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That's okay, you don't have to report back. If he only gave you frozen pasta sauce (presumably sauce that he said he made himself) and a box of spaghetti then I don't think he was coming on to you, I think he was just being neighbourly while being practical about food that he's getting rid of.
What he gave you isn't anywhere near impressive enough a gift of food for a fellow on the make to be giving to someone that he's trying to come on to. If he was trying to come on to you he would have tried to win you over with freshly prepared food that is unique and highly desirable, like a fresh baked cake or a pie or cookies, or a hot cooked casserole or a nice hunk of freshly roasted or BBQ'd meat or something else that would really impress - NOT unimpressive plain old frozen pasta sauce and a cheap box of spaghetti.
I think he's been clearing some older frozen foods out of the freezer and dry goods out of the pantry to make space for fresh new groceries that will be going into the freezer and cupboards and he didn't want to toss the older stuff into the garbage and waste it because it's still in good condition. So he gave the older frozen leftovers and other stuff from the cupboards to the next door neighbours. Neighbours do that kind of thing.
He told you his wife doesn't know he gave the sauce to you because SHE probably cooked it, he didn't cook it.
Be careful that you aren't reading too much into his neighbourly friendliness and generosity and aren't making a big mountain out of a tiny mole hill. Also be careful you don't make enemies out of good, friendly neighbours who are well intentioned and have not caused any trouble for you in the past year or so since they moved next door just because you jumped to conclusions and ended up getting suspicious, paranoid and insulting about the husband's neighbourly intentions towards you.
If he brings food to you again be friendly and tell him you appreciate the offer but you had a bad digestive reaction to the pasta sauce and you have particular dietary needs that precludes you eating foods that you have not prepared for yourself from scratch with organic ingredients of your own selection. So you are not accepting food from other people.
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Maybe thats all it is. Its still confusing though why he threw in that comment about his wife. Why not just tell his wife, "Hey Im taking this stuff over to moongirl," if there is nothing sneaky or underhanded about it?
She has brought me a jar of jam before. It would be more appropriate for her to bring over any leftover groceries. And if she did and said "My husband doesnt know..." I would be equally confused.
Also they have 4 kids, 4 mouths to feed. It seems food should get consumed pretty fast in such a big family.
And if his wife made it, why lie and claim he learned it at culinary school?
Last edited by moongirl00; 09-13-2020 at 09:27 PM..
That's okay, you don't have to report back. If he only gave you frozen pasta sauce (presumably sauce that he said he made himself) and a box of spaghetti then I don't think he was coming on to you, I think he was just being neighbourly while being practical about food that he's getting rid of.
What he gave you isn't anywhere near impressive enough a gift of food for a fellow on the make to be giving to someone that he's trying to come on to. If he was trying to come on to you he would have tried to win you over with freshly prepared food that is unique and highly desirable, like a fresh baked cake or a pie or cookies, or a hot cooked casserole or a nice hunk of freshly roasted or BBQ'd meat or something else that would really impress - NOT unimpressive plain old frozen pasta sauce and a cheap box of spaghetti.
I think he's been clearing some older frozen foods out of the freezer and dry goods out of the pantry to make space for fresh new groceries that will be going into the freezer and cupboards and he didn't want to toss the older stuff into the garbage and waste it because it's still in good condition. So he gave the older frozen leftovers and other stuff from the cupboards to the next door neighbours. Neighbours do that kind of thing.
He told you his wife doesn't know he gave the sauce to you because SHE probably cooked it, he didn't cook it.
Be careful that you aren't reading too much into his neighbourly friendliness and generosity and aren't making a big mountain out of a tiny mole hill. Also be careful you don't make enemies out of good, friendly neighbours who are well intentioned and have not caused any trouble for you in the past year or so since they moved next door just because you jumped to conclusions and ended up getting suspicious, paranoid and insulting about the husband's neighbourly intentions towards you.
If he brings food to you again be friendly and tell him you appreciate the offer but you had a bad digestive reaction to the pasta sauce and you have particular dietary needs that precludes you eating foods that you have not prepared for yourself from scratch with organic ingredients of your own selection. So you are not accepting food from other people.
