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A little background info. My wife and I have a 2-1/2 year old daughter. The child in topic is our 6 year old niece, her sister's daughter.
Over the past year, this child has gone through:
her parents divorce
move from a large house to a small 2 bedroom apartment
start kindergarten
move from apartment to upstairs apartment in grandparents' (my in-laws) house.
change schools with about 2-3 months left in school year
Since the divorce she lives primarily with her mother, my SIL. However, SIL is more concerened with her own life, going out, partying, etc. Naturally our niece spends most of her time with Grandma, the live in babysitter. My wife has told me its at the point where her father has said if it werent for the child, my SIL would be out on her *****.
For some reason this really started bothering me this past weekend. After our niece went to Disney with Grandma for a week, she spent a few days with her father. She came home only to find her mother went away for July 4th weekend. From what I hear the following week her mother is out every night. Why not when you have a live in babysitter? My wife called her parents about 10:00 Saturday night, and her father tells her that our niece is hiding under the bed, crying because she wants her mother (who of course is out partying).
So Sunday was a family BBQ at my in-laws. It seems the only time my SIL spent with my niece (before she left to go to a wedding) was telling her to eat. Her father spent most of the day watching the World Cup. Sadly, I probably spent more time with her than her parents did combined.
One conversation:
Daughter to Father: Do you have your bathing suit?
Father: Yes.
Daughter: Then come in the pool!
Father: No, not now.
Sorry for the long rant, but my wife and I are concerned how all this will effect this child.
Unfortunately it will affect this child. Divorce is bad enough for a child to go through without also having BOTH parent's neglect her emotionally.
For now, I would just offer as much support for the little girl as possible.
Perhaps call your wife's mother and offer to take her for a few days a week so she can see what the real makings of a family life should be. It will also allow her time with adults and help your relationship to grow with your niece.
However, if things get much worse to where they are completely neglecting every need this could be a matter that could be resolved in court.
For now, I would just offer as much support for the little girl as possible.
Perhaps call your wife's mother and offer to take her for a few days a week so she can see what the real makings of a family life should be. It will also allow her time with adults and help your relationship to grow with your niece.
I actually did suggest to my wife he other day inviting my niece to spend a weekend with us. I think she would enjoy it. She absolutely adores her cousin.
This is sad, but you and your family can limit the negative effects her parents have inflicted on this little girl.
As the PP has suggested, take up the slack and give this child the stability she deserves. You aren't going to force either of the parents to step up. They need to come to the realization on their own. All you and the others can do is limit the effect such selfishness is having on the child.
Children are incredibly resilient. They can overcome almost anything. As long as there is someone in their lives that they can hold on to, that they can think about when they need to know that someone loves them and cares about them, and values them for who they are, and fosters their dignity. That might have to be you. Just a little of that is all it takes.
Just the fact that you took the time to post your concerns tells me you have a big heart. Especially where this child is concerned. (YOU could be out partying yourself.)
I hope you are able to spend as much time as possible with her. Every child needs someone to be there for her. Someone whose face lights up when they walk in the room. Someone who will say, "No." when it needs to be said. Someone who has hugs enough to go around to a little girl who needs them. Even if it's not a 24/7 arrangement, the time your neice spends with you could make an enormous difference in how she turns out.
I hope you feel guided to be the person who is going to make a difference in this little girl's life because right now she is in a train wreck. Bless you for caring!
She would make a great big sister. Have you considered documenting everything, going to court and getting custody of her while she's still young and the ill affects haven't made her a monster? Little girls and little boys need to know they belong to someone and belong somewhere. Seriously give it some thought.
Like I said to my wife, I guess I'm going soft. I'm sure being a Dad of a 2-1/2 year old myself has a lot to do with it.
I know there's really nothing I can do to change her parents. I wasnt trying to paint a picture of them has horrible people. Fortunately she does have her grandmother there for her. What's really sad is that all this girl wants is her parents. Her aunt, her uncle, her cousin, not even her grandma can take their place.
I said to my wife once about a year ago, "When is your sister going to realize she has a child?"
Last edited by MikefromNY; 07-13-2010 at 12:10 PM..
She would make a great big sister. Have you considered documenting everything, going to court and getting custody of her while she's still young and the ill affects haven't made her a monster? Little girls and little boys need to know they belong to someone and belong somewhere. Seriously give it some thought.
I think that's a little extreme. It's not like there's any kind of physical abuse or neglect. If anything I think it would make her feel even more that her parents don't want her.
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