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LOL, ummm you might want to make that a bunny OR a sunflower. A bunny might knock the plant over, creating a mess. Then he'll eat the plant, killing both your plant and possibly the bunny too if it's a poisonous plant. That might not deliver the cheerful message you want.
Sorry, your post is way too long to read all of it.
Word to the wise, you might not want to advertise all over the internet that you abuse government sick leave policy by taking most of your sick days when you are not sick. Your bosses may have a problem with that. Sick leave is not supposed to be used to admit maintenance men into your apartment. Don't they have keys? Such admissions may make your bosses somewhat reluctant to give you the big raise in June and the big bonus that you are expecting, particularly when you also post online that you don't know your job and often have no idea what you are supposed to be doing. I'm not sure about the government, but in real life, people who abuse sick leave, and can't do their job properly, do not get big raises and big bonuses. In fact, some people who can't do their jobs, and abuse sick leave, can even lose their jobs! Imagine that! So you might want to keep some of those things to yourself and not post them online for all to see.
Moderator Cut
Enjoy the sunshine!
Quote:
Originally Posted by RestonRunner86
Actually in "real life" I AM modest and humble. Don't always judge someone by the facade they may display online. Through all of our bickering the one adjective I may have formerly used to describe you would have been "abrasive", but I'm sure you're probably an amazing woman in person. I'm not looking to dwell upon the past. Over the four years I've been on City-Data I've had more positive experiences (i.e. meeting people whom I counseled on relocation, had hundreds of thousands of photo tour views, etc.) than negative ones (i.e. having my career threatened over a severe misunderstanding). This is a fresh start. The weather is gorgeous outside, I hear a woodpecker nearby, and all around us are signs of "rebirth." Yes, my drastic mood swings were scary, but I would not have made this return to the forum if I thought I was so fragile I might "snap" again tonight and shoot myself.
I'm still working full-time. I work typically around 6 AM-3 PM, so Thursday evening I had plenty of time for my run and hike. Yesterday I did indeed take a sick day because I wanted to ENSURE that my complex was going to fix my shower since it has been such an unpleasant experience for me to go for so long with a shower that barely worked to begin with and kept dropping huge chunks of paint/plaster on me. Once the gentleman showed up, and once I ensured he was prepared with everything he needed, I gave him space and went out to explore Hunt Country. I know I personally don't like to be watched as I worked, so I extended him that same courtesy.
Yes. Indeed it is.
I've always been a "nurturer" of sorts. When someone is feeling blue I'll be the one to reach out pro-actively to see what it is I can do to try to make them feel better, even if it's at my own expense. I'm not sooo creepy that I call myself a sugar daddy and do baby talk or anything, but generally speaking I like to be the dominant one who pays for our meals, who will drive us anywhere we'd need to go, who will do the planning for road-trips, make all necessary calls, etc. I know this may show the more sensitive side to me, but in my eyes nothing beats being a "big spoon"---holding someone in a bear hug-like grip as we watch a movie on my couch. In many ways I'm as masculine as you can be while still being non-heterosexual. Unfortunately now three times (yes THREE) since I've moved to NoVA I've had my altruistic qualities taken advantage of by guys who, like locusts, descended upon me, got their "fill", became stronger people, and then kicked me to the curb. That feeling of being "used" so much is a small part (amongst many) of the contributing factors that led me to snap. How people could regard you as a good friend and then stab you in the back the way they did to me is beyond my realm of comprehension. I'm not a bad catch, either, especially now that I'm finally "balanced." I'm in an upwardly-mobile career track and aspire to earn my MBA, CPA, and either Ph.D. or JD by age 30. I have a sarcastic sense of humor that a lot of people are drawn to. I am well on my way to having a six-pack and hope to run my first half-marathon later this year. Finally, in my eyes it is THEIR loss for what they did to me---there isn't anything inherently "wrong" with me to have made them take advantage of me as they did. That was their own problem, not mine. It took my therapist to finally snap that into my skull, as I would cry myself to sleep every night wondering why I was so "beneath" everyone that I was just an emotional punching bag. Now my new mantra is "This is me. Don't like it? Go to heck."
Last edited by FindingZen; 03-20-2010 at 08:26 PM..
