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hello folks....parents.. So my problem with my 16 year old is starting to come to ahead. Since he entered puberty he has pretty much been the same.. rude, short, grumpy, and selfish!
Now the selfish part I get.. and the rudeness I guess is some form of rebellion. But its trying to contain it that I am struggeling with..
heres the situation. He lives with me half time and with his mother half time.. we have been doing this since he was 3, we both have stable homes and are remarried with children (he has many brothers and Sisters) and we live close by. We communicate well even still today so as I think we are on the same page as much as anyone could be in the same situation. And we as an entire family have gone through counseling with him when he was little and it was determined he was a normal and adjustd child.
Now, his personality is he isn't much of a studen but gets it stuff done! Have no real behavior issues outside of home.. teachers, coaches, friends ect think he is a good kid..
So really the issue is his attitude with us! He cant give more then a one word answer, rolls his eyes, grunts, and shakes his head everytime we try to talk to him..
I am very frustrated! it is totally uncalled for.. He has a cell phone he is on texting ALL hours of the day, on his IPOD internet device all day, and other then that when he's not out involved in sports (busy busy) he's in front of the tube playing vedio games...
So what can I do? I take away the phone and the ipod and the games.. Grounding him?? he's too busy this time of year and maybe gets one night out with friends..
Right now the whole license/driving thing is coming up and of course we got that to hang over his head but jesus.. Short of locking him up which I dont think is productive what else can we do?
I know most of you will say this is normal behavior.. maybe soo but it shouldnt be acceptable! Like I said we all get along but for the sake of THIS conversation me and my wife are WAY more invloved.. we support ALL of his endeavors.. we pay for the phone, ipod ect ect. we drive him everywhere we pretty much are the ones responsible for him when it comes to everything... I can see where he feels we are overbearing but really.. we give him plenty of space and to be hones... most of the time we are on eggshells kissing his behind tryiing to get a smile out of him... which is why this attitude thing hurts us.. and for me makes me angry!!
Did you ever think he may just be tired? Try talking to him about the effect of short sleep on mood, and encourage him to get more shut-eye. If something is standing in the way of good sleep, help him fix it.
This thread is two years old so he's an adult now. Yet, I disagreed with some of the answers saying to ground him. If a teenager is doing well in school, excelling, not getting in any trouble, why are some of you parents wanting to ground him? I don't see any disrespect on his part at all. If you know he's blunt and doesn't like saying much, Leave him alone.
If a teen is rude and sarcastic, that comes from allowing this from age 5. Nip it in the bud, or you have an overgrown weed, that grows into a huge tree, and you wonder where it came from...and how to get rid of it...Brat attitudes don't just start. It is called "parenting", and stopping disrespectful behavior at a young age, is how you don't have a disrespectful teen.
Sure, teens can be mouthy, but there is a big difference between one that respects his Mom, and one that does not.
Mom-"Please go clean your room"
Son-"Whatever", but he gets off the sofa, and goes to his room, and starts messing around in there.
Mom-"Please go clean your room"
Son-"Whatever", and he continues to watch tv.
My sons are on the top, they said, "Whatever", but...they got off the sofa, and went and did their stuff. Sure, it was a bit rude, but I choose to disregard it...at least they went and did what they were told. Why? Because, they know, that messing with Mama, just ain't worth it. And that, starts at age 2. Not 12.
Theory: I think kids don't get enough sleep...hyperconnected and no stress release...school sports rush rush rush...everyone needs down time. Find something relaxing for everyone that can be done individually and at times as a group..like going to the beach. I also think we do too much for them. I am guilty and have the same child you describe. New comtemptuous rudeness..and it is oh so irritating. He is less like this after a nap and shower. I think he needs to unwind/slow down the pace. I am going to try some minor changes in routine to see if it works. Good luck...they go through it at two, ten, teens, twenties, and then they start their own families..I think it should be called the independence games..parents you're up next
Just wanted to welcome you to CD. The OP to this thread posted 2 yrs ago. You offered some nice suggestions. Hopefully he's learned some respect in the past couple of years.
In the title of the thread the OP said he was rude and sarcastic. You don't think that's disrespectful towards parents?
Yes, but then I read the entire point the OP was making. Where is the disrespect?
When will parents learn that teenagers just want to be left alone? They are like little old people, some of them just want to say Hi and Bye and nothing else. To continue to talk to someone who doesn't like to be bothered is a waste of both our time, unless their is some type of depression going on.
I'm not going to punish a child who just wants to be left alone.
When will parents learn that teenagers just want to be left alone?
When will teenagers learn that their every rude remark, sarcastic jibe and general grumpiness doesn't have to be catered to?
Rude Dude wants to be left alone? Excellent. The grocery bill just went down. I see a weekly massage and pedicure coming my way. If Rude Dude can't be civil and interact with the rest of the family and just wants to be left alone he better have Plan B for how he's going to feed himself. Because I am not feeding Rude Dude his three squares a day while he sits alone in his bedroom texting his friends about how awful it is to have to live with his looser family.
When will teenagers learn that their every rude remark, sarcastic jibe and general grumpiness doesn't have to be catered to?
Rude Dude wants to be left alone? Excellent. The grocery bill just went down. I see a weekly massage and pedicure coming my way. If Rude Dude can't be civil and interact with the rest of the family and just wants to be left alone he better have Plan B for how he's going to feed himself. Because I am not feeding Rude Dude his three squares a day while he sits alone in his bedroom texting his friends about how awful it is to have to live with his looser family.
Exactly. While we are all entitled to have a bad day from time to time, part of growing up is learning that the rest of the world doesn't revolve around us and our moods. As parents, it's our responsibility to teach this important lesson to our children. One doesn't have to be constantly cheerful and upbeat, one does have to be civil and respectful of those around him. If one is smart he is especially civil and respectful to those upon whom he depends for the niceties in life.
When will teenagers learn that their every rude remark, sarcastic jibe and general grumpiness doesn't have to be catered to?
Rude Dude wants to be left alone? Excellent. The grocery bill just went down. I see a weekly massage and pedicure coming my way. If Rude Dude can't be civil and interact with the rest of the family and just wants to be left alone he better have Plan B for how he's going to feed himself. Because I am not feeding Rude Dude his three squares a day while he sits alone in his bedroom texting his friends about how awful it is to have to live with his looser family.
Again, I' do not mean that we should not correct our children's rude remarks. Yes, we should. We should teach them that it's not good or acceptable to be rude or he will never move forward in the world. Yes. I agree with that, what I don't agree with is, after he does fiannly stop being rude but still wants to be left alone, then leave him alone. We as parents cannot force our child to speak. To want to be bothered. Alot of teens go through this, I think it's not only pressures of schools and home, but the reality that they are no longer little kids. That's not always an easy pill to swallow. Place yourself in their shoes.
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