how do you tell a friend you don't like their "new" attitude (wife, father)
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Its sort of a long, complicated story, but one of my best friends of whom we've been pretty much joined at the hip since we met (4 years ago) and who was always a blast to be around, is now someone who is judgemental and almost bullyish in behavior and not so pleasant. I think its a phase (I hope so since I love her, she's pretty much a sister now), but if its not then I'm going to lose a close friend. That's ok of course because that's life, but it would still suck.
Anyways, I think I'm wondering if its a phase because she was treated horribly in her last relationship and has been on this "life is too short" kick once she started to feel better and met an amazing guy, which is good of course, but that's not the problem. Now that she insists to never be sad, she acts like its ok for her to be sad when she has a bad day but if someone else is feeling down or going through things, she calls them "emo" or "sad and pathetic" or "weak" so only she is allowed to have "bad days" but not everyone else . On top of it, she thinks its funny to make me feel stupid and useless any chance she gets (especially if I have a blonde moment..who doesn't have that?). In fact right around christmas time this past year, she humiliated me in front of all our friends and called me stupid, but I let it go since I'm not a drama queen..that's the bullyish behavior I'm talking about. She never used to talk down to me like that, in fact, she was always cheering me on in anything I set my mind to (which I don't need, but isn't that what friends do?). Beyond that, she says things that makes me want to ask her why she's friends with me if certain things about me annoy her that much.
So now, her and I are planning a trip to pick up our friend from North Carolina since she's moving back to AZ, the week of my birthday, and road trip back home. I think it'll be a very fun trip, but I'm not only having second thoughts about my friendship with her, but also about this trip. I can just see her putting me down the entire trip and life's too short for that. I don't want to spend my birthday being made to feel like an idiot and have us wind up hating each other. so the next time I speak with her, I'm telling her I'm not going since we haven't bought tickets or reserved any hotels yet.
This has been bothering me for months, almost a year. I thought I was going crazy noticing this unpleasant change about her, but our other friends are picking up on her attitude, even my friends who've briefly met her through me are noticing. Clearly I'm not crazy then!
I just don't know how to bring this up without destroying the friendship since overall, she is a good, fun person to be around. She's just gotten really full of herself lately so I could wind up really offending her. That, and I don't know if it matters to bring it up at all since it could also just be that we're drifting apart too, but if it bothers me that much, I feel like I must say something! Her parents are also going through what looks like is going to be a messy divorce since her brother is still a minor and her mom is going through an "I'm done being a wife and mother" phase which must be really painful for her I'm sure so I have to be considerate of that too. Her father is a really good man and I don't like what I'm hearing about her mother's behavior. Either way, we're all grown and pretty independent now, but it still hurts when your parents don't want to be your parents suddenly.
So ya, I'm sure other people have been through this sort of thing..its tricky and it sucks so its frustrating me
people grow and change and not always for the better. I had a really good friend in high school and after. When she got married, I was her maid of honor, but she became money obsessed and the down to earth reality girl I once adored and had fun with, simply disappeared. She would constantly make remarks at how they made more money than her inlaws went to visit them a couple times, but it was extremely uncomfortable. I get a Christmas card with a photo of her family every year and that's about it. What underscores this is I was brought up in a money house and I NEVER acted the way she does looking down her nose at people. It was very unbecoming and that kind of attitude was one I didn't need to be around.
what you're describing, is what I'm afraid she's sort of becoming. She's used to getting what she wants because people spoil her, she's always been very grateful and appreciative in return though, but lately, she brags a lot and rubs everything she has in everyone's faces (especially her "amazing" relationship, that most people don't have apparently). It might not be a phase then I guess...she's had this attitude for over a year now.
google greek mythology and look at narcisst and echo.
also google coda 12 step home page and review patterns and characteristics.
on the lighter side
what is the difference between a codependent and a pit bull.
a pit bull knows when to let go.
haha, good one! I've been debating letting go, trust me! its why I haven't really said anything since I don't know if it'll serve a purpose.
Its sort of a long, complicated story, but one of my best friends of whom we've been pretty much joined at the hip since we met (4 years ago) and who was always a blast to be around, is now someone who is judgemental and almost bullyish in behavior and not so pleasant. I think its a phase (I hope so since I love her, she's pretty much a sister now), but if its not then I'm going to lose a close friend. That's ok of course because that's life, but it would still suck.