That's okay, you don't have to report back. If he only gave you frozen pasta sauce (presumably sauce that he said he made himself) and a box of spaghetti then I don't think he was coming on to you, I think he was just being neighbourly while being practical about food that he's getting rid of.
What he gave you isn't anywhere near impressive enough a gift of food for a fellow on the make to be giving to someone that he's trying to come on to. If he was trying to come on to you he would have tried to win you over with freshly prepared food that is unique and highly desirable, like a fresh baked cake or a pie or cookies, or a hot cooked casserole or a nice hunk of freshly roasted or BBQ'd meat or something else that would really impress - NOT unimpressive plain old frozen pasta sauce and a cheap box of spaghetti.
I think he's been clearing some older frozen foods out of the freezer and dry goods out of the pantry to make space for fresh new groceries that will be going into the freezer and cupboards and he didn't want to toss the older stuff into the garbage and waste it because it's still in good condition. So he gave the older frozen leftovers and other stuff from the cupboards to the next door neighbours. Neighbours do that kind of thing.
He told you his wife doesn't know he gave the sauce to you because SHE probably cooked it, he didn't cook it.
Be careful that you aren't reading too much into his neighbourly friendliness and generosity and aren't making a big mountain out of a tiny mole hill. Also be careful you don't make enemies out of good, friendly neighbours who are well intentioned and have not caused any trouble for you in the past year or so since they moved next door just because you jumped to conclusions and ended up getting suspicious, paranoid and insulting about the husband's neighbourly intentions towards you.
If he brings food to you again be friendly and tell him you appreciate the offer but you had a bad digestive reaction to the pasta sauce and you have particular dietary needs that precludes you eating foods that you have not prepared for yourself from scratch with organic ingredients of your own selection. So you are not accepting food from other people.
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And “ Then it was kind of awkward while I was waiting for him to explain more. But he just awkwardly hemmed and hawed for awhile. Then he said "So I'm just leaving that open."
Translation: "Would you consider having an affair with me?"
Just thank his wife next time you see her for his gift.
Absolutely! This is what I would do, thank the wife for his”gift”. And he won’t do it again.
I had a friend whose husband actually had two affairs on his block and the other women were friends with his wife and their kids. Guys do this. Be careful, it always ends badly.
Maybe thats all it is. Its still confusing though why he threw in that comment about his wife. Why not just tell his wife, "Hey Im taking this stuff over to moongirl," if there is nothing sneaky or underhanded about it?
She has brought me a jar of jam before. It would be more appropriate for her to bring over any leftover groceries. And if she did and said "My husband doesnt know..." I would be equally confused.
Also they have 4 kids, 4 mouths to feed. It seems food should get consumed pretty fast in such a big family.
And if his wife made it, why lie and claim he learned it at culinary school?
You are trying to over-think his motives and that family's own judgement calls. His motives with his family aren't important and aren't any of your business, he was just being friendly. Maybe their kids won't eat the pasta sauce, maybe they hate the stuff. Maybe the wife is a food hoarder who can't bear to part with any leftovers that get put in the freezer, but once it's out of sight she forgets about it and won't miss it. So he gets rid of excess without telling her and she doesn't notice but if she found out he was getting rid of food she's hoarding then she would get upset.
Who knows what's going on, there could be all kinds of odd reasons for his behaviour but I think philandering with you, no matter how friendly and sexy you try to be on your walks through the neighbourhood, is not one of his reasons for trying to be a friendly neighbour.
It is usually not normal for a wannabee philandering husband and father of 4 to try to attempt to conduct an adulterous affair with a next door neighbour, it's far too dangerous and only a fool who wants to lose his family thinks that way. It's especially not normal to make moves on somebody that is a stranger, someone that he doesn't actually know and has never spoken to before showing up at the door with frozen pasta sauce more than a year after moving in next door.
It does not make any sense at all. Not one bit. He was just being friendly and saw the offer of food as a good opportunity and excuse to introduce himself properly.
