News, When Good Parents Have Bad Children. (teens, toddler, play)
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Parents often get blamed when their children go astray — whether it’s an ill-behaved toddler or an adult rehashing a troubled childhood during a therapy session.
But should good parents be blamed when kids go bad? That’s the question posed by Dr. Richard Friedman in today’s Science Times.
Interesting article and comments. Society looks for easy explanations and easy, simplistic fixes. And experts tend to be very clinical, quickly concluding that a child's bad behavior is a product of something in the home environment, including parenting. If you as a parent try to explain differently, many experts rebuff you because, after all, they are the "experts."
Even experts can stand to grow and to learn from others. But if one can't come to the quick, easy solution, then one must work harder and delve into the unknown. And possibly never reach a valid conclusion.
I don't think many people are hard-wired to do that kind of delving.
You do the best you can on raising your kids, you teach them right from wrong but there is always that element of having their own way of thinking and making their own choices. I have told many just this "the first 18 years of your life, the parent is responsiable, the years after that, YOU are responsiable!".
I also use to tell mine I taught them right from wrong and did the best I could to instill in them how to make the RIGHT choice when the time came for them to make a choice. It was how they used what I taught them that would effect the rest of their life once they were adults. Once a adult, the blame/credit all fell on them for their choices.
We are going through this right now. My husband and I raised our children with values, morals, and lived by the "golden rule". We practiced what we preached. However, we have had 2 of our kids stray down a path so opposite of the way they were raised. Our 16 year old son is going to be the death of me. We have spoken to the police and have had to call them, but have been encouraged by the PD and friends that we can do all the right things, but once the kids walk out the door, they make a choice. I can't say it makes me as a mother feel any better, but I know we did all we could and just pray they turn their lives around.
My husband and I raised our children with values, morals, and lived by the "golden rule". We practiced what we preached. However, we have had 2 of our kids stray down a path so opposite of the way they were raised.
Children either embrace or reject their parents values. For example, children of racists will either grow up to be racists or completely oppose racism. The same applies to being raised by religious parents. I'll bet that parental influence probably prevails statistically, but some children are wired to think for themselves and buck the system. There's nothing you can do to prevent a rebel personality. But your children who are going to be the death of you could end up being your most successful children as adults. Hang in there!
I was a terror. My parents had no control over me. They did the best they could and they were loving, caring parents. They were involved in everything in my life from school, friends, sports etc. They always tried to keep a leash on me but the point is sometimes a kid is just going to do what they want no matter how good the parents "parenting skills" are.
By age 15 I had set a teachers car on fire, gotten into multiple fights, done every drug known to man, sold drugs, had multiple sexual partners, been arrested atleast half a dozen times, trashed the high school and done other things which i will never admit too.
I dont know what i was rebelling against or why i was so angry but luckily for me i finally turned myself around before it was too late.
Define "good parenting". What you believe is ideal for a teen to be growing up with, may not be what they want or view as quality parenting. You all know the saying... the grass is greener... In my experience, most teens think everyone else has it better and may rebel because they see themselves on the short end of the stick constantly (even though, we as parents, know that's not the case). I really think it's just a roll of the dice sometimes...
I think Good Parents and Bad Children is arbitrary. And I want to know who decides.
Kids aren't "bad". Some are hardcases. Some want to play in the street and nothing will change that. It is only when they dig themselves a hole that takes too much time to get out of that they get it. I've seen parents manipulate the system. Surface wise it looks like a "good parent" but they are really are out there.
Adam and Eve talked to God. Adam was the first prophet. Yet they had a son who committed murder.
Were they bad parents?
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