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People are gonna get the pitchforks out when you post these kind of statements, no matter how much you backtrack afterward.
I would like to see what really happens in his family lol. Because most of the time people who bluster with what they will do and how people will not like it but will have to deal with it are not as in charge as they would like you to think.
And your daughter will just ignore you and do it anyway with your wifes blessing . That's nice too that you are teaching her that she is worth less then a man, what a nice father you are. I am sure you are her will have a very close relationship as well when she leaves. All you will do with that attitude of "fairness is what i say it is, and my son can stay out as late as he can but my daughter can't" is create an environment where she will do exactly what you don't want and have little respect for you. Like i told txtqueen i can't wait till you unveil this gem to your wife and daughter and they both laugh in your face.
Ok. Now that the crowd has quieted down from their applause I will say this. Going against me on this subject is not an option. I have had this discussion with my wife on this matter already, and I have told her the only other option is GPS tracking installed on all of her electronic devices (including the car) without either her or my daughter's knowledge. I told her upfront what I intended to do if I felt she was not safe. My wife is an R.N. so her field of expertise is health and health care. I don't question her (unless I have concerns which we talk about), but I usually defer to her because she has the most knowledge about this. I have 22 years in Law Enforcement and yes I know a thing or two about personal safety, and crime in general. Crime can be random as well as pattern based. There are too many factors to deal with, so the "emotional touchy feelings" crap that inhibits common sense is NOT something I care to deal with here. It just boils down to this is what I do for a living so listen to me on this subject. Sometimes things have to be done this way for the greater good. The decisions may be unpopular, but they are done for safety sake.
Ok. Now that the crowd has quieted down from their applause I will say this. Going against me on this subject is not an option. I have had this discussion with my wife on this matter already, and I have told her the only other option is GPS tracking installed on all of her electronic devices (including the car) without either her or my daughter's knowledge. I told her upfront what I intended to do if I felt she was not safe. My wife is an R.N. so her field of expertise is health and health care. I don't question her (unless I have concerns which we talk about), but I usually defer to her because she has the most knowledge about this. I have 22 years in Law Enforcement and yes I know a thing or two about personal safety, and crime in general. Crime can be random as well as pattern based. There are too many factors to deal with, so the "emotional touchy feelings" crap that inhibits common sense is NOT something I care to deal with here. It just boils down to this is what I do for a living so listen to me on this subject. Sometimes things have to be done this way for the greater good. The decisions may be unpopular, but they are done for safety sake.
It really doesn't matter what YOU think...it matters what she is going to allow as well. And like i said your daughter is going to do what she wants regardless of what you think with your wifes blessing. You can bluster all you want to her now, but wait in 2 years when your daughter asks your wife for permission to go out on a date and she lets her do just that. Even if in some crazy universe your wife actually agrees with you....do you really think your daughter will even listen to you? She will do everything in her power then to do the opposite of what you want her to do to just pi ss you off. You are not as in control as you seem to think you will be. And any cop will tell you that random acts of violence are more likely to be male on male by a large disproportion then male on female, the same fact goes for rapes in which only 20 percent are commited by a random stranger, and most often they happen within a house or another comfort zone for both parties. So i wonder if you really have a background in law enforcement as you say?.
It really doesn't matter what YOU think...it matters what she is going to allow as well. And like i said your daughter is going to do what she wants regardless of what you think with your wifes blessing. You can bluster all you want to her now, but wait in 2 years when your daughter asks your wife for permission to go out on a date and she lets her do just that. Even if in some crazy universe your wife actually agrees with you....do you really think your daughter will even listen to you? She will do everything in her power then to do the opposite of what you want her to do to just pi ss you off. You are not as in control as you seem to think you will be. And any cop will tell you that random acts of violence are more likely to be male on male by a large disproportion then male on female, the same fact goes for rapes in which only 20 percent are commited by a random stranger, and most often they happen within a house or another comfort zone for both parties. So i wonder if you really have a background in law enforcement as you say?.
So because I have a different opinion on the subject you now attack the validity of my job? Ok. You seem to also think that a parent who is strict on their child (even after they have had this discussion in private WITH their spouse, so the spouse is well aware of their feelings on the subject and even though they may not fully agree are on the same page) would just disobey that parent and let the child do whatever they want to. That is clearly disrespectful to the other parent. But I guess its ok because there is some major human rights violation taking place here. Go child escape your oppressor. Look I get once again that you don't agree with the double standard. That's fine and dandy, but in my house there are two parents who sometimes put rules and standards in place for the children to follow. Most of the rules are with the modern times, but in this case the ruling falls back to an older mindset that states girls (teenage girls between 15-18) should NOT be out at night by themselves. I also admit to letting my son go out at night (with a generous curfew on non-school nights) when he was that age, and he was more than responsible. Never home late and never got a girl pregnant, nor was he ever in trouble with the Police. If that makes me a bad parent, who (in your opinion) knows nothing about the job he has held (or according to you claims to) have held for the past 22 years then so be it. Whatever.