Reason: personal attack
....but in real life, people who can't do their job properly, do not get big raises and big bonuses...
Oh really? Ummm, would A.I.G....Bear Stearns....Lehman Brothers, etc. qualify as "real life"? If so, lots of those "people" did OK after destroying their companies and costing the taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars.
Actually in "real life" I AM modest and humble. Don't always judge someone by the facade they may display online. Through all of our bickering the one adjective I may have formerly used to describe you would have been "abrasive", but I'm sure you're probably an amazing woman in person. I'm not looking to dwell upon the past. Over the four years I've been on City-Data I've had more positive experiences (i.e. meeting people whom I counseled on relocation, had hundreds of thousands of photo tour views, etc.) than negative ones (i.e. having my career threatened over a severe misunderstanding). This is a fresh start. The weather is gorgeous outside, I hear a woodpecker nearby, and all around us are signs of "rebirth." Yes, my drastic mood swings were scary, but I would not have made this return to the forum if I thought I was so fragile I might "snap" again tonight and shoot myself.
I'm still working full-time. I work typically around 6 AM-3 PM, so Thursday evening I had plenty of time for my run and hike. Yesterday I did indeed take a sick day because I wanted to ENSURE that my complex was going to fix my shower since it has been such an unpleasant experience for me to go for so long with a shower that barely worked to begin with and kept dropping huge chunks of paint/plaster on me. Once the gentleman showed up, and once I ensured he was prepared with everything he needed, I gave him space and went out to explore Hunt Country. I know I personally don't like to be watched as I worked, so I extended him that same courtesy.
Yes. Indeed it is.
I've always been a "nurturer" of sorts. When someone is feeling blue I'll be the one to reach out pro-actively to see what it is I can do to try to make them feel better, even if it's at my own expense. I'm not sooo creepy that I call myself a sugar daddy and do baby talk or anything, but generally speaking I like to be the dominant one who pays for our meals, who will drive us anywhere we'd need to go, who will do the planning for road-trips, make all necessary calls, etc. I know this may show the more sensitive side to me, but in my eyes nothing beats being a "big spoon"---holding someone in a bear hug-like grip as we watch a movie on my couch. In many ways I'm as masculine as you can be while still being non-heterosexual. Unfortunately now three times (yes THREE) since I've moved to NoVA I've had my altruistic qualities taken advantage of by guys who, like locusts, descended upon me, got their "fill", became stronger people, and then kicked me to the curb. That feeling of being "used" so much is a small part (amongst many) of the contributing factors that led me to snap. How people could regard you as a good friend and then stab you in the back the way they did to me is beyond my realm of comprehension. I'm not a bad catch, either, especially now that I'm finally "balanced." I'm in an upwardly-mobile career track and aspire to earn my MBA, CPA, and either Ph.D. or JD by age 30. I have a sarcastic sense of humor that a lot of people are drawn to. I am well on my way to having a six-pack and hope to run my first half-marathon later this year. Finally, in my eyes it is THEIR loss for what they did to me---there isn't anything inherently "wrong" with me to have made them take advantage of me as they did. That was their own problem, not mine. It took my therapist to finally snap that into my skull, as I would cry myself to sleep every night wondering why I was so "beneath" everyone that I was just an emotional punching bag. Now my new mantra is "This is me. Don't like it? Go to heck."
Good luck with your journey. I hope you don't mind my saying this, but I'm concerned that you're exhibiting some of the classic signs of 'co-dependent' behavior. Earlier in my life I hit a brick wall with my 'care-taking' behaviors (usually at the expense of taking care of myself), and ended up spending 4-plus years in a gay 12-step group that dealt with co-dependency issues (CODA). Caretakers have a tendency to attract all the wrong people (manipulative self-absorbed, charming types who are generally incapable of an adult relationship with anyone). It was very difficult for me to admit that I had a problem since I was kind of a 'macho' jock type, and was also considered a head-turner in my day (I had the world on a string, right?). It was an eye-opener, and one of the best things I've ever done for my emotional well-being. There are several books on the subject----some of the best are written by Melody Beattie. Spend some time getting to know yourself. Trust me, It'll pay off down the road.
Sorry, your post is way too long to read all of it.
