Have you ever told a family member they'll be unwelcome at a viewing/funeral? (person, brother)
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We didn't let one cousin know about our Uncles death, so he did not make it to the funeral ( Uncle had been mad at him for ripping off other family members.) Those family members were at the funeral.
Who is the person and why are they not welcome? What is their relationship to the deceased?
Two of my dad's brother-in-laws (my mom's brothers) who screwed him over ... they no longer talk.
Actually, I don't care if they come to the viewing (I won't interact with them, but it's hypocritical), but how do you tell them not to come to the reception afterwards?
After my brother's funeral, the one actually came with his brood, took a table over and stuffed their faces. I couldn't believe it. Nobody interacted with them.
When the time comes for my dad, I don't want them there.
Two of my dad's brother-in-laws (my mom's brothers) who screwed him over ... they no longer talk.
Actually, I don't care if they come to the viewing (I won't interact with them, but it's hypocritical), but how do you tell them not to come to the reception afterwards?
After my brother's funeral, the one actually came with his brood, took a table over and stuffed their faces. I couldn't believe it. Nobody interacted with them.
When the time comes for my dad, I don't want them there.
Add to everything: reception by invitation only but be prepared for the locusts to show up. Be the bigger person, ignore them, let them eat and misbehave. Others are not blind.
Two of my dad's brother-in-laws (my mom's brothers) who screwed him over ... they no longer talk.
Actually, I don't care if they come to the viewing (I won't interact with them, but it's hypocritical), but how do you tell them not to come to the reception afterwards?
After my brother's funeral, the one actually came with his brood, took a table over and stuffed their faces. I couldn't believe it. Nobody interacted with them.
When the time comes for my dad, I don't want them there.
Simply don't publicize details about the reception. Invite others directly and emphasize that the invitation is not public. That will likely reduce the chances that they will hear about it.
If they do find out about it or ask directly, you can then truthfully state that you have not organized a public reception. If they challenge you, you can explain further that you are having a small gathering by invitation only. Then if they do show up, simply meet them at the front door and tell them that the gathering is private and they were not issued an invitation.
There are possibly other ways of course--for example you could delay the reception by hours or even a day, which might make it more difficult for them if they are coming from out of town. You could also issue printed invitations and ask someone to act as sort of a 'bouncer' at the door, so that you don't have to confront them directly.
Simply don't publicize details about the reception. Invite others directly and emphasize that the invitation is not public. That will likely reduce the chances that they will hear about it.
If they do find out about it or ask directly, you can then truthfully state that you have not organized a public reception. If they challenge you, you can explain further that you are having a small gathering by invitation only. Then if they do show up, simply meet them at the front door and tell them that the gathering is private and they were not issued an invitation.
There are possibly other ways of course--for example you could delay the reception by hours or even a day, which might make it more difficult for them if they are coming from out of town. You could also issue printed invitations and ask someone to act as sort of a 'bouncer' at the door, so that you don't have to confront them directly.
Reception after a funeral by invitation only????? Good grief! If they want to come let them. This is for the rememberance of your dad, not who is there. We had someone come to my mother's funeral that my dad didn't want there. But he took the advice my mother always gave us. Take the upper road, don't stoop to their level. Just smile and, if you happen to run into them, just smile, say hello, and keep walking.
Is your mom still alive? Seems as these are her brothers it would be up to her. If she's not would it be possible to have the funeral without notifying them? Some families are close and everyone knows everything that's going on with the family, others don't. I just found out a nephew died about a year ago. There's no family estrangement, we are just not close.
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