At the end of the day it teaches boys that they can get a girl pregnant and it's ok to walk away. And it teaches girls that it's ok for the boy to walk away.
So true. Even if the teaching is unintentional, that's what it says.
Quote:
Originally Posted by NJGOAT
The first thing that comes to mind is a party. Let's say there is a large party happening somewhere and one of my kids wants to go. I know there will most likely to be little or no adult supervision and there is a good chance that alcohol and drugs may be present. If I 100% trust my child that they won't be partaking in anything illegal, but they really want to go to the party, I would be more apt to agree to let my son go versus my daughter. I know many people would just flat out not allow their kid to go, but that's not me.
My reasoning behind this is the risk of being drugged, attacked or raped is FAR higher for a girl than it is a boy. I feel that my son is at less of a risk in this environment than my daughter would be. I would feel better about letting my daughter go if it was her and a group of her friends or if she was going with her boyfriend and I probably wouldn't let her go by herself, but I would let my son go by himself.
It may be "old school" or backward thinking, but it makes sense to me.
You'd be better off forbidding either to go to such a party. The police will not discriminate male v female when they show up to raid the party, and they could both end up spending a night in jail. As far as trust, it goes so far. Teens are still kids, and they will experiment. I'm not exaggerating. I know kids who this has happened to.
Quote:
Originally Posted by nimchimpsky
When I lived with my parents, they had zero rules. No curfew, nothing. I never tested any boundaries, never drank or did anything unsafe or got myself into any sticky situations.
Well, you are a rare case, I think. I did some "sketch" things in my youth (less than many kids did, but still), and I know my kids have done so.
Quote:
Originally Posted by psr13
Like it or not, the world is just more dangerous for a woman than for a man. I know people like to pretend this isn't true, but it is. A woman walking down the street is a much bigger target than a man is. As a woman who lives in reality, I know that this is true. Maybe it's a regional thing, I don't know. However, everywhere I have lived it is known that a woman or a group of women out at night is a bad thing. Just adding one or two guys into the group greatly lessens the risk.
Maybe on a personal safety issue, b/c of rape, yes. But as many have posted, that's not a 100% assured thing, either.
Quote:
My wife is an R.N. so her field of expertise is health and health care. I don't question her (unless I have concerns which we talk about), but I usually defer to her because she has the most knowledge about this
That is a hilarious statement. You don't question her, except when you do.
Last edited by Katarina Witt; 11-12-2010 at 09:35 AM..
Reason: Couldn't fix quote any other way; add comment to it.
So because I have a different opinion on the subject you now attack the validity of my job? Ok. You seem to also think that a parent who is strict on their child (even after they have had this discussion in private WITH their spouse, so the spouse is well aware of their feelings on the subject and even though they may not fully agree are on the same page) would just disobey that parent and let the child do whatever they want to. That is clearly disrespectful to the other parent. But I guess its ok because there is some major human rights violation taking place here. Go child escape your oppressor. Look I get once again that you don't agree with the double standard. That's fine and dandy, but in my house there are two parents who sometimes put rules and standards in place for the children to follow. Most of the rules are with the modern times, but in this case the ruling falls back to an older mindset that states girls (teenage girls between 15-18) should NOT be out at night by themselves. I also admit to letting my son go out at night (with a generous curfew on non-school nights) when he was that age, and he was more than responsible. Never home late and never got a girl pregnant, nor was he ever in trouble with the Police. If that makes me a bad parent, who (in your opinion) knows nothing about the job he has held (or according to you claims to) have held for the past 22 years then so be it. Whatever.
You have already said your wife along with your daughter will both cry foul when you unveil this idea of yours to them so how could she be on the same page then....a little backtracking now have we ? And i agree you need standards for your children, but you cant have any expectation that you will have clear double standards for your children and your daughter will actually listen to you with any level of respect now can you? And if you think she won't do exactly as you don't want her to do with or without your wifes okay then you are sadly mistaken.I question the validity of your job because you seem to think a lot of opposite things that any police officer on the beat would know. Like i said before, i can't wait for you to post about your daughter 3 years from now, it will be a hoot i'm sure.