Word to the wise, you might not want to advertise all over the internet that you abuse government sick leave policy by taking most of your sick days when you are not sick. Your bosses may have a problem with that. Sick leave is not supposed to be used to admit maintenance men into your apartment. Don't they have keys? Such admissions may make your bosses somewhat reluctant to give you the big raise in June and the big bonus that you are expecting, particularly when you also post online that you don't know your job and often have no idea what you are supposed to be doing. I'm not sure about the government, but in real life, people who abuse sick leave, and can't do their job properly, do not get big raises and big bonuses. In fact, some people who can't do their jobs, and abuse sick leave, can even lose their jobs! Imagine that! So you might want to keep some of those things to yourself and not post them online for all to see.
Moderator Cut
Enjoy the sunshine!
Moderator cut: Commenting on a moderator's actions
By the way, sick leave is the Federal government's version of long-term disability leave. All you do is bank it, and bank it, and bank it in case something ever goes awry medically down the line that would cause you to need an extended absence. I had taken much of my sick leave thus far for "mental health days" to help cope with my depression---days when I'd be better off NOT coming into the office crying or shaking. This past Friday was the first day I had really taken a sick day and wasn't really "sick." I wouldn't have been fully able to have performed on Friday, anyways, worrying about if maintenance ever would have arrived to deal with my mess of a shower. Sick leave isn't only for PHYSICAL illness (i.e. Influenza). If you're undergoing some deep personal issues and are having a sharp "down" day then that, too, would definitely qualify as being "sick." HEALTH constitutes physical and MENTAL/EMOTIONAL wellness. I have co-workers who take sick leave when their children have to stay home from school sick. I have co-workers who take sick leave to go to medical appointments and then go home the rest of the day. ANY employer would prefer you NOT to be at the workplace if you were going through such an episode.
Also, I'm still a new hire, and the training at our agency is very sub-par. I was already being assigned to major assignments in the first couple of weeks on the job, and I didn't have the relevant training until after I had already completed them. I was assigned to a very high-profile assignment overseen by agency VIPs before I had even taken our intermediary training. Instead of going into an assignment competent I'm going into them stone cold and then trying to learn it as I go along from trying to ask senior-level colleagues how they may have approached such assignments. My supervisor at the time was so overworked that I felt very sorry for her, and she'd raise her voice at times if you did ask her a question because you were bothering her or raise her voice if you didn't ask questions and starting barking up the wrong tree on a task. Do you know how it feels to be told you could only turn to a supervisor for help but then know you'd have them raise their voice at you for asking a question? This is something that is unique to this region because so few want to move to Northern Virginia (not that I blame them given the outrageous cost-of-living). The "bonus" I allude to is guaranteed because it is a portion of my sign-on bonus that was provided to help lure people here, but thank you for assuming it was performance-based. I have friends who are also new hires in this particular agency in other areas who have been assigned "mentors" who specifically work with them and help them to develop the skills they need in a more expeditious manner. Their supervisors are not quite as overtaxed and are always happy and willing to help them to grasp any relevant skills or concepts they may be struggling with. I was just thrown an assignment and left alone. You can't blame someone for being under-trained due to a regional staffing crisis. In the end my assignments are all done to professional standards, but they end up taking much longer to complete than they should.
Moderator cut: Personal attack
Last edited by bmwguydc; 03-21-2010 at 09:27 AM..
Reason: Personal attack
Oh really? Ummm, would A.I.G....Bear Stearns....Lehman Brothers, etc. qualify as "real life"? If so, lots of those "people" did OK after destroying their companies and costing the taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars.
