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We chose friends. My parents have an idea (I mentioned it a few years ago but we just made it official this week) but they were a bit upset we weren't chosing my brother. I don't really know him, his wife barely speaks English, and he doesn't have a lifestyle or job that would allow him to support kids. He is a good guy but not exactly the role model I envision for my children.
I hope we never have to find out how this will all play out. I was glad my lawyer told me we didn't have to tell our family we were not chosing them. My MIL did send us a newspaper clipping last year explaining that we should define grandparent visitation rights.
Godparents would be who we would want as rolemodels and leaders in our children's lives, so they would be who you should turn to in the event of your demise. However, if your kids don't have godparents, you should choose someone who would take them in as their own, share your vision of their future, and be willing.
My cousin has neighbors who took in two little girls when both parents were killed in a car accident. They were friends of the parents, not family. From what I have heard, they have done an excellent job of raising the girls. The family had a problem at first, but settled into it after a time.
My wife and I started to seriously consider this after our third child was born. We had done everything right as far as having ample life insurance and all that jazz, but we had never really sat down and thought about what would happen if we both died.
We made the decision that the kids would be left to my in-laws. They are currently 50 and 53, so they are younger than my parents who are 65 and 70. We felt they would be the best place for the kids to go. If my in-laws were to have also passed, then the kids would go to my sister and her husband. Their kids are all adults now, but they are young enough to be able to be there for my kids. Outside of that, we really don't know who we would trust/want to raise our kids.
Financially our insurance policies and assets are sufficient to pay off all debts and leave a significant trust for the kids. We structured it so that the caregiver would recieve a monthly stipend to provide for the kids needs. The monthly allownace would continue and be paid to them at 18 and the remaining money would be accessible to them, but would require approval from the caregiver to remove money (for example to pay for college). At 25 any remaining money is entirely theirs.
Godparents can only apply if all children have the same Godparents and both Godparents are married to one another.
Most people I know have Godparents who are married to different people, but I did chose the same married couple to be the Godparents for both of our children.
In the event they couldn't or wouldn't take our children upon our death, we had three alternatives listed in our Will too.
Since many people change their minds or their financial circumstances change, it's important to provide as many ideal alternatives as possible in your will.
We also chose to put different people in charge of the trust than the people who would be raising the children.
We further protected the trust by selecting two family members from different sides of the family---my sister and my husband's brother---as co-trustees.
Co-trustees can only act jointly. One can not do anything without the other.
That way the trust could not be drained unless they conspired, which would have been very unlikely since they didn't like each other.
We set up a trust and have the $ dispersed over time/as needed. The final amt would be given to them at 30--suggested by our lawyer because you would hope at that age they wouldn't blow the $ on a red sports car scenario!
A financially sound friend of mine will oversee the $$. She is fairly frugal so we feel she would be a good watchdog!
No one wants to think of these things (like making a will) but they need to be done. Just make sure the person you want to take your children is OK with it. I had a friend name me the (potential) guardian of her 14 year old son when I was in my early 20's. She didn't ask me ahead of time how I felt about it, she just went to the lawyer and assumed I'd be OK with it. I was shocked because that kid was a handfull. (I use to urge her to take her vitamins Lol.) If something had happened to her I'd have taken him in but no way could I have handled him when I was that young and still trying to get my own adult life in gear.
I think she picked me because we shared religious values, had been friends forever and she knew I was very responsible. I think it is very important to make sure that the people you choose share your values and beliefs. That was a #1 priority for me when I had to make those decisions.
We never had a will or actually specified, bad I know, but it was a just a given that it would be my parents since they were closer to the kids than anyone else and had the ability. My brother is a single guy who had no patience for children, my inlaws were not in the best of health, our friends all their own problems. Fortunately they are adults now.
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