The NoVA Sub-Forum Prodigal Son (Reston: apartment, how much, layoffs)
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Location: Chapel Hill, NC, formerly NoVA and Phila
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Welcome back. I was just thinking about you today, too when I was driving home earlier this evening. I am glad that you are doing better. I always felt some kinship with you (even though I am 20 years earlier) because I, too, come from Pennsylvania and moved here right after college. And I HATED living here (DC area in general, not NoVA). I felt there was no sense of community - no towns like they have in Pennsylvania. It took several years before I learned to like living here and about 10 before I found a place to call home. So there definitely is hope. I wish you the best.
RestonRunner86 said "I'm returning to the idealistic, vibrant, and compassionate person that I once was", you forgot modest and humble.
I fear that you are in for a fall. It is not possible to change that much, in that short of a time period, and have it be a permanent change. A bit of a more even keel might be best. Your drastic mood swings are scary. I hope that you can find something between ecstatic and depressed, something more normal and realistic.
Last edited by FindingZen; 03-20-2010 at 09:10 AM..
Reason: please use current screennames unless member says otherwise
Are you working part time now? Sounds like you were off work on Friday and maybe Thursday? less work should help improve your moods!
I see you haven't given up on very long posts.
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Originally Posted by RestonRunner86
Thank you. Today I took a therapeutic drive through NoVA's "Hunt Country" (Middleburg Area) for the first time. I then veered up a side street off of Route 50 through Millwood and Boyce and then took U.S. 340 up to Berryville where I caught 7 back down to Reston. Seeing the trees so near to getting their buds made me realize how close I came to never getting to see a sight like the first Spring blooms ever again.
Thanks! My therapist pretty much told me to stop letting people walk all over me, and that's exactly the new persona I've adopted. I may have never pulled back from going toe-to-toe with people on this forum, but in real life I hated to have an enemy and always went to the greatest extent possible to make someone laugh and to turn a frown upside-down! She has taught me to be more selective about whom I keep company with so that I never again have to endure the vile things that some "friends" did to me back in January.
Thanks!
Thanks, Caladium. I know this is for "real" this time though. I'm genuinely happy. As I stated above today I took a therapeutic drive through Hunt Country. Tomorrow morning I'm doing a 5K run in Brambleton, potentially followed by reconnecting with a friend and taking him out to explore the District. Sunday I'm going to donate blood, go to church, and then go to a new members' "meet and greet" sort of affair afterwards at the home of a fellow congregant. Then Sunday night is my awesome television line-up---The Simpsons, Cleveland Show, Desperate Housewives, and Brothers & Sisters!
I don't expect anyone to rush to rally to my side. I know trust and respect need to be earned. I just hope people don't automatically assume I'm going to be some big jerk and not even give me a chance.
Now that the weather is improving, Margery, I've pledged to spend less time indoors in general. Yesterday evening I enjoyed a wonderful hike along the Difficult Run Trail in Great Falls. Today I took that country drive. Tomorrow I am doing a 5K run followed by exploring the District. Sunday will be spent connecting with people from my church. I already have a volunteer opportunity lined up for next weekend. Life is good.
Welcome back. If it helps, I've always found these 3 cliches to be remarkably helpful:
Easy does it.
This too shall pass.
Don't sweat the small stuff. And... everything is small stuff.
This may sound a little corny, but one time when I was really lonely I bought some seeds and grew some marigolds in my window. I chose marigolds because they were easy to grow (thought looking at a pot of dirt might depress me even more). Something about watching the seeds push through the dirt and grow a little more every day gave me a feeling of hope. You're watching life in the process of creation; that can be a very positive thing.
RestonRunner86 said "find a person whom I could nurture, cherish, and pamper,". Be careful with this attitude. It totally creeps me out. I would NEVER want to be with a man who treated me like that. It's just too controlling. I would find it smothering if an adult man was like that. I would also wonder why he didn't have his own life, one that he wanted to share, rather than all that focus on me. Adults nurture and pamper their infants and children, not their spouses. Just my opinion. You might find a man who wants to be taken care of and doesn't mind all that attention, cherishing, and nurturing. You can be his Daddy and he won't mind. There must be some men like that.
