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Before this degenerates into bashing parents who choose to work or who otherwise put their kids in daycare, I'll just say read hypocore's post. She has a lot of experience with kids in daycare and asks some good questions.
I'll add: What kind of television does she watch and do they watch TV or videos at the daycare? My daughter would get very wound up from some shows--especially old cartoons like Tom and Jerry. Does she see older kids playfighting? Is she getting enough rest? That's crucial, especially if she's going through a growth spurt.
Rather than punish her, try to figure out what triggers the behavior.
Before this degenerates into bashing parents who choose to work or who otherwise put their kids in daycare, I'll just say read hypocore's post. She has a lot of experience with kids in daycare and asks some good questions.
I'll add: What kind of television does she watch and do they watch TV or videos at the daycare? My daughter would get very wound up from some shows--especially old cartoons like Tom and Jerry. Does she see older kids playfighting? Is she getting enough rest? That's crucial, especially if she's going through a growth spurt.
Rather than punish her, try to figure out what triggers the behavior.
I'm not about to bash working parents, but the OP does not have to have her daughter in daycare fulltime. While hypocore's post was right on, many of us contribute our own experiences to these threads and also have worked/taught preschool age. I don't think any posts s/b overlooked.
I think I am the only one stuck on the part that the child is in daycare so mom can do chores and errands without her. that is the funnest part of my 2 1/2 yr olds day. She loves dusting and sweeping with her little broom. I know it would be easier on me to run to the store without getting dressed, in and out of the car seat, in and out of the buggy and talking non stop about stuff we see at the store but she loves the whole thing so much. I think kids are smarter that we give them credit for. She may know that you only want to spend time with her when it is on your terms. I know kids go to all day long day care because parents work, that's life. But I would try to keep her there only for the hours that she had to be there and see if that helps with her acting out so much.
Does the OP work outside the home or is she doing chores while the child is at preschool? I'm confused...
In any case, taking kids (I have 3 with one on the way) to the market does suck, but it's got to be done...and in the case of chores, all of mine have responsibilities, including a chart and reward system. In fact, my 8 year old is unloading the dishwasher right now (she likes to help!)
In my experience children act out like that (violently) are either being shown the behavior, meaning they've had it done to them OR they are just frustrated and don't know really how to show their frustrations. It's a tough situation, but before it escalates, make sure you find out the cause. Good luck because talking to a 3 year old....yeah, I have one...it's not an easy thing to do.
I think I am the only one stuck on the part that the child is in daycare so mom can do chores and errands without her. that is the funnest part of my 2 1/2 yr olds day. She loves dusting and sweeping with her little broom. I know it would be easier on me to run to the store without getting dressed, in and out of the car seat, in and out of the buggy and talking non stop about stuff we see at the store but she loves the whole thing so much. I think kids are smarter that we give them credit for. She may know that you only want to spend time with her when it is on your terms. I know kids go to all day long day care because parents work, that's life. But I would try to keep her there only for the hours that she had to be there and see if that helps with her acting out so much.
You aren't the only one - I said that way back in the beginning
Your child is hostile because she feels abandoned. Have you ever BEEN in one of those places? They are like concentration camps for little children. My first JOB was being a two year old "teacher" in a preschool and I went home crying my first day and told my mother 'THANK YOU FOR NEVER, EVER PUTTING ME IN ONE OF THOSE PLACES WHEN I WAS A CHILD". I never went back, I could not bear it.
You would be infinitely well advised to change your lifestyle so that you can survive on one income and raise your own child instead of allowing it to be institutionalized in such a horrible, heartless environment. Honestly, go to a DIFFERENT "preschool" and spend a day there. See what it is really like before you defend it up one side and down the other. Unless you have been there yourself, you have no concept WHATSOEVER how horrible it is.
20yrsinBranson
Some daycares are terrible, but that is not the case for all of them. I worked in a YMCA daycare that was NAEYC accredited and there is no way it was a *concentration camp* for little children. Our kids were very happy and had lots to do.
Now, at the youngest ages, there are some children who really need a home daycare or mom to be home, but at 3, most kids love their schools. It *is* possible that the day is too long for him or that this particular classroom is a problem, but don't tar all daycares with the same brush because you had a job in a very bad one.
Help! My kid is giving me grief. Goes to school (pre-pre K) and pretty much every day scratches someone, or hides from teachers, runs away when they are calling. Today, I got a call from the director saying my kid kicked one other kid in the head...just like that for no reason. Thankfully the other kid is fine, just a bit shaken up. They were not fighting regarding a toy or anything.
We sit every day and talk about having listening ears, and how hitting, biting, etc is not nice to other people. I don't know why this behavior. The teachers are strong and experience...but they cannot have 1-on-1 like I do with mine...they have a total of 16 kids in her class, some of which go home early at 2pm.
My pediatrician told me to get ready for the 3s, which in her opinion were worse than the 2s...but I thought it didn't involve this violence.
Any parents with recommendations of how to handle, please post your reply.
What are the teachers doing in this situation. Is your child a young 3? Did he just change rooms? I am assuming that this was not the case last year? Is there more than one teacher in the room?
