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You're supposed to be married when you have children. Children need to grow up in a two parent married household. Call me old fashioned, but that's what I believe.
I'm a single parent and believe me, it is a very hard job and gets harder as the years pass. My son is now 20, and while he does have a relationship with his father (who lives outside of the country and has never provided financial support), I am the primary parent in every sense of the word. Dad is his buddy for lack of a better word.
If you are truly ready for the challenges of single parenthood, I agree with others who recommend the adoption route. There are so many children out there who need a good home, especially those in the foster care system.
I would also recommend that you look at your support system, which in turn will be the support system for your child. Children of single parents need other adults and children in their lives. This helps both you and the child.
Parenting classes are also important if you have not had a lot of experience with children. While I did have a lot of experience with children before I had my son (3 younger siblings, lots of babysitting and friends having children who turned to me for advice) I also read child development books for every age my son hit.
As a single parent, would I recommend it to others by choice? In a word, no. It puts a tremendous amount of pressure on the parent and does not give the child the balance of two parents. This makes the teen years especially hard on both the parent and the child. I don't have someone with the same emotional investment in my child to bounce ideas off of or understand a different perspective. Likewise for my son, he does not have another parent to approach who he thinks may offer a different type of counsel to him.
Speaking (or posting ) as a woman who has been married for twenty-one years since the age of eighteen to the same husband I can personally vouch for the fact that raising four kids WITH him has been infinately easier than it would have been WITHOUT him. Neither of us has been a perfect parent, but we each did and continue to do our best for the two we have raised and for the two still left at home. Our children have definately benefited from the fact that we have stayed together.
If the parents cannot do that then I think that it is vitally important to have BOTH parents actively involved in the childs life. If they cannot see Mom or Dad every day that does not mean that they cannot be involved in other ways. My husband has had chronic health problems for several years and we have been a one income family. In some ways it would be easier for me to just leave and be a single parent , but I would never do that.
I've read the original post probably ten times shaking my head.
You don't want to live with the same woman all of your life? What? Do you think you are going to get bored? She won't be exciting in 10, 20, 30 years? She'll loose her looks? It's too much of a commitment?
You do know that any children you have will be with you FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE?! Believe me, at 18 they don't just drop off the planet. Or mutate into some kind of a higher life form.
If you can't handle having the same woman for the rest of your life what are you going to do with the kids when you get tired of them? Trade them in on a newer model?
Let me get this straight...I say, "This is a selfish idea, kids need a dad AND a mom, and you say this sort of thinking is off base???
I know this country is going to hell in a hand basket at a faster pace than ever before, but kids do in fact do better in life when they have the stability of knowing they are loved and adored by both mom and dad - you simply cannot dispute this fact.
By design (God's) it takes TWO to make a child, and two parents committed to that child and its upbringing to give it the best life possible.
This guy wants a kid of his own. Doesn't want to live with a woman. Either way, his kid will live in a home without it's mom.
Nope, not disputing that fact. Kids also do well when their parents love them in separate homes.
Its still better than growing up in an orphanage or state care being passed around. Making one..yeh I agree it could be an issue in certain areas. But everyone has issues. I don't think the issues that those people I know were much to bat an eye at compared to some issues that two parents can create in a kid.
The s.o.'s father died before he was born. I asked if he feels a missing spot. He says he does not. He did not have a father at all to replace him after the death either.
My husband was raised by one of his older sisters. He can't remember his dad because he never lived with his parents. Plus, his dad died when he was three. Even though he grew up in a very supportive, loving, and family filled environment, he never had that father figure. It did affect him. Father figures are still very hard for him to deal with. He is perfectly fine with mother type figures, such as my mom. However, he does not know how to deal with my dad or other men who are of that age. It truly is sad.
Now, I do believe it is better to be raised by a single parent than in a group home. However, bringing a child into the world when you know you will be a single parent is wrong in my opinion.
Why don't you just adopt then? You don't want to deal with some surrogate that is going to bleed you dry and then try to take the baby back if she changes her mind. Plus there are tons of kids already made that need adopted. You could adopt an older child and skip the whole potty training thing and terrible twos.
This is an EXCELLENT suggestion.
I'll get killed for this, but it's not fair to bring a child in to this world without two committed parents. Enough people do it already and it's part of why our society is going downhill.
There are lots of kids, though, that need ANY parent right now, and a committed single parent would be a really wonderful thing for them. You could fill that role.
I'm old school on this...I think to have a child, you really need to be married first...things happen afterwards sometimes and the family is split but I think going into parenthood, you need both the mother/father..imo, flame away lol
I kind of agree with the person that said that if you do not want to live with one woman your whole life, that you might find it tough to have a kid forever too. Kids are a huge commitment, and if you are raising them alone, especially from day one, you will have a lot of work to do, and not much free time.
Plus, dating lots of women might be tricky with a child in your house. You would really only want to bring home the women that you are serious about, because otherwise your child will get attached to somebody, only to have to get unattached. Since you don't want to get seroius, that means only dating, which means lots of babysitters, or little dating........just thinking outloud.......
If you could just adopt some kids who are already here and need a family, that would be great.
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