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Thank you all for sharing your experiences. It certainly does make me feel better
Its been 4 months since I moved to Canada. My husband has been living here since 1990 and been away from his own parents since the age of 10 (studying in boarding schools). Also he comes from a broken family (parents divorced when he was very young). And I come from a very cose-knit family.
I got a job soon after I came here in a very good bank. Though I dont like my job, I have taken it as i got it soon for a 'really' good pay. Soon, when the markets are better, I wil look out for a different job.
The most common message I have seen in all your experiences is that, given time, it will certainly get better. I will start believing in this. Well, in any case the sooner I accept this as my new home the better/easier it would be for me, isnt it.
Also, I came to know we get almost everything in Toronto, including the Indian cinema's, authentic 'Biryani' etc. So, I guess, slowly everything will fall in its place.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences. It certainly does make me feel better
Its been 4 months since I moved to Canada. My husband has been living here since 1990 and been away from his own parents since the age of 10 (studying in boarding schools). Also he comes from a broken family (parents divorced when he was very young). And I come from a very cose-knit family.
I got a job soon after I came here in a very good bank. Though I dont like my job, I have taken it as i got it soon for a 'really' good pay. Soon, when the markets are better, I wil look out for a different job.
The most common message I have seen in all your experiences is that, given time, it will certainly get better. I will start believing in this. Well, in any case the sooner I accept this as my new home the better/easier it would be for me, isnt it.
Also, I came to know we get almost everything in Toronto, including the Indian cinema's, authentic 'Biryani' etc. So, I guess, slowly everything will fall in its place.
Your Monika gives it away as well as your perfect English for someone who has moved away from another country . Besides, I've known a few Inidan women who were in the same position you are in.
I'll tell you this though it will all pass at some point. I was a stranger in big city (LA) at one time. Been away from my family several times as I travelled a lot, but LA kicked my tush. There I was, single, in my 20's with no close family in the same state I lived in and for someone who still went home for Sunday dinner even after she left home, it was painfully lonely.
Oh, you aren't going to like what I have to say but here it goes..........
Quit Whining. You agreed to leave your parents and marry your husband. You must make him feel inadequate or unloved everytime you whine. After so much whining I think you have probably put him over the edge to where he doesn't know what else to say to you. Yes, he is coming off as a jerk here but we are not hearing his side of the story. Your parents have their lives and you have yours. Put your life front and center and make the most of today, not yesterday. You made your bed by leaving your parents and by marrying that man..... Make Lemonade and Love the one you're with.
PS. If you can't stop whining maybe you should go back to your parents and allow your husband to find a wife that truly wants to be with him 100% of the time and looks forward to their lives together.
Oh, you aren't going to like what I have to say but here it goes..........
Quit Whining. You agreed to leave your parents and marry your husband. You must make him feel inadequate or unloved everytime you whine. After so much whining I think you have probably put him over the edge to where he doesn't know what else to say to you. Yes, he is coming off as a jerk here but we are not hearing his side of the story. Your parents have their lives and you have yours. Put your life front and center and make the most of today, not yesterday. You made your bed by leaving your parents and by marrying that man..... Make Lemonade and Love the one you're with.
PS. If you can't stop whining maybe you should go back to your parents and allow your husband to find a wife that truly wants to be with him 100% of the time and looks forward to their lives together.
Missing her parents does not mean she doesn't want to be with him 100% of the time. It also doesn't mean she doesn't look forward to and enjoy their lives together. It's possible to both enjoy being with your husband but still miss other people at the same time. Just because you obviously don't understand this doesn't mean it's impossible.
Missing her parents also doesn't mean she is whining - crying over missing someone does not equal whining. When my husband and I lived in different countries, I used to occassionally cry about not being with him. Is that acceptable and if so, why is it any different to occassionally crying over missing someone else? I don't get the impression that she cries over this everyday, just occassionally and I don't see what is wrong with that. What is so terrible about missing family members?
Have you ever moved to another country? If not, you don't know what it's like so please, don't talk. If you read the OP's latest posts, you'll see she has resolved things with her husband already and it did not involve any of your advice.
I also have to ask just how close you are to your parents? It's sounds like you're not very close with them when you say
Quote:
Your parents have their lives and you have yours.
Not everyone feels the same way about their parents. Some people are close with their parents and their lives actually involve their parents and vice versa. It's difficult to for someone with this kind of relationship with their parents to just suddenly be expected to emotionally disconnect and have seperate lives and not care about it.
Personally, I'm close with my family - my family are a part of my life so naturally, I miss them and there's nothing wrong with that. I can respect that not everyone is as close with their parents so being apart from them is no big deal. But you simply can not expect everyone to have the same relationship with their parents as you do. So expecting her to be able to deal with it in the same way you would is unreasonable.
Touched a nerve heh? Yes, I have lived 1200 miles away from my family. It was a great learning experience! But then again, I am quite adventurous. And remember, don't attack me for my post, she did ask for opinions.
She asked how she could explain to him that it's okay for her to miss her family. That is not the advice you gave her. You took it upon yourself to give her advice she did not ask for even when she'd already resolved the situation without using anything even remotely similar to your advice.
What you seem to be misunderstanding is that just because someone misses their family, it does not mean they don't also see it as a great learning experience. Like I said, you are obviously not as close with your parents as some people are. But there's nothing wrong with being close to your parents or missing them. I moved to England to be with my husband and I miss my parents and family. At the same time, I also see living in England as an amazing opportunity and I don't for one minute regret doing it. I also don't regret choosing to be with my husband over my parents - that dosn't mean I'm not allowed to miss them! Why on earth you seem to have this 1 dimentional view on the issue is beyond me.
She asked how she could explain to him that it's okay for her to miss her family. That is not the advice you gave her. You took it upon yourself to give her advice she did not ask for even when she'd already resolved the situation without using anything even remotely similar to your advice.
What you seem to be misunderstanding is that just because someone misses their family, it does not mean they don't also see it as a great learning experience. Like I said, you are obviously not as close with your parents as some people are. But there's nothing wrong with being close to your parents or missing them. I moved to England to be with my husband and I miss my parents and family. At the same time, I also see living in England as an amazing opportunity and I don't for one minute regret doing it. I also don't regret choosing to be with my husband over my parents - that dosn't mean I'm not allowed to miss them! Why on earth you seem to have this 1 dimentional view on the issue is beyond me.
I don't see it as 1 dimensional and I can't understand why you are personally attacking me. This is about the OP and not you and me.
I'm not attacking you, I'm defending myself and the OP. The OP and I share the very same situation and experience so when you attacked her, I took offence as well. I guess I felt the need to stick up for her and myself since she and I are in the same boat. If you want to talk about personal attacks, look no further than your post to the OP. Don't dish out what you can't take.
I'm not attacking you, I'm defending myself and the OP. The OP and I share the very same situation and experience so when you attacked her, I took offence as well. I guess I felt the need to stick up for her and myself since she and I are in the same boat. If you want to talk about personal attacks, look no further than your post to the OP. Don't dish out what you can't take.
That is very sweet of you to stick up for her. Kindred spirits
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Yes, I have lived 1200 miles away from my family. It was a great learning experience! But then again, I am quite adventurous. And remember, don't attack me for my post, she did ask for opinions. 
