Restaurants/clubs/places things to do for a solo woman in HB or OC? (Irvine: house, movies)

[jackie100]

I have always been a loner and never had much friends. Even though I went to high school in HB, I pretty much just have one friend from those days and she doesn't really want to go out with me, so what are good places I can visit alone without being thought of as a weirdo or having others feel sorry for me? Which places are receptive to women going alone?

I am not looking to meet men and I don't drink. I'm not really sociable so I'm not looking to mingle much, just to have fun taking in the scenery, listening to music (I prefer top 40), getting out of the house etc. . I already go to the movies and restaurants alone etc so I'm looking for something else to do besides that. I'm looking for nightlife type of things... just to get me out of the house.

I'm looking for places where I won't feel out of place or be made to feel uncomfortable just because I am solo. I am looking for places that welcome people who arrived on my own. I am sure some places are not as receptive.

[masalamomma]

My advice -- get a dog. If you take your dog with you everywhere, there will always be people who want to chat with you, and non stop kids that will think you are a saint if you let them pet your dog.

Seriously, I am a loner too, so I can relate. I usually only go places with my kids, or my husband. I tried making the effort to develop freindships over and over again, and it was never appreciated, so I have given up.

Maybe a cooking class? Art class? What do you like to do besides movies and eat out?

[jackie100]

Originally Posted by masalamomma

My advice -- get a dog. If you take your dog with you everywhere, there will always be people who want to chat with you, and non stop kids that will think you are a saint if you let them pet your dog.

Seriously, I am a loner too, so I can relate. I usually only go places with my kids, or my husband. I tried making the effort to develop freindships over and over again, and it was never appreciated, so I have given up.

Maybe a cooking class? Art class? What do you like to do besides movies and eat out?

I am looking for nightlife activity; nightclubs and clubs/restaurants. I don't want to take cooking classes or art classes. I want to enjoy the nightlife; meaning nightclubs and such. I am curious why you would tell me to take art and cooking classes when I'm looking for nightlife.... I am not interested in cooking classes or art classes. I don't enjoy those type of things...

I am actually not looking for random strangers people to chat to me etc and a dog is too much responsibility for me to take care of.

I am looking for nightclubs etc that are open to women going alone where you won't stand out too much or be ridiculed for being alone.

The things that I'm interested in; going clubbing, a place that plays top 40 and is receptive to people who are going alone.

[EscapeCalifornia]

You want to go to clubs alone but not meet people or drink. Uh, OK.

[jackie100]

Originally Posted by EscapeCalifornia

You want to go to clubs alone but not meet people or drink. Uh, OK.

Just to get out of the house because I'm tired of staying home every friday night and saturday night. I also like to dress up, clubbing is a chance to get glammed up. It's a chance to get dressed up, dance by myself, listen to a good dj.

I never drank before, I just don't find it fun and I don't enjoy drinking. It's not good for my skin either... I'm vain, I don't want to smoke or drink because it ages people...

[EscapeCalifornia]

I'm pretty sure any club will let a single woman in. Of course going alone would attract male attention.

[jackie100]

Originally Posted by EscapeCalifornia

I'm pretty sure any club will let a single woman in. Of course going alone would attract male attention.

I don't mind male attention. I just want a place where I won't feel ostracized for being alone. For example, some restaurants are geared towards big groups and I would feel really weird eating there alone whereas some sushi joints have small booths so I can just hide out and not feel out of place when I am alone. I just prefer places where I won't be judged or ostracized or be made to feel out of place because I am alone.

I noticed some places are friendly to loners where at others you feel really "stared at" and "out of place" because you are alone.

[EscapeCalifornia]

I can't say I've ever felt judged or ostracized by going to a restaurant alone. Are you sure you're not making it up in your head?

[jackie100]

Originally Posted by EscapeCalifornia

I can't say I've ever felt judged or ostracized by going to a restaurant alone. Are you sure you're not making it up in your head?

I don't know... sometimes I feel like people (meaning other diners) are looking or glancing at me and then probably thinking to themselves "Why is she alone" but I don't know for sure if that's what they are thinking, it's just what I think.

And I think sometimes the hostesses are baffled if I say I want a table for 1. I am not positive though, it very well could be in my head.

So I went on-line and did a bit of research on this topic and I found some articles which stated that WOMEN dining alone are viewed more out of place versus a MAN dining alone...

Women who go out alone are seen as out of place | Arizona living, dining, travel, gardening, outdoors, religion | eastvalleytribune.com (http://www.eastvalleytribune.com/story/86199 - broken link)

Some excerpts
There are other possible explanations for this so-called stigma associated with women who go out solo. Calvin Morrill, a professor and chairman of sociology at UC Irvine, says it has to do with cultural expectations for women in public settings.

“It’s a holdover from a historical context, from a time when women didn’t go out alone in public unless under certain exceptions,” said Morrill, who co-edited the book, “Together Alone: Personal Relationships in Public Places.”

These constraints are more subtle now than, say, 50 years ago, explained Morrill — but women who go out alone are still seen as out of place.

While researching the book, Morrill and co-editors David Snow and Cindy White found that women face more challenges than men when out by themselves.

“Safety is a big issue. Women are more vulnerable going out alone, and it might not seem as appropriate as men going out alone,” said Morrill. “Women are often susceptible to untoward advances such as catcalling and other harassment.”

There are public venues that are excluded from such cultural expectations. The shopping mall or other insulated areas such as a university campus or gated community are examples of places where a woman might feel more comfortable being alone and where it is considered OK by others as well."

I also read the opinions of lots of other people on-line and a lot of people said they DO notice when someone is out alone and that they usually feel "sorry" for the person eating by themselves and sometimes will wonder why that person is alone.

I read tons and tons of articles on this subject and quite a few people have said that they feel strange when eating or going out alone etc. A lot of people like to think "Oh everyone will be too busy with their own thing to notice that I am alone or to even pay attention to me" etc but that's not true! Some people WILL notice and they might think it's odd or wonder why you're alone.

[jj970]

Jackie100, you may find this offensive but I'm sure you've heard it before...from your posts, you are not quite like others. You have trouble with people and have difficulty even navigating traffic.

You are making much to big a deal about going out alone. Yes, people may see you. Do they think about you? No. Do they care about you? No. Will they remember you the next day? No.

You say you worry about being ostracized for being alone. To be ostracized, you have to be first in a group to be excluded from. You are not in a group. You are alone already. You, by choosing to be a loner, have made it impossible for a group to ostracize you, since you are not with them to begin with.

If you want to go dance at a club by yourself, go ahead. No one will care. If you are attractive, yes, some guys may try to dance with you or talk to you. You said you don't mind that. If you are ugly, then NO ONE will care.

There are a lot of clubs and bars in HB and NB. They are all gathering places for people. You won't find any that have signs up saying, "Come solo, that's what we are about." On the other hand, the patrons at these places are not going to burst out laughing at you because they see you alone. You will just be another random person in a bar/club. That's it. Just go out and live your life and quit worrying so much.