Do you stay, or do you go? (Lynchburg: mortgages, townhouse)

[StandBack-DoorsClosing]

I'm guessing a lot of people who have lived in NoVA have had to make the following decision for their family: Do we...

1) Stay here long term. Kids will have great schools. I'll have a fulfilling job doing important things, and get paid well. There is no shortage of jobs in my field. We'd pretty much be guaranteed a worry free life, nice house, etc.

2) Move back to where family is. Schools are pretty bad there. Jobs in my field are fewer and far between, and likely not as fulfilling. But kids will get to grow up being near family.

Family can't move here because it's too expensive, especially for grandparents on a fixed income, or they're just too attached to move.

I know this is a decision everyone must make on their own, but I'm curious to hear what other people have decided to do and why.

[LynchburgLover]

When you're old, you'll never regret not having a better job, big house, etc. However, you will look back and regret not spending time with your family and having your kids know their grandparents as people, not just once a year visitors.

Re schools -- go private or supplement with other enrichment/travel. Remember the highly-ranked student from Podunk has a better chance at top schools than the kid 1/2 down at Langley or whatever. Top colleges like geographic diversity and nothing builds self-esteem more than truly being the best in the crowd.

Best of luck.

[Fredesch]

We don't have one place where family is. And after our 17 year old finishes high school we will leave this area and move to Hawaii or Florida. I work from home and am tired of Virginia and ready to go.

[JD984]

Originally Posted by LynchburgLover

When you're old, you'll never regret not having a better job, big house, etc. However, you will look back and regret not spending time with your family and having your kids know their grandparents as people, not just once a year visitors.

Re schools -- go private or supplement with other enrichment/travel. Remember the highly-ranked student from Podunk has a better chance at top schools than the kid 1/2 down at Langley or whatever. Top colleges like geographic diversity and nothing builds self-esteem more than truly being the best in the crowd.

Best of luck.

Well, having one good job in the family may be better than uncertain employment or the need for both spouses to work two low-paying jobs just to make ends meet.

And I'm pretty sure the "1/2 down at Langley or whatever" kids frequently end up at schools that only the top students from "Podunk" end up attending.

Personally, I'd stay in this area given the circumstances you've described, at least for the time being. There are lots of people who'd like to move from other areas to DC and other places but are stuck in areas with a small employment base where they can't find buyers for their homes at any decent price.

[spencgr]

Originally Posted by LynchburgLover

However, you will look back and regret not spending time with your family and having your kids know their grandparents as people, not just once a year visitors.
.

We never lived close to family members growing up, yet I have NEVER felt I didn't know my grandparents, uncles or extended family as "people". I have always been extremely close to each of them, and didn't even have the benefit of social media to assist. We physically saw each of them once or twice a year. Close distance does not necessarily equate to close relationships.

Do what is best for your family, which includes maintaining close relationships with your family. Do not be fooled to think that means you must live close to them.

[Yankeesfan]

Don't underestimate the stress that can come from financial concerns, unsatisfying work, and inadequate schools for your children, especially with the terrible economy being the "new normal" in many places in the country. If you all have a burning desire to live where your families are, for the sake of that place, then consider it. But would you resent giving up what you have here to go there? There are many ways to stay in touch. If finances are a concern for the grandparents, you might pay for them to visit here more often than they can afford themselves. If your children are old enough, or when they're old enough, maybe they could stay for a week each summer with their grandparents, without you, which would be a nice bonding experience (my children used to do that with one set of grandparents).

[kutra11]

Providing a secure footing for my children always trumps everything (so I vote for #1 option). Family visits can be made occasionally to foster close relationships, but that same family might not be there if your family runs into financial hardships (#2 option).

[Sunflower_gal]

My family has chosen to leave. In about a week's time, we will be headed to our new destination in South Carolina. There is something to be said for work-life balance. We felt like the life portion was suffering by dealing with traffic, subpar housing options (didn't want to raise my family in a townhouse forever), and just stress in general. Our household will be taking about a 12% pay cut overall, but it is more than made up for with rents and mortgages that are half or a third of the going rates in NoVa. Not all of the benefits are financial as we will spend less time commuting as it only takes 30-40 minutes to get from one side of town to the other. Two hours to the beach, 90 minutes to the mountains, lots of lakes close by, and the single family home we always wanted, but couldn't afford are some of the other advantages. We won't have family in town like we have here, but we will be about 8 hours drive from both sets of parents that are entering their 70s and have more time to spend with their grandchildren since retirement.

We have only been in this area for 3 years, but it has never really felt like home. After living other places in the U.S. and feeling very at home and part of a community, we wanted to have that feeling again. Good luck with your decision as it is definitely a difficult one!

[CleoShahateet]

I agree with those that said you should stay. Based on what you have described it doesn't seem like an option to go back to where your family is since there are hardly any jobs or unsatisfying jobs and schools are bad. Stay put! My in-laws are 5000 miles away, but the kids still remember them and know who they are thanks to Skype. When they do visit it is extra special and they really remember every detail. It would be nice to be closer, but we feel living in VA is the right choice for our kids and us. The pros definitely outweigh the cons.

[breakingbad]

When I was 10 my parents decided to pack up and leave NoVA for Arizona in order to be close to my mother’s family. I am glad my mom was able to spend time with my grandmother (so did I) but it came with a high price…without giving my life story I encourage you to do what is best for your children. Decisions you make right now will affect them for many years to come. Only you can decide what would be best but when you have children you accept the responsibility of preparing them for their future to the best of your ability. Can you visit? Can they visit? Is there some way to give keep them connected despite distance?
I am in the process of orchestrating a move back to the DC area for my son to get a better education so he can have options and goals. I will provide him the opportunity while he is a child and hopefully his determination, intelligence and faith will help him to find success (by worldly standards) some day.
Good luck!