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I guess people aren't supposed to go through the stages of grief, one of which is anger (and yes, rage).
The 7 Stages of Grief:
Shock
Denial
Anger
Bargaining
Depression
Acceptance and hope
Processing grief
Gee, let's judge and deny people's experiences because they don't just hustle through it.
Let's tell them they're wrong and a jackass because they can't just skip #2.
Ugh, I meant #3 - Anger. Thanks Yorktown Gal for quoting, so I could see the typo.
My cousin's daughter was addicted to prescription drugs. She went into drug rehab and came out an alcoholic. She traded one addiction for another.
Likewise his parents are addicted. The adenine rush associated with violence is a fight or flight response. Some people crave adenine. It's why people bungee jump, mountain climb and take risks. His parents were stuck in the cycle of violence and its adenine rushes.
His mom will not see the warning signs in new relationships. Most likely, his mother has chosen a new husband as dysfunctional as herself. Violence is comfortable for her.
Not only the OP, but his parents need to go through the 7 stages of grief.
This is very insightful.
And yes, pathrunner has posted everything I didn't have the patience to post, and more. IMO it's inappropriate to judge and write off people who are struggling with unresolved trauma. One doesn't just "get over it", usually, without help.
I can hear his 2 month old beautiful baby girl now in 5 years:
"Daddy, why don't we ever see Grandma and Grandpa? All my friends do and I don't even know mine"
What exactly is the answer that would make sense to a 5 year old? Or when she is 15 for that matter? He is denying his daughter a relationship with her grandparents, that can't be made up. And for what exactly?
The baby girl won't say that in a few years probably because she has 2 sets of gp's, and her parents will make an effort for her to have a relationship with her mom's parents. In the meantime, the OP will have time to see how his mother's new relationship works out. If it turns into another Punch-and-Judy show, he'll be wise to not expose his child to that nuthouse.
My children did just fine after meeting their grandfather (my father) and "step"grandmother after age 1. Nothing was said in front of them, and they wouldn't have understood anyway.
As I mentioned upthread, the OP has plenty of time to work through things and either re-establish contact or forego it.
There's another thing:
many grandparents aren't all that into being grandparents. They have their own lives and often have newer spouses who have families of their own. It gets very complicated. I don't blame the OP for not being ready to deal with all that.
I hope the OP is at least still reading this thread. There are more than a few who support him, whether they've actually posted here or not.
This thread is being closed. Too much bickering, side-bar discussion regarding the efficacy (or not) of therapy, plus I think it's now past the OP's due-date mentioned in his particular situation.
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IMO it's inappropriate to judge and write off people who are struggling with unresolved trauma. One doesn't just "get over it", usually, without help.