Anyways, I think I'm wondering if its a phase because she was treated horribly in her last relationship and has been on this "life is too short" kick once she started to feel better and met an amazing guy, which is good of course, but that's not the problem. Now that she insists to never be sad, she acts like its ok for her to be sad when she has a bad day but if someone else is feeling down or going through things, she calls them "emo" or "sad and pathetic" or "weak" so only she is allowed to have "bad days" but not everyone else . On top of it, she thinks its funny to make me feel stupid and useless any chance she gets (especially if I have a blonde moment..who doesn't have that?). In fact right around christmas time this past year, she humiliated me in front of all our friends and called me stupid, but I let it go since I'm not a drama queen..that's the bullyish behavior I'm talking about. She never used to talk down to me like that, in fact, she was always cheering me on in anything I set my mind to (which I don't need, but isn't that what friends do?). Beyond that, she says things that makes me want to ask her why she's friends with me if certain things about me annoy her that much.
So now, her and I are planning a trip to pick up our friend from North Carolina since she's moving back to AZ, the week of my birthday, and road trip back home. I think it'll be a very fun trip, but I'm not only having second thoughts about my friendship with her, but also about this trip. I can just see her putting me down the entire trip and life's too short for that. I don't want to spend my birthday being made to feel like an idiot and have us wind up hating each other. so the next time I speak with her, I'm telling her I'm not going since we haven't bought tickets or reserved any hotels yet.
This has been bothering me for months, almost a year. I thought I was going crazy noticing this unpleasant change about her, but our other friends are picking up on her attitude, even my friends who've briefly met her through me are noticing. Clearly I'm not crazy then!
I just don't know how to bring this up without destroying the friendship since overall, she is a good, fun person to be around. She's just gotten really full of herself lately so I could wind up really offending her. That, and I don't know if it matters to bring it up at all since it could also just be that we're drifting apart too, but if it bothers me that much, I feel like I must say something! Her parents are also going through what looks like is going to be a messy divorce since her brother is still a minor and her mom is going through an "I'm done being a wife and mother" phase which must be really painful for her I'm sure so I have to be considerate of that too. Her father is a really good man and I don't like what I'm hearing about her mother's behavior. Either way, we're all grown and pretty independent now, but it still hurts when your parents don't want to be your parents suddenly.
So ya, I'm sure other people have been through this sort of thing..its tricky and it sucks so its frustrating me
I take it you're not in high school. ? I think your relationship is changing and you have to accept it. If she's hurting your feelings then back off a little bit. If she continues to hurt your feelings then back of a bit more. Keep backing off until you reach a place where you both feel comfortable. If she has half a brain, she might get the message--or she might not. Friends come and go.
Maybe you are just now starting to see what she is really like. You mentioned she was in a bad relationship where she was treated poorly. Perhaps she went through a phase where her self esteem was low (around the time she met you?) and now that she's got the wind back in her sails you are seeing who she really is, even if it took four years. People sometimes tend to be a bit more humble when they are down and out. If she was going through a rut all those years and is now strong again this could be who she really is and you may have to re-evaluate your friendship if it's causing this much concern.
I'm very "cost-effective" when it comes to friendships. Does this friend build me up? Is he not only fun to be around, but is he a pleasant person I can respect, whose manners and outlook on life make ME want to become a better person? Does he encourage me? etc?
Ron, a new friend I made over the past year and who is somebody I respect and like is just like this. He's taught me a lot just by being himself. Ron's been superbusy in 2010 so we don't meet often but talk often and have plans at least once a month.
In contrast last week I had an online chat with John, whom I met almost 25 years ago, whom I considered my best friend for at least 10 years, and whom I thought I would be close until my death. He has known me intimately and knows a lot about my family. But when we chatted it was awkward at first. We've grown distant. I confessed to John that his antics (not cockiness, but his flakiness and unreliability and his non-response to several invitations I made earlier this decade, among other things) made me walk away. He admitted I had a point, that other friends had mentioned it (and far more harshly than me, FYI) and he apologized.
He actually wanted me to send him an email with my contact info. I laughed and said, "what for? You will never call me. You will never email me. You will never try to make plans with me." He didn't like it, but he knew it was true. It may have been harsh, but that's how I am now. If he hasn't made time for me in almost 5 years, why would he suddenly make time now? I've moved on and made new friends along the way.
Is the friendship worth saving? If so, talk to your friend. If not, let it fade. I never thought it would've faded with John, but it did. I hope it doesn't fade with Ron, but you never know what life will bring.
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. On top of it, she thinks its funny to make me feel stupid and useless any chance she gets (especially if I have a blonde moment..who doesn't have that?). In fact right around christmas time this past year, she humiliated me in front of all our friends and called me stupid, but I let it go since I'm not a drama queen..that's the bullyish behavior I'm talking about. She never used to talk down to me like that, in fact, she was always cheering me on in anything I set my mind to (which I don't need, but isn't that what friends do?). Beyond that, she says things that makes me want to ask her why she's friends with me if certain things about me annoy her that much. 