One teacher with 16 3 year olds is definitely not a good classroom.
Now, if there are two teachers or a teacher and an aide, then the procedure we used at our daycare was as follows.
One teacher would shadow the child who was biting, kicking, scratching, etc. This teacher would prevent the action by getting between the child and the possible victim. The child would then be separated from that activity for a short period, not as a punishment, but as a way of calming down. The teacher would talk to him and also provide a different way of acting - using his voice to ask for the toy, for example. Usually after about 2 weeks of this, the child would have learned the new behaviors and could be left a bit more unsupervised.
The shadow should acknowledge the child's anger. *I can see you are very angry about Johnny's having the first turn.* They should also give him a way to let his anger out that does not involve violence. *You can have the first turn tomorrow. Maybe we can play with the other car, right now.* The teachers should be proactive in teaching the whole class about taking turns (not an easy concept for 3 year olds). There should be many duplicate toys so that children can all get to play with their favorites. When there are no duplicates, timers should be used to set turns fairly and children should be taught to ask for turns.
None of this is easy, but teaching three year olds involves a lot of moderating social interactions as the children are all learning.
I, like hypocore am a day care provider from my home and have done so for over thirty years. Three year olds can be very challenging but IMO there is nothing better than a three year old. When I do see a change in behavior it usually is at three years old. They are starting to "get" life and you see the magic in their little eyes. At three you find that they want to be the ones that control things and do not like to be told what to do and what not to do. Suddenly at three they do not want to eat unless it is on their terms and you see them start to rebel. At times they can be frustrating but they are trying to tell you that they are starting to try to control things in their lives and I am guessing that some of this behavior comes out of frustration not being able to tell what they want. Ever try to potty train a three year old?? LOL
20 years in Branson I really think that your statement was very unfair. You worked one day in a day care or preschool and if I recall you do not have any children so how can you comment without having any experience. It is sad how you attack others when you have no idea about others.
To Mom I do not fault you whatsoever for putting your child in a day care setting a couple of days a week. I have kids here for all different reasons. I have them because Mom and Dad work I have one that at two years old is a cancer survivor and he is here for socialization and he loves it here. Please don't judge people for putting their children into day care...everyone has their own reasons.
I have to agree with a poster regarding "listening ears" that is something that is falling on deaf ears.
May I suggest a goal. What I do with parents here is everyone has to be on the same page when it comes to the kids so there are no double standards. We sit and talk (the adults do) and I may say OK this is what is happening how do you handle it and as long as both of us are in agreement it seems to work. If something would not work well here, we compromise as long as we are doing the same thing.
Your three year old is smart so set goals and tell him/her that Mrs. so and so said that you hit, bit or whatever. First you will apologize to the child you hurt . Here it is a requirement as well as a hug and then either do a behavior chart where he/she can be proud of it. If he/she gets enough stars, stickers whatever we will do something special...doesn't have to cost anything and you shouldn't promise to buy a toy. Kids should not be rewarded for good behavior. Do not make it impossible. IE if he/she goes one full week and gets 5 stickers/stars then and only then will they get their something special. If at the end of the week he/she did not EARN it you will start again the following week but make it known why they are not getting their special prize and why. Goals work as well as earning things. If your child loves to go to his/her daycare then you can also tell them that they cannot go this week because he/she is not being nice to others and when he/she is ready to be nice then he/she can go back. Talk to the teachers as to what you are doing.
Does any of this make sense?
I wish you luck they are trying but like I said, three year olds are the best. By four the cute things are not so cute anymore....LOL
Wow, these are some of the most judgmental replies I have ever seen! All daycares are concentration camps, moms who put their kids in daycare don't consider their kids a priority, etc. People are judging the op's education level and economic situation without knowing anything about her.
OP, since the question you asked was about your child's behavior and not whether you should have her in daycare, I'll offer my opinion. 3 is a very difficult age. I remember my son having some issues at that age. His teacher suggested a behavior chart and it worked WONDERS! As soon as he knew that things were being monitored closely and that I'd be getting a report from his teacher on a daily basis, things straightened out. Work out a reward system - my son got to pick a special activity with mom or dad(or both)on the weekend after a good week, as well as small daily incentives.
Sorry for all the negative feedback you're getting, and best of luck to you.
Wow..some of you didn't really read my original post and went on to comment on other people's opinion...nice job! Looks like Hypocore and Crazyworld have better directed questions to the issue in hand.
Crazyworld: all the things you mention we do already. We tell teachers what we do at home and they do it similarly (obviously it's never going to be the same because there are 15 other children for 2 teachers)...but you get the idea.
Hypocore: I will gather my thoughts and reply to your questions later.
Basically, and again to clarify...I do not send my kid to daycare so I can do chores. She does not spend 35hrs+ being in the care of others during the week. I work, so I have to take her someplace safe, where she can interact with other children her age and learn some lessons, art, etc. Her overall behavior is good and excells with most tasks given to the kids. However, she does have an impulse on doing certain things (some of which are age-related, of course). But the behavior I'm asking about is the more aggressive ones, most of the time happens out of the blue and the teachers didn't notice a trigger for behavior (fighting over a toy, etc).
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