What do you do when you see your 14 year old kid smoking? (punishments, teenager)
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Sat them down at the kitchen table and made them light up cig by cig untill the pack was empty.
They had to swallow a little (inhale) with the choking and coughing but they did learn a valuable lesson at the time.
Many yrs later their mother died of throat Cancer (smoking a contributer) but even today the boy ( now a grandfather to be) still smokes knowing the possible future chance of having Cancer. They don't learn when it's staring them in the face.
I have not had that problem with my kids, but I did have a problem with them drinking. Later on that...Hmmm, the issue is, where were you, when you saw him? Where was he? Who was he with? That is more important in a way, because he may be with some friends who are older, and not appropriate for him to be with. That would be more of an issue to me.
So, you have a choice, to confront him, and he will get defensive, and ask why you are spying on him...blah blah....
Or, you can not say anything, but start watching who he is hanging out with more carefully, and when he wants to go with the kids he was with when he was smoking, say no. If he wants to know why, tell him you don't like the way he acts around those kids, and then go into the smoking situation.
Or you can talk to him about smoking, and ask him what is going on...but not make it into a big issue. Not confrontational, just a conversation. Tell him you are worried about him. I would not play the heavy in this conversation, because at that age, things can go dysfunctional so fast. No punishments, just talk to him about it. That is my style...you choose your battles. Smoking is something kids do to feel more adult, and to rebel. So, don't make it so bad that then it is even more like forbidden fruit. Because then it makes smoking even more rebellious.
It really depends on what is going on...but I think it is more to do with the kids he hangs with...that seems to be where my kids had problems...
Last edited by jasper12; 11-21-2010 at 01:40 PM..
Reason: edit.
Sat them down at the kitchen table and made them light up cig by cig untill the pack was empty.
They had to swallow a little (inhale) with the choking and coughing but they did learn a valuable lesson at the time.
Many yrs later their mother died of throat Cancer (smoking a contributer) but even today the boy ( now a grandfather to be) still smokes knowing the possible future chance of having Cancer. They don't learn when it's staring them in the face.
I wish you luck with your problem.
If he's a grandfather to be now, and still smoking, then I'd say he didn't learn anything at all "at the time" you made him light up. Except maybe "dad can be mean if I get caught something he doesn't want me to do." - so it'd be better if he just learns how to do things and not get caught.
As to the OP's situation, some people might say he's not smart enough, or lacks willpower - and in that case, you're just going to have to accept that you have a stupid, spineless child.
I, however, don't believe any such nonsense. Kids are pressured to do stupid stuff all the time when they're young, and that testosterone in boys can push them over the edge from "do something risky" to "do something stupid" in a split second. What he's doing is stupid. He might be brilliant, but he is still just a teenage boy. I'd suggest a couple of things:
1. Remind him, or otherwise encourage him to learn, that buying cigarettes as a minor child is against the law. If he's buying them from a friend - he's breaking the law. If he's giving money to strangers to buy it for him, he's breaking the law. If he's found a place that won't check his ID, he's breaking the law.
2. Make a "not in my house" rule, and stick with it. If you smoke, quit. If you can't, then smoke outside in the yard. Make your home a smoke-free zone.
3. Let him know that you are willing to help him quit, if he can't quit himself - and if he chooses not to quit, you will be confiscating any cigarettes you find in the house, dousing them in water, and throwing them away. You will not be making up for the loss of money by raising his allowance.
If you want your kid to stop smoking - you have to make sure you're not smoking, nor is anyone else in the house. Peer pressure is one thing but it's even worse when they deal with adult hypocrisy.
Lastly - and most importantly - do not berate him for being stupid. Picking up the nasty habit (and potential addiction) of smoking is not "being" stupid. It's "behaving" stupidly. And once he's addicted, he'll need more than just willpower to stop. It's not a reflection of his intelligence, or level of willpower. It's probably more just a reflection of a need to "fit in" with his pals, or some teenage romantic notion that smoking gives a boy a "bad boy image" that attracts girls who like bad boys. He's at that age. Some will end up smoking, some will end up driving fast cars. Some will drink, some will be promiscuous. Some will pierce their eyebrow, some will get tattoos. They all do *something* really stupidly teenagerish. Try not to get down on him too much for it, but definitely hold your ground and stand firm on whatever rules you can actually enforce (such as - no cigarettes in the house, period).
I Just saw Mine 14 year old boy smoking and I have now idea how to punnish him what would you do if you were me.
But he dident (sic.) see me
Don't even mention it. People of that age are just learning to be adults. Rebellion is natural; if there were none you'd really have something to worry about. But try to keep him in peer groups that have members who exhibit desirable qualities. The biggest need right now is to make sure he has the best education you can afford.
Don't even mention it. People of that age are just learning to be adults. Rebellion is natural; if there were none you'd really have something to worry about. But try to keep him in peer groups that have members who exhibit desirable qualities. The biggest need right now is to make sure he has the best education you can afford.
I saw an article on the NPR website about teen smoking and it said that even very occasional smoking can lead to lifetime smoking over time. Their website is hard to find stuff on; I'll look for it and if I find it I will post it. It was a very interesting article. Also, it's well known that the younger one is when one starts smoking (even experimenting), the more likely one is to become a regular smoker.
What to do with this? I don't know. I fortunately never had to deal with this problem, though one of my DDs did have a boyfriend who smoked hookah and she claims she only tried it once. Knowing her, that is not true, but she's also a cancer survivor (melanoma), so I don't think she did it much more than that.
I would confront him. There is research that parent's opinions do matter to kids (although they act otherwise sometimes). He's probably heard all the horror stories in health ed, so that probably won't do a bit of good.
I was caught at age seven having tried one of mom's cigarettes. She asked me if I really wanted to smoke and then made me smoke a cigarette. I only took one or two drags and that was enough I've never considered smoking another.
Your fourteen year old might like them, though, so this might be more of a struggle to get him to quit. It depends how serious it is to you.
I was caught at age seven having tried one of mom's cigarettes. She asked me if I really wanted to smoke and then made me smoke a cigarette. I only took one or two drags and that was enough I've never considered smoking another.
Your fourteen year old might like them, though, so this might be more of a struggle to get him to quit. It depends how serious it is to you.
I never understood the mentality of the parent not wanting their kid smoke yet they do it right in front of their kids face.
It may be an experiment but I would not make him smoke a pack of cigs as he could get addicted to it, he may be addicted already. make sure he is aware of the ramifications of addictions. does he truly want to be chained to cigs. spending 10 bucks a pack to fix himself every 20 mins? it should be compared to crack as that is just about the difficulty level the addiction is. I would also make sure he knows what the health risks are. show him people with holes in their throats, black lung and the rest of it. smoking is ugly, help him to find something else he may enjoy to fill his time.
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