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I've worked retail and I've waited tables, it doesn't take much to be polite and courteous; but many folks just have a bee in their bonnet about what *they* consider polite and courteous and you can never get it perfectly right for every single person every single time unless you're a telepath.
Now that I'm on the other side of the table and counter, I am always polite and courteous to my clerks and servers... no matter whether they are slow or grumpy or inept. Because it is a doenright sucky and thankless job most of the time and 13 other people have probably been total jerks to them already today because most people forget to be polite and courteous to the staff. Patrons aren't the only ones who deserve common decency and civility.
I'm so keyed to not be a jerk that I will put up with the most painful customer support calls ever! I know it's not usually their fault that their company's policies are stupid, or that they don't speak English well because the company chose to save some money by outsourcing their service department to another country. Yes, I might be stabbing my eyes out with a fork on the other end of the phone, but I almost never flame out on anyone. I rely on my husband to be a jerk when it's necessary, the best I can usually muster is firm
But the one social politeness that you will never, ever get me to obey is to look at someone in the eye when I meet them or talk to them. Sorry, autistic, deal with it. I look toward someone, maybe focus on their nose or their ear... fake that I'm making eye contact, or do it extremly briefly, when I first meet them, but after that, I just make sure I'm angled towar someone enough that they can hear me properly and can be reasonably assured that I'm talking to them and not someone across the room. Eye contact is B-A-D and being forced to "look at me when I'm/you're talking to you/me" has resulted in more overstims, meltdowns and panic attacks than I can count. If my not looking at you when i talk to you makes you think I'm untrustworthy or am lying or am disrespectul or whatever, that is your problem... because if I have to make eye contact with you I am going to freak right the hell out!
I'm like that too but I am not autistic.
Eye contact is a no-no for me as well.
I do it briefly at first and when I talk I don't hold eye contact.
I am shy and it makes me nervous.
It used to **** people off when I was younger, I wouldn't look at them when I talked.
Even now I can't stare someone in the eyes when I talk to them.
I am trying very hard to teach my children, currently my 13 yr old daughter, social ettiquette. I feel like I am fighting the world though. This is comical to me in the sense that my young 7 yr old son is constantly in an imaginary battle with the world. You can see him fighting to save the universe at any point in time- whish, shoosh, oosh...lol.
Back to topic, phone calls don't start until 9am and end by 9pm. If that phone rings after 10pm, someone better be in the hospital or have other urgent news. Greeting someone with a polite smile and shake of the hand and look them in the eye. Please, thank- yous, excuse me, holding the door, etc.
I feel like everywhere we go, my daughter has more bad role models than good ones.
So far, she is doing a good job understanding where I am coming from and isn't throwing me a bunch of rolling eyes.
I also battle the adults who are sick of tweens/teenagers and thier behaviors. But then again, those adults are modeling behaviors for those around them.
ugh...ugh....ugh
Since I am blissfully childfree, I can only answer this from the point of view of having once been a child and the behavior of people who I know that have children.
They start when they are very, very small. Despite my personal feelings about children in general, there is just nothing cuter or sweeter than having a 14 month old kid say "tank you vewy much" when you give them something (without being prodded by the attendant parent).
I have a dear friend who has seven (or maybe eight) children who are the very PICTURE of politeness! Of course, they know that their parents would be deeply disappointed if they were not, and that is important to them because they value what their parents think far more than what their peers think. Therefore they strive at all times to please their parents and make them proud. These parents have been teaching their children since day "ONE" how to be nice people rather than rude little monsters.
So my advice would be to start when they are babies - oops! too late! Well, I suppose you could teach them that the family is more important than their friends - oops again!
I guess you will just have to threaten them with taking away their useless electronic equipment if they don't toe the line.
One of the big problems with social etiquette is that it really does depend a lot on the culture you're in or dealing with.
I love most Asians - eye contact is normally considered extremely rude in their culture
In Japan, and other social-status driven countries, shaking someone's hand when you meet them is a big no-no becomes it assumes that you are on the same social level as they are and have earned or deserve this amount of equality/familiarity. If you are below them, it's offensive to them. If you're above them, it forces them to do something they consider offensive.
In Spain, it's impolite to eat without a knife and fork... even things like apples and fried chicken that are normally freely eaten with the hands here in the US.
In India, it's impolite to eat with your left hand, and many foods are eaten with the hands not flatware.
In France and Germany, a good belch after dinner is a compliment to the chef
In Mexico, it is polite to allow your guest to sit and eat first... but here and in most European countries, it's the other way around.
In dense cities, it's creepy an considered a violation of personal space to smile, wave and say hi to random people when you pass them; but in the country it's considered rude not to.
I work in retail, we are suppose to thank the customer, invite them back and tell them to have a nice day. Do I say that mouthful? Not usually.
It is actually REALLY HARD to ring up the customer, say the things you are trained to say, bag everything, run through the next set of things you have to say and all while you have one person standing in front of you waiting for you to now ring them up.
Usually I say thanks and have a nice day.
