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A few weeks ago, my soon to be wife and I went down to the Department of Health in Honolulu to get our marriage license. It was another beautiful Hawaii morning with the smell of the ocean in the air, warm sun on our skin and a beautiful warm beam from my fiances smile. We were overflowing with excitement and happy as school kids going on a field trip.
We were sitting next to two other couples anxiously waiting for our number to be called. The number cards we were holding were made from card board and the numbers were written in black marker. There were holes in the painting on the wall, stains everywhere and a funny smell coming from the couch we were all sitting on. Those little things did not dampen the mood though, it only made a good conversation starter for everyone.
I had a hint that our day was going to be tougher than I thought when the door opened and the happy couple that was ahead of us stepped out with stern faces and eyes rolling. The tall proud man that I had had a brief conversation with earlier did not even look at us, but rather stared at the ground all the way to the exit and the last words I heard him mumble to his fiance was "lets get the hell out of here." As they were walking out a little old lady with short white hair stepped out of the office door and said "who's next." That was when we stepped into the doors and straight into hell.
This old woman looked at us with a frown, examined our forms and started "machine gunning" (talking really fast) all the details of the form and the little errors we made while filling out the form. we just smiled, nodded our heads and made the corrections. 35 seconds into it, my fiances smile faded and so did mine when we started pointing out mistakes SHE MADE, of which she ignored and said, "i'll look into that". As she was rolling her eyes at my fiance and telling her to, "write your mothers name clearer, I can't read that. The way you wrote it is wrong, correct it", I just sat there stunned and thinking to myself, "Is she having her period? Did she have a bad day today? What's going on?"
The two things that really blew my mind were, first, when I asked her questions and just ignored me. She would not answer my questions, she would not even look at me. It was as if I was invisible in that room. My fiance saw the frustation on my face and repeated my questions back at her, of which she answered, and spoke directly at her only.
second, in the section where I had to write my ethnicity, she crossed out what I wrote (I will not specify) and told me, "your people usually write this.....just put that in" What? my people? is it my dark skin she doesn't like? my ethnicity? is it because my fiance is white and I'm not? I thought this was Hawaii, the melting pot of the world? what is going on here?
Finally, I could not take it anymore, so I asked her to please slow down and not talk so fast so that we can understand what she's saying. She finally looked at me and said, "There are other people waiting outside. We're down one other worker, we have to speed things up. We have a full load." FULL LOAD!!! There were 4 OTHER COUPLES OUTSIDE!!!! That's 4 interviews. each interview takes about 20 MINUTES. COME ON!!!
If this was the DMV I would have understood, but this is where happy people go to get their marriage licenses, not their drivers licenses. You should put on a smile (even if you don't want to) and make sure that their happy day, remains that way.
We left that office that day full of anger and frustration. Our day was ruined. In fact I could not shake the anger and frustration for a full week. I was angrier at myself for letting this little old woman taint the happiness we were feeling at our wedding day.
I have been discriminated against all my life. I'm used to it and sometimes I even expect it. To be truthful though, i'm not sure if this is one of those days. I don't know if she was only having a bad day, or if she really is like that all the time. I am positive though, that this day is going to be among the top 5 "Worst Days of My Life" list.
Last edited by mythoughtsandopinions; 10-18-2010 at 04:18 AM..
soory you had a bad experience on your special day. Sometimes it seems as though some of the people who are in positions to serve and help us dont realize just what they are there for. I'm sure she is not the norm in the office. We had a very nice experience when got got our license 5 years ago. Anyway, congrats and hope you have many wonderful years together.
I would have found out her supervisor before leaving the office. Why don't you print out what you wrote here, and send it to the "head" of the Marriage License Bureau. This kind of treatment is absolutely ridiculous. I am so sorry your happy day was dimmed by such an experience.
I can't imagine letting some bad mood old woman working in a government office ruin my day let alone holding on to it for a week. just because she works where you think she should make others feel happy and expect her to put on a smiling happy face is pretty goofy. people are allowed to have a bad mood no matter what job they do, you are allowed to have it effect you or not. this day ranking as one of the 5 worst in your life, I would say you are pretty lucky. most people would say it was the death of a love one, or news of major illnesses, loss of a job, not some woman was rude to me.
When dealing with paperwork and office nebbishes in Hawaii, there are a few guidelines I've found to be helpful over the years:
1. Smile at them and always keep a pleasant expression on your face.
2. Fill out the forms very neatly. Block printing in black ink is usually best.
3. NEVER NEVER NEVER offer extra information - ever. Just don't do it.
4. Ask for their help in some fashion if possible so they can feel smarter than you. Make it something really easy, too. "Is a middle intial enough or should I fill in the whole name?"
5. NEVER question their procedures. They are going to do it the way they do it. Never ask why they want something filled out the way it is on the form.
6. Never doubt their judgment. If there is something in doubt, make it so it was a mistake on your side that they can correct.
7. If discussing anything, keep it to generalities and nothing to do with the project at hand. Discussing the picture of the pet they have on their desk is a really good subject.
Hothulamaui, I totally agree with you. if it was any other day on any other occassion I would have rolled my eyes and walked out the door. This however, was on the day I was going to get married to the love of my life. I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic, and I guess I can't expect someone with a name like "Hothulamaui" to understand.
Hothulamaui, I totally agree with you. if it was any other day on any other occassion I would have rolled my eyes and walked out the door. This however, was on the day I was going to get married to the love of my life. I guess I'm just a hopeless romantic, and I guess I can't expect someone with a name like "Hothulamaui" to understand.
When dealing with paperwork and office nebbishes in Hawaii, there are a few guidelines I've found to be helpful over the years:
1. Smile at them and always keep a pleasant expression on your face.
2. Fill out the forms very neatly. Block printing in black ink is usually best.
3. NEVER NEVER NEVER offer extra information - ever. Just don't do it.
4. Ask for their help in some fashion if possible so they can feel smarter than you. Make it something really easy, too. "Is a middle intial enough or should I fill in the whole name?"
5. NEVER question their procedures. They are going to do it the way they do it. Never ask why they want something filled out the way it is on the form.
6. Never doubt their judgment. If there is something in doubt, make it so it was a mistake on your side that they can correct.
7. If discussing anything, keep it to generalities and nothing to do with the project at hand. Discussing the picture of the pet they have on their desk is a really good subject.
Number 8: Bring cookies. Or flowers.
Srsly. Short of sliding a sawbuck over the counter, it's the most expeditious thing you can do. It worked with Aunty Wanda at the DMV, and I wasn't the only one who thought so, from the numbers of bon-bons and fresh cut flowers on her desk.
I totally agree with #1. If somebody wants to be rude to me, I continue to smile and sometimes even laugh until it's so much work for them to be rude, they give up.
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just because she works where you think she should make others feel happy and expect her to put on a smiling happy face is pretty goofy. 
people are allowed to have a bad mood no matter what job they do, you are allowed to have it effect you or not. this day ranking as one of the 5 worst in your life, I would say you are pretty lucky. most people would say it was the death of a love one, or news of major illnesses, loss of a job, not some woman was rude to me. 