Last edited by FindingZen; 03-20-2010 at 09:12 AM..
Reason: please use current screenname unless member says otherwise
Welcome back. I don't know if you realized that you WERE missed here (in fact, people were calling out for you every so often). Sorry you've had to go through this. I'm glad to hear you are finding happiness in yourself and your surroundings. Welcome back and I hope it's for the long haul. You make these forums a little more interesting with your perspectives.
Very happy for you. I sit on the sidelines to read posts, and I always enjoy your posts
Thanks! I'm going to make a concerted effort now to be less controversial (albeit probably not less "verbose!") LOL!
Quote:
Originally Posted by bmwguydc
Welcome back!
Thanks!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by themommy
Welcome back! I was just wondering about you this morning. Glad to hear that you're okay and getting okayer by the day.
Now that my complex has FINALLY fixed my shower after me begging and pleading I'm doing super-duper okay!
Quote:
Originally Posted by michgc
Welcome back. I was just thinking about you today, too when I was driving home earlier this evening. I am glad that you are doing better. I always felt some kinship with you (even though I am 20 years earlier) because I, too, come from Pennsylvania and moved here right after college. And I HATED living here (DC area in general, not NoVA). I felt there was no sense of community - no towns like they have in Pennsylvania. It took several years before I learned to like living here and about 10 before I found a place to call home. So there definitely is hope. I wish you the best.
This has been a struggle for me as well. I came from an area where there were tons of small towns with their own independent businesses, Main Street settings, Little League teams, tight-knit churches, older architecture, etc. and now I'm living in an area with none of that. I'm still very near to awesome places though like Berryville, Winchester, Fredericksburg, Middleburg, Warrenton, and Purcellville that give me that fuzzy feeling of "home" inside though. I also love Falls Church and Vienna, but judging by the rental prices in both towns it's generally speaking "if you're not affluent, then don't bother." Obviously judging by how expensive it is to live in a walkable established urban environment one would think NoVA's planners of 20-40 years ago would have planned more places like Vienna or Falls Church and less like South Riding, Reston, or Broadlands, but I digress.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mdcrim
Welcome back. I don't know if you realized that you WERE missed here (in fact, people were calling out for you every so often). Sorry you've had to go through this. I'm glad to hear you are finding happiness in yourself and your surroundings. Welcome back and I hope it's for the long haul. You make these forums a little more interesting with your perspectives.
Thank you. I really appreciate the concern. I'm at the start of a long path to recovery, but never before has one of my "peaks" lasted roughly a week (and counting), so I think this might finally be permanent healing I'm enjoying.
RestonRunner86 said "I'm returning to the idealistic, vibrant, and compassionate person that I once was", you forgot modest and humble.
I fear that you are in for a fall. It is not possible to change that much, in that short of a time period, and have it be a permanent change. A bit of a more even keel might be best. Your drastic mood swings are scary. I hope that you can find something between ecstatic and depressed, something more normal and realistic.
Actually in "real life" I AM modest and humble. Don't always judge someone by the facade they may display online. Through all of our bickering the one adjective I may have formerly used to describe you would have been "abrasive", but I'm sure you're probably an amazing woman in person. I'm not looking to dwell upon the past. Over the four years I've been on City-Data I've had more positive experiences (i.e. meeting people whom I counseled on relocation, had hundreds of thousands of photo tour views, etc.) than negative ones (i.e. having my career threatened over a severe misunderstanding). This is a fresh start. The weather is gorgeous outside, I hear a woodpecker nearby, and all around us are signs of "rebirth." Yes, my drastic mood swings were scary, but I would not have made this return to the forum if I thought I was so fragile I might "snap" again tonight and shoot myself.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denton56
Are you working part time now? Sounds like you were off work on Friday and maybe Thursday? less work should help improve your moods!
