[Choctaw2]

What a fun thread. Congratulations on your move to Oklahoma. I hope you'll love living there as much as I would.....if I could.

[karibear]

Originally Posted by colleeng47

You guys are too funny Okay, who's Jeff Foxworthy?

Jeff Foxworthy is a hoot! He does the 'You might be a Redneck if...' jokes. Like:

If your wife's ever said "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"

Your house still has the WIDE LOAD sign on the back.

Your huntin dawg cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of one liners like that, and Foxworthy isn't the only creative one by a long shot. Every time he does a show, people try their hand at making new ones, and the internet is full of them.

[colleeng47]

Originally Posted by karibear

Jeff Foxworthy is a hoot! He does the 'You might be a Redneck if...' jokes. Like:

If your wife's ever said "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath."

You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.

You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines!"

Your house still has the WIDE LOAD sign on the back.

Your huntin dawg cost more than the truck you drive him around in.

There are hundreds, if not thousands, of one liners like that, and Foxworthy isn't the only creative one by a long shot. Every time he does a show, people try their hand at making new ones, and the internet is full of them.

OMG, that's sooo funny! I would love to hear him.

[colleeng47]

Originally Posted by Choctaw2

What a fun thread. Congratulations on your move to Oklahoma. I hope you'll love living there as much as I would.....if I could.

Thanks - maybe some day you will!

[Jess5]

Originally Posted by Choctaw2

What a fun thread. Congratulations on your move to Oklahoma. I hope you'll love living there as much as I would.....if I could.

I wish you could, Choctaw.

[bjb123]

Colleen, you can catch Jeff Foxworthy on T.V. occasionally on the Comedy Central Channel. Sometimes they show the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" which he is a part of along with Larry the Cable Guy, Ron White & Bill Engvil (spelling?). The Blue Collar Comedy Tour is also on DVD. It's really funny!

I got my hubby Jeff Foxworthy's 3rd edition of his dictionary for Christmas. I think the title is "How to talk more gooder fastly." We saw him a few years ago at a local county fair. It was the best $15.00 I ever spent! I laughed until my sides hurt! His definition of a redneck is - "the glorious absence of sophistication."

[EarthBound?]

If your Mom has ever said ,"ya'all get in here and look at this before I flush it" YOOOUUU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

If you walk your kid to school because your both in the same grade, YOOOUUU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

If your idea of a honeymoon suite is a Supercab Chevy Pickup, YOOOUUU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

If you've ever said "three more payments and this tatoo is mine" YOOOUUU MIGHT BE A REDNECK.

STILL LMAO!!!!!!

[TheComputerGuy]

Found this on the forum a while back....

I don't know if it's actually Jeff Foxworthy, but it's his style of humor...
Credit to the original poster:

======================

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Oklahoma (which is celebrating its centennial ). . .

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma .

If 'vacation' means going anywhere south of Dallas for the weekend, you may live in Oklahoma.

If you measure distance in hours, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you know several people who have hit a deer more than once, you may live in Oklahoma

If you install security lights on your house and garage, but leave both unlocked, you may live in Oklahoma.

If you carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them, you may live in Oklahoma.

If the speed limit on the highway is 55 mph -- you're going 80 and everybody is passing you, you may live in Oklahoma.

If you find 60 degrees 'a little chilly, you may live in Oklahoma.

If you see a tornado warning on the television but don't get too awfully excited about it until you actually SEE it coming toward you, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you actually understand these jokes and forward them to all your Okie friends & others, you definitely live in Oklahoma . We're friendly folks.

Rules of Oklahoma.

1. Pull up your droopy pants. You look like an idiot.

2. Let's get this straight; it's called a 'gravel road.' I drive a pickup truck because I want to. No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get out of MY way.

3. They are cattle. That's what they smell like to you. They smell like money to us. Get over it. Don't like it? I-40 goes east and west, & I-35 goes north and south. Pick one.

4. So you have a $60,000 car. We're impressed. We have $250,000 combines that are driven only 3 weeks a year.

5. So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of ducks are coming in, we WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawfish. You really want sushi & caviar? It's available at the corner bait shop.

8. The 'Opener' refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November.

9. We open doors for women. That is applied to all women, regardless of age.

10. No, there's no 'vegetarian special' on the menu. Order steak. Or you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham & turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats, vegetables, and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper, and Picante Sauce!! Oh, yeah . . . We don't care what folks in Cincinnati call that stuff they eat . . . IT AIN'T REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in the West . . . and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring 'coke' into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice. You bring 'Mary Jane' into my house, she'd better be cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck, and have long hair.

13. College and high school football & basketball is important here and fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. But don't hit the water hazards -- it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Oklahoma State University and the University of Oklahoma . They come outta there with an education plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

16. We have lots of folks in the Army, Navy, Air Force, and Marines, so 'Don't Mess with Oklahoma.' If you do, you will get whipped by the best. Oklahoma is the greatest state ever!!

Happy Birthday to us!

==================================

I liked it so much that I saved it to a text file.

[karibear]

Originally Posted by TheComputerGuy

Found this on the forum a while back....

I don't know if it's actually Jeff Foxworthy, but it's his style of humor...
Credit to the original poster:

======================

This is what Jeff Foxworthy has to say about folks from Oklahoma (which is celebrating its centennial ). . .

If someone in a Lowe's store offers you assistance and they don't work there, you may live in Oklahoma .

If you've worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you may live in Oklahoma.

If you've had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you may live in Oklahoma .

Most of these have been rewritten for Alaskans, too, as in:

If you wear bunny boots with a mink coat and call it dressed up, you may live in Alaska.

If you refer to your unfinished house as being decorated in Alaska pink, you may live in Alaska.

If you leave your house unlocked just in case your neighbor might need to come in for any reason, you may live in Alaska.

Etc, etc, etc.

P.S.: 'Alaska pink' is bare insulation.

[Goodpasture]

In the nearest town, there are five businesses. One is a store where you can buy gas and beer. One is a garage. One is a feed store. One is a cafe. and one is Rednecks Tire and Bait Store. He will fix a flat for $5.00 and carries fresh minnows and worms.

Next town west of that has "God's Garage and Bible Store"

I love Oklahoma