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Maybe you are just now starting to see what she is really like. You mentioned she was in a bad relationship where she was treated poorly. Perhaps she went through a phase where her self esteem was low (around the time she met you?) and now that she's got the wind back in her sails you are seeing who she really is, even if it took four years. People sometimes tend to be a bit more humble when they are down and out. If she was going through a rut all those years and is now strong again this could be who she really is and you may have to re-evaluate your friendship if it's causing this much concern.
This is wise advice.
Circumstances play a huge role in showing one's character. If a person remains humble even in the middle of success, that shows a lot. And if a person remains optimistic, diligent, and high-spirited through great difficulty, it shows a lot as well.
It's harder to do the former than the latter... but if humility is there even when the person has many reasons to get cocky, that's a plus.
OP, it's cliche, but we can only really control ourselves.
People do change, and we cannot really stop that.
Confront her, but not aggressively, that her behaviour now is different. If it is something that she is not willing to forego, then you may have to re-evaluate the relationship.
If you do choose to go on the trip with her and still want to bring up the topic in a heart-to-heart, by all means, pick a good time for it, maybe on the way back. You don't want to make her angry and have her leave you stranded somewhere.
Sounds like this trip might be your friendship's swan song if one person is getting more annoying and the other person is no longer willing to put up with the personality quirks.
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
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I love my daughter's attitude. She just tells her best friend point blank. I think it's the best test for a true friendship, no games, no p u s s y-footing around about it; if it survives it, it was/is a true friendship. Hers survives it. They sometimes fight like sisters but they always bounce back.
Jay-no I'm not in high school and ya maybe the friendship is changing. I have backed off a lot actually. I haven't made much contact with her because she was always too busy so I just let her be. I've made contact a few times to invite her to things though, but that's it.
sprawling-I'm actually pretty much like that too. I don't really make much effort to keep people around that aren't a positive in my life. but I do think this friendship is worth saving, I just don't think it's worth having another negative in my life (I have enough hardships going on at the moment). and you're right, she was very humble with her ex and oddly, a lot more fun to be around despite how much crap she was going through. I thought she'd be more fun when the ex was out of the picture, but the opposite is true..I was disappointedly surprised. I'm actually worried that her current boyfriend is gonna wake up one day and realize he doesn't want a cocky, full of herself girlfriend/potential wife, but meh, not much I can do to save her from that..I think she'll need that karma.
samston-I know people change, I guess I just don't like it! lol. I'll confront her nicely then when I get a chance..whenever that may be, ha!
cricket- that's what I'm worried about. That there won't ever be a good time to bring anything up because we're going to be concerned about getting to our destinations on time and she's a stress case in situations like that. I just see it destroying our friendship even more and that's the last thing I need on my birthday..I've had enough crappy birthdays the past few years so I'd like to enjoy this one for a change.
whyte-you know, our friendship used to be like that..I don't know what happened. the rest of my close friends, I've grown to have the balls to tell them when I don't like something and so far so good with them since I mean enough enough to them! the rest of them are no longer my friends now..oh well.
OK, so why are HER feelings more important than yours?
You can either continue to let her upset you, or you can honestly tell her that you find her new attitude off-putting. What do you have to lose? You don't enjoy her now, so why are you so afraid of distancing yourself from her?
I had a 'best friend' but once I came along in life (degrees, married) she turned stone cold because she was a year older, still bar hopping, meeting losers, and generally still living like a stilted adolescent.
I keep saying people will like you and be friendly till you exceed them.
OK, so why are HER feelings more important than yours?
You can either continue to let her upset you, or you can honestly tell her that you find her new attitude off-putting. What do you have to lose? You don't enjoy her now, so why are you so afraid of distancing yourself from her?
I guess I just don't like upsetting people, especially if they're going through a rough time (her parents divorce), but you're right, I'll tell her, she's a big girl .
I had a 'best friend' but once I came along in life (degrees, married) she turned stone cold because she was a year older, still bar hopping, meeting losers, and generally still living like a stilted adolescent.
I keep saying people will like you and be friendly till you exceed them.
funny you say that, because so far, she's exceeded me (no degree yet for her, but amazing boyfriend who has serious long term potential, while I'm still meeting not losers necessarily, but guys that are wrong for me)..but I'm happy for her, I'm not jealous at all. I guess its because I do other things besides go to bars and I don't live like a stilted adolescent, and I'm almost able to completely financially rely on myself lol.
I know she has always stated that she thinks I'm hot and wishes she had boobs like mine and every time I let her borrow my clothes, she complains that I look better than her in them..it was always annoying since I'm not someone who really cares what my friends look like. I don't think she's jealous of me in some way, but who knows, maybe that's where she feels that I exceed her. I'm secure in a lot of ways and so is she..so its weird, lol. Either way, its not really important to discuss with her..actions are enough for me.
meh..but I'll just talk to her about her attitude whenever I can.
Is the friendship worth saving? If so, talk to your friend. If not, let it fade.
^^^^ This.
It can't hurt to have a one-on-one with your friend. You can always couch it in terms of wondering if something is up with her. If you're worried about how she'll receive the info, don't do it in public. You could even do it at her place, where she feels comfortable.
Be gentle, diplomatic, and kind about it, like, "I was wondering... Is something going on? You kind of don't seem like yourself these days."
She'll probably then ask you what you mean, and you can take it from there. Emphasize her good traits in order to illustrate how the bad stuff is out of character for her. Who knows? Maybe something is going on, and she's just waiting for someone to notice and ask.
And if she gets defensive or gives you an attitude, then you know where the friendship is headed, and you can move on.
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