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I have always found meeting new friends to be relatively easy - maybe because I have moved so much that I have HAD to, or I would have spent a lot of time alone! Lol.
But it seems to be getting harder and I'm not sure why.
I'm embarrassed to ask, but I need some advice (ach, I feel like I'm back in high school!!!).
There are a bunch of girls around my age (early 30s) working at the same office as I am. Mostly they've been quite nice - and I've met up with one girl and her husband with my DH for brunch and we had a great time. She invited us to a bar-be-que, but we couldn't make it.
The girls all seem to get on quite well and are a 'group'.
Believe me, I don't expect to be welcomed into an existing group with open arms, but there is one girl who is really quite unfriendly. Not sure why. Now, when I see the girl we went for brunch with she's really nice when the other girl isn't there, and less so when she is. In fact I feel like the other girl is making an effort to exclude me, and I don't get why.
Normally I would brush it off and move on with other people, only I really miss having some girl friends, and would like to form some friendships in our new city.
Should I ask if there is an issue? Or just try and soldier on and see what happens.
This all seems so ridiculous to me - I always try and be welcoming to new people, and this just seems like such silly behavior, so do I address it or ignore it?
Hey, I feel your pain. The tactic I learned is to walk up to everybody at a party and talk to them. Make a game out of it. You'll be amazed how quickly your stock goes up at a party.
Hee hee 31 going on 13...I feel that way too and I'm 41
But the reality of it is that not all girls can play nice when there is a group of more than 2, no matter what age we are. We can really be *ithcy sometimes!
I'd just ignore her, take the high road and continue to be friendly with them all. Good luck and I hope you make a special friend or friends. It's better to have one quality friend than several aquaintances!
i really try to get most of my friends outside of work - seems to really reduce the drama and/or akwardness when something is going on.
This is a very good point, and perhaps this is some advice I should heed.
Problem is, I thought this girl might turn into a good friend - and that is what I miss most about where we moved from!
Still, if it's going to be an issue with the other girl I should probably let it go. They knew each other first - maybe she feels like I am trying to butt in - and she's probably right! Lol.
It's funny, but it's kind of like dating again - only with platonic friends!
We are cultivating other friendships here too. I think I'm hoping that a ready made, great buddy is ging to fall from the sky who I can get years worth of history with all in 5 minutes!
I think I just need to give it time, but I miss having friends around!
This is a very good point, and perhaps this is some advice I should heed.
Problem is, I thought this girl might turn into a good friend - and that is what I miss most about where we moved from!
Still, if it's going to be an issue with the other girl I should probably let it go. They knew each other first - maybe she feels like I am trying to butt in - and she's probably right! Lol.
It's funny, but it's kind of like dating again - only with platonic friends!
We are cultivating other friendships here too. I thik I'm hoping that a ready made, great buddy is ging to fall from the sky who I can get years worth of history with all in 5 minutes!
I think I just need to give it time, but I miss having friends around!
Yep. Office cliques are kind of hard to break into, especially since they've known each other so long. Maybe ask them to lunch individually, and see how that goes....Good luck!
This is a very good point, and perhaps this is some advice I should heed.
.........
I think I just need to give it time, but I miss having friends around!
I have had best success with folks that I have a natural common interest with (and work not being it)... find something you have some passion about and then find a group that works with that - then either join or volunteer.... this could be a social cause, a sports activity, a church, a neighborhood association... whatever, but folks with a like interest - has always made finding that friend a lot easier (and happens a little quicker too).
The older you get, the harder making new friends becomes. I've pretty much given up. Not that there aren't some opportunities, but the relations are not quite satisfying for me (and for them, I'd imagine). We don’t know each other, have completely different backgrounds and experiences, and have no history together... there’s no glue to hold you together…
I can perhaps make some good acquaintances to share activities with occasionally, but it's never gonna be anything close to what I'd consider a friend.... I know, given a chance, a friendship might grow if nurtured, but I also live in a very transient place – people come and go and one day you don’t have them again, so you just say “why bother at all”…
Try craigslist?? I've noticed people doing that these days.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hobokenkitchen
I have always found meeting new friends to be relatively easy - maybe because I have moved so much that I have HAD to, or I would have spent a lot of time alone! Lol.
But it seems to be getting harder and I'm not sure why.
I'm embarrassed to ask, but I need some advice (ach, I feel like I'm back in high school!!!).
There are a bunch of girls around my age (early 30s) working at the same office as I am. Mostly they've been quite nice - and I've met up with one girl and her husband with my DH for brunch and we had a great time. She invited us to a bar-be-que, but we couldn't make it.
The girls all seem to get on quite well and are a 'group'.
Believe me, I don't expect to be welcomed into an existing group with open arms, but there is one girl who is really quite unfriendly. Not sure why. Now, when I see the girl we went for brunch with she's really nice when the other girl isn't there, and less so when she is. In fact I feel like the other girl is making an effort to exclude me, and I don't get why.
Normally I would brush it off and move on with other people, only I really miss having some girl friends, and would like to form some friendships in our new city.
Should I ask if there is an issue? Or just try and soldier on and see what happens.
This all seems so ridiculous to me - I always try and be welcoming to new people, and this just seems like such silly behavior, so do I address it or ignore it?
i really try to get most of my friends outside of work - seems to really reduce the drama and/or akwardness when something is going on.
Me too. Even now as I'm doing my part time restaurant gig, while I'm really chummy with one of the Irish girls and some of the chefs I work with, I haven't socialized with any of them out of work. I like to keep work and play very separate.
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I know, given a chance, a friendship might grow if nurtured, but I also live in a very transient place – people come and go and one day you don’t have them again, so you just say “why bother at all”…