You are trying to over-think his motives and that family's own judgement calls. His motives with his family aren't important and aren't any of your business, he was just being friendly. Maybe their kids won't eat the pasta sauce, maybe they hate the stuff. Maybe the wife is a food hoarder who can't bear to part with any leftovers that get put in the freezer, but once it's out of sight she forgets about it and won't miss it. So he gets rid of excess without telling her and she doesn't notice but if she found out he was getting rid of food she's hoarding then she would get upset.
Who knows what's going on, there could be all kinds of odd reasons for his behaviour but I think philandering with you, no matter how friendly and sexy you try to be on your walks through the neighbourhood, is not one of his reasons for trying to be a friendly neighbour.
It is usually not normal for a wannabee philandering husband and father of 4 to try to attempt to conduct an adulterous affair with a next door neighbour, it's far too dangerous and only a fool who wants to lose his family thinks that way. It's especially not normal to make moves on somebody that is a stranger, someone that he doesn't actually know and has never spoken to before showing up at the door with frozen pasta sauce more than a year after moving in next door.
It does not make any sense at all. Not one bit. He was just being friendly and saw the offer of food as a good opportunity and excuse to introduce himself properly.
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Maybe thats all it is. I wasnt sure though, which is why I asked the forum.
I will continue to be friendly and neighborly as usual then.
I wish he would have just told me the need to be secretive though. "My wife doesnt like getting rid of frozen goods so I didnt tell her," would have sufficed.
Now I realize if it really was as innocent as all that, then my behavior must have looked really bizarre to him. Because when he made the wife comment I kind of blanked out and waited while he just "Ummmmmm"ed for awhile.
But the wife comment just seemed so out of left field. Maybe he didnt realize how it might come off. I dont know. It sounded like "Lets not tell my wife about meeting like this...."
Maybe we are just two socially awkward people who had a bit of a communication misfire.
Well hopefully it was as innocent as that. Thanks for the advice everyone.
Maybe thats all it is. I wasnt sure though, which is why I asked the forum.
I will continue to be friendly and neighborly as usual then.
I wish he would have just told me the need to be secretive though. "My wife doesnt like getting rid of frozen goods so I didnt tell her," would have sufficed.
It's just a scenario that may or may not be true. But somebody who is just "officially" introducing himself to you as a friendly neighbour isn't likely to see any need to tell a relative stranger about his family secrets. I suspect that was just his way of letting you know not to tell his wife that he's giving food away to neighbours. It's possible you weren't the only neighbour that he was giving frozen food to, but he wouldn't have had a need to tell you about that either.
I think he was awkward but not poorly intentioned. If I'm wrong and he later on ends up doing or saying something to you that is obviously inappropriate then you need to politely let him know that you have no desire to get a reputation in the neighbourhood as a home wrecker and that he needs to take his attentions somewhere else.
One other thing you said in post #51 about your own self that made my red flags go up about your own intentions. You mentioned that if he and his wife had an open or polyamourous marriage you might consider getting involved in an intimate relationship with him because he is so attractive. Handsomeness is a shallow reason to get involved with somebody to start with - but what about his wife? Do you find her attractive and sexy too? Are you prepared to become sexually intimate with her too at the same time as you're being intimate with her husband?
If you become involved with people in an open marriage OR a polyamourous ménage à trois relationship with your next door neighbours the entire neighbourhood WILL find out about it and what do you think that would do to your reputation in the neighbourhood and how much trouble it would cause for you?
Once word got around and other neighbours tell their buddies about what was going on you'd get a reputation as a floozie. You'd end up eventually having horny drunk strangers showing up knocking on your door at 3 o'clock in the morning propositioning you with money, looking for a good time. Guaranteed! And they won't all be men from the neighbourhood, they'll be buddies of the neighbourhood men.
If your neighbourhood is a generally reputable family neighbourhood such open relationship behaviour cannot remain a secret and would end up getting you and your next door open marriage neighbour family shamed, shunned and drummed out of the neighbourhood.
I think you are wise to just be friendly and polite with ALL of your neighbours but maintain some distance from all of those who are married so you won't be seen as a temptation to the husbands and a threat to all the wives. Find other singles to socialize with, preferably from other neighbourhoods.
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