I see you haven't given up on very long posts.
I'm still working full-time. I work typically around 6 AM-3 PM, so Thursday evening I had plenty of time for my run and hike. Yesterday I did indeed take a sick day because I wanted to ENSURE that my complex was going to fix my shower since it has been such an unpleasant experience for me to go for so long with a shower that barely worked to begin with and kept dropping huge chunks of paint/plaster on me. Once the gentleman showed up, and once I ensured he was prepared with everything he needed, I gave him space and went out to explore Hunt Country. I know I personally don't like to be watched as I worked, so I extended him that same courtesy.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denton56
What a lovely idea.
Yes. Indeed it is.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Denton56
RestonRunner86 said "find a person whom I could nurture, cherish, and pamper,". Be careful with this attitude. It totally creeps me out. I would NEVER want to be with a man who treated me like that. It's just too controlling. I would find it smothering if an adult man was like that. I would also wonder why he didn't have his own life, one that he wanted to share, rather than all that focus on me. Adults nurture and pamper their infants and children, not their spouses. Just my opinion. You might find a man who wants to be taken care of and doesn't mind all that attention, cherishing, and nurturing. You can be his Daddy and he won't mind. There must be some men like that.
I've always been a "nurturer" of sorts. When someone is feeling blue I'll be the one to reach out pro-actively to see what it is I can do to try to make them feel better, even if it's at my own expense. I'm not sooo creepy that I call myself a sugar daddy and do baby talk or anything, but generally speaking I like to be the dominant one who pays for our meals, who will drive us anywhere we'd need to go, who will do the planning for road-trips, make all necessary calls, etc. I know this may show the more sensitive side to me, but in my eyes nothing beats being a "big spoon"---holding someone in a bear hug-like grip as we watch a movie on my couch. In many ways I'm as masculine as you can be while still being non-heterosexual. Unfortunately now three times (yes THREE) since I've moved to NoVA I've had my altruistic qualities taken advantage of by guys who, like locusts, descended upon me, got their "fill", became stronger people, and then kicked me to the curb. That feeling of being "used" so much is a small part (amongst many) of the contributing factors that led me to snap. How people could regard you as a good friend and then stab you in the back the way they did to me is beyond my realm of comprehension. I'm not a bad catch, either, especially now that I'm finally "balanced." I'm in an upwardly-mobile career track and aspire to earn my MBA, CPA, and either Ph.D. or JD by age 30. I have a sarcastic sense of humor that a lot of people are drawn to. I am well on my way to having a six-pack and hope to run my first half-marathon later this year. Finally, in my eyes it is THEIR loss for what they did to me---there isn't anything inherently "wrong" with me to have made them take advantage of me as they did. That was their own problem, not mine. It took my therapist to finally snap that into my skull, as I would cry myself to sleep every night wondering why I was so "beneath" everyone that I was just an emotional punching bag. Now my new mantra is "This is me. Don't like it? Go to heck."
Last edited by FindingZen; 03-20-2010 at 10:19 AM..
Reason: corrected screenname reference
Welcome back and once again welcome to Reston. I hope you will give the trails around the Walker Nature Center and South Lakes area a try on one of your runs - I think they are some of the best trails in the Reston system.
Welcome back and good luck. Spring in NoVa is generally a great time of year (though some who suffer from allergies might disagree) and we'd love to see more of your photo tours.
You definitely make a lot of contributions on this forum and leave quite an impression. I can never sit in traffic now without the thought also coming to mind that I'm actually in a "conga line"!
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My therapist pretty much told me to stop letting people walk all over me, and that's exactly the new persona I've adopted. I may have never pulled back from going toe-to-toe with people on this forum, but in real life I hated to have an enemy and always went to the greatest extent possible to make someone laugh and to turn a frown upside-down! She has taught me to be more selective about whom I keep company with so that I never again have to endure the vile things that some "friends" did to me back in January.
