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My aunt died Thursday or Friday and now her only son is burying her in the one place she told him not to. She thought the place is terribly dreary. It's so sad she died as she did. How can a son do this? This just makes her death even worse!
This is sad, but since the eldest male son is the next of kin, there's really nothing to be done about it. If you all have expressed your opinion to the son and he is still doing it there's nothing anyone can do.
My aunt died Thursday or Friday and now her only son is burying her in the one place she told him not to. She thought the place is terribly dreary. It's so sad she died as she did. How can a son do this? This just makes her death even worse!
It's a cold thing to say, but you are just going to have to suck it up and deal with it. Her next of kin has the final say, and that's that. If she wanted you to have a say, she would have provided for that in a will.
And you are hearing this from someone who has been there -- only in my story it was my own father. His wife was next of kin (my parents divorced) and not only did she do whatever she wanted, she and her family publicly humiliated me and my sisters at the funeral (to which we were not invited). Oh well, he picked her, too bad so sad for me but I guess he made his choice.
My aunt died Thursday or Friday and now her only son is burying her in the one place she told him not to. She thought the place is terribly dreary. It's so sad she died as she did. How can a son do this? This just makes her death even worse!
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts to you and your family.
My family was in a similar situation last year when my aunt passed away. Her daughters - my cousins - went completely against her wishes....wishes that she herself had told them about prior to her death. Two of the four bullied the others into doing so. Their attitude was "Well, she's gone and this is our choice." For them it was about money, even though my mom and her remaining siblings offered to give them money so that my aunt's wishes could be fulfilled. It was very sad. I no longer acknowledge the two bullies as being part of my family.
First of all, I am very sorry for your loss. My thoughts to you and your family.
My family was in a similar situation last year when my aunt passed away. Her daughters - my cousins - went completely against her wishes....wishes that she herself had told them about prior to her death. Two of the four bullied the others into doing so. Their attitude was "Well, she's gone and this is our choice." For them it was about money, even though my mom and her remaining siblings offered to give them money so that my aunt's wishes could be fulfilled. It was very sad. I no longer acknowledge the two bullies as being part of my family.
Thank you for the condolences. I appreciate it. I am thinking back to the times in my life she and I and my mom would do things together. My aunt and I saw eye to eye on a lot of things. She lost her husband when she was in her late 40s and spent the rest of her life alone. And I do believe she died alone, although it is not clear exactly what happened. And then to be put to rest in a place she hated. I hope she is with her husband now. He died around 41 years ago and maybe they are together at peace.
I am sad to see that the same thing happened in your family. And how horrible that your mom and her other siblings offered to make up for the difference in money and yet those bullies won. I would not acknowledge them either.
This is sad, but since the eldest male son is the next of kin, there's really nothing to be done about it. If you all have expressed your opinion to the son and he is still doing it there's nothing anyone can do.
Right and no one is going to challenge his decision. I just feel sorry for my mother now who not only has to go see her last sister buried, but do so knowing it was against her sister's wishes to be buried there. I worry about what this is going to do to my mom. She isn't far off in age and probably does not have another five years herself.
Is there anything stipulated in her will as to her burial? Because I spelled out specifically how and what I wanted done so no one had to guess or make the decision.
Right and no one is going to challenge his decision. I just feel sorry for my mother now who not only has to go see her last sister buried, but do so knowing it was against her sister's wishes to be buried there. I worry about what this is going to do to my mom. She isn't far off in age and probably does not have another five years herself.
I felt the exact same way and the only way I could think of to help my mom was to remind her to focus on the good memories she had with my aunt, rather than what my cousins had done. She'll probably never get over it but she tries really hard.
Is there anything stipulated in her will as to her burial? Because I spelled out specifically how and what I wanted done so no one had to guess or make the decision.
I doubt it. I am thinking she trusted her one son to do the right thing. My mother told me she told him on more than one occasion not to put her there.
It is always a good idea to have everything spelled out in a will. Whether that means that family members comply with it, I have no idea.
Thank you for the condolences. I appreciate it. I am thinking back to the times in my life she and I and my mom would do things together. My aunt and I saw eye to eye on a lot of things. She lost her husband when she was in her late 40s and spent the rest of her life alone. And I do believe she died alone, although it is not clear exactly what happened. And then to be put to rest in a place she hated. I hope she is with her husband now. He died around 41 years ago and maybe they are together at peace.
I am sad to see that the same thing happened in your family. And how horrible that your mom and her other siblings offered to make up for the difference in money and yet those bullies won. I would not acknowledge them either.
You are more than welcome. My aunt and I were the same way, I lived a couple hours away but saw and talked to her as often as I could...we were close; she lived kind of a lonely existence, my bully cousins barely acknowledged her while she was alive - which is what pissed most of my family off even more when they decided they knew what was best and ignored her wishes.
As they say, we can't control what others do. It's sad that people have to be like that but the only thing we can really do in this type of situation is remind ourselves how fortunate we were to have the person in our lives.
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This just makes her death even worse!