It would be impossible for me to tell every customer, thank you come back again and have a nice day after EVERY transaction because by the time you get to that point you are handing them their stuff and they are walking off before you can finish talking and you have the next person in line staring at you waiting for you to acknowledge them and then you have a manager breathing down your neck to ring the people up even faster...
All I am saying is people expect us to say this laundry list of things to customers but then want us to be quick to ring them up as well but one or the other, pick one and be happy with it.
Total baloney. You act as if you're the only person to ever work retail in the entire room. I did my stint in fast food and a bookstore. I waited tables. To sit here and tell me that a Bed, Bath, and Beyond is some kind of anomaly in the courtesy universe is simply unbelievable.
Let's say you become a cop. (You still hope for that, right?)
Haw the heck are you going to do your job without looking people in the eyes? You are going to need the Death Stare.
this would be an example of an inappropriate career choice
Let people who have no problem making eye contact and aggressively staring people down, an are good at it, become cops. There are plenty of other careers, even in the police field, to chose from where such forceful eye contact is not a necessity
I see the breakdown more as a sense of entitlement. Perfect example: I've noticed lately when I go to a restaurant where tips are accepted, the server will actually ask me if I want the change, when I pay the bill.
This is even if I'm putting a $20 bill down for a $15 meal. Do they really expect me to say "no" and give them $5 tip on a $15 meal? What kind of presumptuousness is it that they'd even have the nerve to ask? You don't ASK for a tip. You can put a sign on the front door saying "tips welcome" or even a pre-printed blurb on the guest check saying "thank you for your gratuity!" but verbally confronting someone who hasn't paid you yet with the expectation that they will give you money? That's just - rude. Uncouth. Classless.
.
I've been a server and thought I'd add my experience. Usually whenever I asked if someone wanted change back it had nothing to do with the expectation of a tip. It was more to find out if I needed to go get their change back quickly or if they weren't getting change back then I could take it to the register later and tend to other tables. Here, I thought I was being polite by finding out if they were in a hurry to leave or waiting for change. I could hardly keep track of 6-7 tables check totals to know how much would be left after that particular check and usually the cash or credit card was in a closed cover with only a bit sticking out so I'd know they were ready to pay.
If I didn't want my change, I'd say "keep the change" or I'd simply get up and leave, and not give the server the opportunity to get change at all. The assumption should be: the bill cost $X. The patron gave you $Y. You give change..UNLESS you are told otherwise.
The only time I would expect a server to even mention it is if they want to know if I want singles.
The way MY store is set up is they leave me up front while everyone else works the floor. I answer the phone first and direct the calls. I ring people up, do exchanges, returns, bridal wrapping, I print up registry's for people shopping for the bride and groom.
I am also the closing cashier, I am responsible for zoning the seasonal room and front end, vacuuming and sweeping, closing down all the registers at the end of the night with my manager.
So please don't tell me what I NOT doing when I stand at CS day after day after day doing JUST what you said I don't do.
Spare me.
Counting yesterday, I am working 7 days straight, doing everything you just said I don't do.
But like I said, have you ever even worked in a bed, bath and beyond or do you just shop there, therefore you know it all????
I find it so hilarious that, no matter WHAT you're doing, you have a problem with it. Working at BB&B isn't rocket science. It's retail. Plain and simple. If you can't handle multi-tasking in such a simple environment, I don't see how you're going to make it in ANY career, no less being a cop.
Wow... you're working 6 hour shifts for 7 days straight. AND?????? You have to "stand for your whole shift". AND????? You chose to work in retail. Did you think they were going to give you a lounge chair and a mai tai? You have to do more than one thing at a time. AND??????? Pretty much anyone who works is juggling several things at once and can do their job fully and completely.
Oh, and by the way, I worked in a BB&B a few years back as seasonal/holiday help. It wasn't all that difficult. They asked me to stay on permanent/full time, but I already had a full time job and was just supplementing my income with BB&B.
Social ettiquette also includes not belittling one another online and trying to prove other people wrong- they have never walked in anyone else's shoes but their own. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions- they come from personal experiences.
Why should any child think they deserve or need a cell phone anyhow? Everyone has them- yes. Just that much more reason for my children not to have them- they can always borrow a phone to call home- hey just like I used to have when I went somewhere. Call and check in occasionally! What a concept huh? I am also being told that we are wierd because we have set family days. No friends or other activities on our family days.
And whats with getting "stuff" randomly- besides birthday and xmas? I can't believe the number of toys and how often children get something special almost weekly? Our kids get 1 present from Santa (can only put 1 toy per kid in the world in his bag) and then about 4 other gifts from us. Society makes us look we aren't really giving our kids a Christmas! Seriously!!! Our kids have a blast because it is the only time they get so many things! Our birthday parties have always been homemade cakes with family and a couple friends and games at home- not this big $ birthdays at Chuckies or stuff.
I just don't believe you have to spend big money to teach your kiddos values and teaching them social ettiquette should be a high priority...and not the teachers job but definitely modeled by a teacher and other adults.
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