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The undertaker called the next of kin to confirm the funeral arrangements desired for the dear departed. As luck would have it the son-in-law who was actually delighted to be red of the old battle-ax answered the phone.
“We’re sorry to disturb you in this time of personal grief,” the undertaker uttered solemnly, “but appears to be some confusion as to whether the body of the loved one is to be buried or cremated.”
“Let’s not take any chances,” “Do both” said the son-in-law.
Two old-time political aides are walking through a shabby, overgrown cemetery, writing down names from the headstones.
One of the men works very fast, stopping only by upright stones where he can read the names clearly.
The other works deliberately, gone from one stone to the next, kneeling down and clearing away the grass and wiping away the grime in order to see the name clearly.
"Why are you spending so much time doing that?" the first man asked.
"I'll tell you," the second man said. "This is a free country with a Constitution and everything. Each one of the people has as much right as the next to cast his vote."
An idiot called the airport for flight information. "How long is your flight from Los Angeles to Denver?” he asked. "Just a minute," the pleasant agent replied. "Thank You" he said and hung up.
A guy walks into Dunkin’ Donuts. He says. “Excuse me; miss … how many cups of coffee do you think this thermos will hold?” The girl says, “I think it’s a seven-cup thermos.” The guy says, “All right …. Give me two black, three cream and sugar.”
A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial. "Jury trial," the defendant replied. "Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge. "Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."
A nursery school driver was delivering a van full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
'They use him to keep crowds back,' said Tommy.
'No,' said Billy, 'he's just for good luck.'
Peter brought the argument to a close. 'They use the dogs, he said firmly, to find the fire hydrants..'
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