So because I have a different opinion on the subject you now attack the validity of my job? Ok. You seem to also think that a parent who is strict on their child (even after they have had this discussion in private WITH their spouse, so the spouse is well aware of their feelings on the subject and even though they may not fully agree are on the same page) would just disobey that parent and let the child do whatever they want to. That is clearly disrespectful to the other parent. But I guess its ok because there is some major human rights violation taking place here. Go child escape your oppressor. Look I get once again that you don't agree with the double standard. That's fine and dandy, but in my house there are two parents who sometimes put rules and standards in place for the children to follow. Most of the rules are with the modern times, but in this case the ruling falls back to an older mindset that states girls (teenage girls between 15-18) should NOT be out at night by themselves. I also admit to letting my son go out at night (with a generous curfew on non-school nights) when he was that age, and he was more than responsible. Never home late and never got a girl pregnant, nor was he ever in trouble with the Police. If that makes me a bad parent, who (in your opinion) knows nothing about the job he has held (or according to you claims to) have held for the past 22 years then so be it. Whatever.
She seems to live in a world where all children disobey their parents. She just naturally assumes that there are not kids out there who actually do follow rules and their parents wishes.
You have already said your wife along with your daughter will both cry foul when you unveil this idea of yours to them so how could she be on the same page then....a little backtracking now have we ? And i agree you need standards for your children, but you cant have any expectation that you will have clear double standards for your children and your daughter will actually listen to you with any level of respect now can you? And if you think she won't do exactly as you don't want her to do with or without your wifes okay then you are sadly mistaken.I question the validity of your job because you seem to think a lot of opposite things that any police officer on the beat would know. Like i said before, i can't wait for you to post about your daughter 3 years from now, it will be a hoot i'm sure.
There is no backtracking at all. My wife and I have had this conversation at least twice now and she knows how I feel about the subject. Therefore for her to state to my daughter that its ok for her to go out and come back as late as she wants to WOULD be going against something we have already had at least two conversations about. She does disagree, but one again since I seem to be the only one who graduated from the Police Academy I usually make the call about personal safety just as she gives us the flu shot. As far as what every cop knows while I am fully aware of what every cop knows (and in spite of what the numbers are Nationally NYC is a different animal all together). I live in the suburbs, but I know my child likes to hang out in the city because I have taken her and her friends on many little shopping trips, or plays in the city. Would it ever occur to you that I don't put my faith in just numbers, but on actual real world experience (i.e. years spent on patrol dealing with people at all hours of the day) now of course you can put your eggs into that wonderful basket known as statics, but I choose NOT to. I have seen what is out there and yes I have an old fashioned approach, but its the one both my wife and I have talked about. So yes as far as I'm concerned the sky is falling. Now as far as that warning of her doing what she wants to anyway. I guess she could, but the consequence for doing so will be hers to bear. Bet on the likelihood that I will find out, and there will be hell to pay.
Does it never occur to anyone that their sons might be the ones other people's daughters 'need' protection from? Plenty of boys-next-door are rapists when there is enough peer pressure, alcohol, or testosterone around.
It isn't just about teaching kids to protect themselves from others ... it is about educating everyone not to be the predator, either.
She seems to live in a world where all children disobey their parents. She just naturally assumes that there are not kids out there who actually do follow rules and their parents wishes.
No but even you have to admit that any parent who has clear double standards for their children based on a "it's because i said so attitude" is going to just create the situation they are trying to avoid. You are not going to be able to do that and have your kids have much respect for you. You do want your children to be safe, but you can allow one child to do anything he wants due to his gender and the other to be locked up and have any expectation that you won't be having problems. While i don't agree with your style of parenting, you treated your kids equally from what i can see. And just go back and look at some of this dudes posts. In almost everyone he is either talking about how in an argument he made some grand point his wife could not answer,talking down on women, or making sweeping statements on how things will always be as HE says in his house no if ands or buts. He will tell you he usually defers to his wife on medical but then say unless he has questions about it.
Last edited by paganmama80; 11-12-2010 at 09:37 AM..
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. That's nice too that you are teaching her that she is worth less then a man, what a nice father you are. I am sure you are her will have a very close relationship as well when she leaves. All you will do with that attitude of "fairness is what i say it is, and my son can stay out as late as he can but my daughter can't" is create an environment where she will do exactly what you don't want and have little respect for you. Like i told txtqueen i can't wait till you unveil this gem to your wife and daughter and they both laugh in your face.
? And i agree you need standards for your children, but you cant have any expectation that you will have clear double standards for your children and your daughter will actually listen to you with any level of respect now can you? And if you think she won't do exactly as you don't want her to do with or without your wifes okay then you are sadly mistaken.I question the validity of your job because you seem to think a lot of opposite things that any police officer on the beat would know. Like i said before, i can't wait for you to post about your daughter 3 years from now, it will be a hoot i'm sure.
