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Thank god we're not around them much but when we are, weight seems to be their favorite and first topic of conversation. Who's fat, who's losing weight, who's gaining weight, who's on what nutrition program, who's taking what supplements, who's hitting the gym. Ad nauseum.
And the thing is...they're ALL overweight, some by as much as 100#.
I know weight is a touchy and complicated issue. I'm not someone prone to body shaming.
But sometimes their comments are beyond tiresome, they're judgmental too when they are directed at my family. My wife and I are by no means fitness models, we could both probably lose 10# but generally we maintain our weight just fine through careful eating and lots of exercise. We hear multiple comments like "Oh, OK skinny...oh you've never had to deal with an eating issue...oh you got good genes." And we have one child that, frankly, is going through a heavy phase and they make comments about her too, trying to be helpful. My child hates it and has asked me how to get it to stop.
I generally ignore their ignorant comments (they don't know what it takes for me to control my food intake, nor what it's like to be up at 5:15a to go to the gym 5 days a week). It's easy to ignore when they're not directed at us. When they are I've made some responses along the lines of, "you don't know what other people do to maintain their fitness." I suppose I have no to tell them not to make any body comments about my daughter. great.
I just really find it tasteless and boring on top of everything else...just the same discussions. I know they don't generally feel good about themselves as far as body image goes. I don't want to blast them about it but it's tempting.
Don't engage. Nothing positive or negative. All it does is put another log on the conversational fire. By engaging, you're implying that those topics are acceptable. Every time the subject starts, ignore and/or redirect to something else. If it means no one finds anything to talk about when you're together, so be it. If they ask why you no longer want to spend time with them, tell them why.
I’d definitely tell them talking about your child’s weight is off the table. If they bring it up again, gather your family and leave. Rinse, repeat.
Don't engage. Nothing positive or negative. All it does is put another log on the conversational fire. By engaging, you're implying that those topics are acceptable. Every time the subject starts, ignore and/or redirect to something else. If it means no one finds anything to talk about when you're together, so be it. If they ask why you no longer want to spend time with them, tell them why.
I agree with this, with one exception:
Quote:
Originally Posted by reebo
I’d definitely tell them talking about your child’s weight is off the table. If they bring it up again, gather your family and leave. Rinse, repeat.
They absolute must stick up for their daughther now and tell them to stop making comments about her. Especially because she asked. She needs to know her parents have her back.
They absolute must stick up for their daughther now and tell them to stop making comments about her. Especially because she asked. She needs to know her parents have her back.
While I agree that parents should stick up for their kids, they can do so without encouraging unwelcome/insensitive topics of conversation. Volunteer those kids' great accomplishments. Show your parental approval and pride, praise them in front of that overly critical company, etc. IME, it is pretty difficult to insert judgy comments into a conversation about someone whose good qualities have just been extolled.
I agree with setting boundaries. I always knew my grandmother and aunt were fixated on my weight as a child and it damaged me in the long run. They did things like buying clothes too small and it hurt. Keep them away from your child if they cannot handle boundaries because small comments overheard and insinuations can be as damaging as a direct comment made to your face.
Thank god we're not around them much but when we are, weight seems to be their favorite and first topic of conversation. Who's fat, who's losing weight, who's gaining weight, who's on what nutrition program, who's taking what supplements, who's hitting the gym. Ad nauseum.
And the thing is...they're ALL overweight, some by as much as 100#.
I know weight is a touchy and complicated issue. I'm not someone prone to body shaming.
But sometimes their comments are beyond tiresome, they're judgmental too when they are directed at my family. My wife and I are by no means fitness models, we could both probably lose 10# but generally we maintain our weight just fine through careful eating and lots of exercise. We hear multiple comments like "Oh, OK skinny...oh you've never had to deal with an eating issue...oh you got good genes." And we have one child that, frankly, is going through a heavy phase and they make comments about her too, trying to be helpful. My child hates it and has asked me how to get it to stop.
I generally ignore their ignorant comments (they don't know what it takes for me to control my food intake, nor what it's like to be up at 5:15a to go to the gym 5 days a week). It's easy to ignore when they're not directed at us. When they are I've made some responses along the lines of, "you don't know what other people do to maintain their fitness." I suppose I have no to tell them not to make any body comments about my daughter. great.
I just really find it tasteless and boring on top of everything else...just the same discussions. I know they don't generally feel good about themselves as far as body image goes. I don't want to blast them about it but it's tempting.
Anyone do anything different as far as responses?
I'd pull these folks aside and in private advise them to shut down this train of commentary/critique now, or at least, in your and your child's presence. No more 'advice' for the child. I guess what they do when they are not with you is their business, but you have to stop it.
It's not good for (or you) and it IS tasteless. Do they know how young women react to continued criticism about their weight?? You better inform them. If they don't knock it off, call them out on it in person when it's happening. If it continues, 86 the visits.
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