I never said I "can't do my job." Denton56 assumed that, incorrectly, may I add, as she has assumed much about me in the past. My frustration is that there is no uniformity where I work. Some new hires go into work having a mentor ready to assist them and have a supervisor who isn't overworked and is open and considerate to helping to develop their staff. They do the same job I do, for the same pay, but they have much, much less stress. On Thursday my "teammate"---a veteran in the field may I add---cornered me in my office to harshly interrogate me as to why she was further ahead than I was (completely disregarding the fact that she had done a similar assignment before whereas this was all a foreign concept to me). Before I accepted this position I had heard all of the horror stories about the government, but after growing up seeing my parents undergo so much trauma from my father's frequent layoffs as a private-sector IT professional I knew that public sector job stability was more important to me than coming into work everyday thinking I'd be in the next round of layoffs. Unfortunately in not only my agency but in MANY agencies a lot of people sort of managed to "float" their way to executive leadership positions just from sitting in their chairs for enough years or kissing enough derriere, have not adapted to change well over the course of time, and are ill-equipped to train the next generation of the workforce. Turnover is very high in this region for my position, and I'll be the first to admit that if things don't start to improve SOON I, too, am going to move on. Do you have any idea how much it costs taxpayers to constantly perform background checks on prospective new hires, offer sign-on bonuses to entice them to move to Northern Virginia, train/develop (somewhat) them, etc.? It would be in everyone's best financial interest for government agencies to work to RETAIN their existing workforce, but what do I know?
I've done my job competently thus far. It has just been much, much more stressful and difficult than it has had to be, and I've grown to resent the fact that there is such little uniformity or consistency in how people are treated agency-wide as various policies are not followed. I have some senior-level colleagues asking ME for insight and suggestions on a frequent basis because I've done work they haven't done yet. I don't feel as if I have anywhere to turn to sometimes to ask a complex question because even most senior-level colleagues of mine have no clue how to help (which I noticed Thursday). I'm not "inept." I'm just growing tirelessly angry. I was told what a huge role being a "team player" and "mentorship" played in career development, which really enticed me. The exact opposite has been the case---you're just tossed into the lion's den and told to fend for yourself because not enough people want to move to NoVA (even during the recession, which tells you something) to ensure adequate staffing levels. When I started I had to turn to someone who had been with the agency less than a year for help. It's essentially the blind leading the blind, and as more and more continue to leave (I have several friends already looking for an escape), it will just continue to get worse. My own supervisor was thrust into her position with very little, if any, guidance or support, and I've felt nothing but sorry for her since the day I met her for all the undue stress she has to endure as a result. I feel sorry for myself for then being put into such an awkward position all the time---further stress an overtaxed superior or waste time trying to develop strategies on my own? This has been the worst experience I've ever had since I entered the workforce at age 16, and that's saying a lot considering I nearly sued my first employer for suspending me without pay when I finally expressed concern that he was providing much preferential treatment to his new hire immediate relatives over the rest of his established staff.
RR, I think most of us would agree that sick days are mental or physical or just simply "I can't bear to get out of bed this morning" days. My coworkers and I have definitely used it for such things.
And bunnies make AWESOME pets! I had them growing up, and they were so fun I trained one to run an obstacle course for bananas. They're smart little things! I would definitely take a look at the shelters or rescue groups in the area--in the next 2-3 months they'll be flooded with all the easter rejects If I wasn't so allergic to hay, I'd definitely still have one.
Isn't it amazing how much the sunshine can affect happiness levels? I haven't been suffering the way you have, but the winter definitely took a toll on me. Once the time changed and the sunshine came back though, I could just feel my heart get lighter! I've been enjoying sitting outside after work each day--it's a great way to relax and reflect.
RR, I'm glad to see you're back - the NoVA forum is waaaaay less interesting without you around. (We need to approach one of the networks about a reality show or something.)
Don't let your gubmint job get to you. I'm in a horrible gubmint job situation (one that's completely the reverse of yours, though - my agency is apparently overstaffed and I rarely have anything to do), but I've learned to 'take my check and smile.' Remember - you can make colorful private observations about your supervisor/colleagues while you do this. Heh.
FWIW, here's a good response when you feel someone is trying to provoke you: "Thanks for your opinion, but I'm not taking the bait." Then stop writing--it's more powerful that way and you don't need to justify yourself to anyone.
It's a very handy response for all sorts of situations, and empowering. I'm going to use it more often myself, because letting someone get under your skin is a mistake I sometimes make, too.
Hi RR, just want to check in and see how you're feeling -- I love your new "status" and am hoping you're still doing well after another week?
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I trained one to run an obstacle course for bananas. They're smart little things! I would definitely take a look at the shelters or rescue groups in the area--in the next 2-3 months they'll be flooded with all the easter rejects 
If I wasn't so allergic to hay, I'd definitely still have one.
