Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Right you are , and as a matter of fact I would allow my 14 year old daughter to have sexs if she was lawfully married to the man of her dreams (" who would have to be a great young man ") - if that is possible here in California.
How do you allow or not allow someone to have sex? It is their body. This is actually cogent to many conversations about discipline across any age. There are things that are wise to recognize you cannot control as a parent, that are the responsibility of the child. You may be able to *influence*, but you cannot control. That recognition can go a long way to a strategy that builds trust.
Ah, see I think a 14 year old is completely unprepared to be married. Much harder to be married than to have sex.
Also, I think sex itself isn't the issue for a 16 yo (which is the random age the other poster picked) but rather the ability to deal with any potential consequences of having sex.
I think that people have an unrealistic fear of these supposed consequences. Obviously pregnancy is a BFD. But we allow our kids to skin their knees riding bikes. But heaven forBID if they choose a boy whose intentions are not perfect. How will they learn to recognize a nice boy or girl if they don't skin their proverbial knees along the way. I look back at some of the pearls I dated over the years and thank every single one of their jerky selves for raising me up to what I am now. When I look at my husband, I know exactly what kind of diamond I have.
On the many marriage boards I have been on over the years, one of the main complaints is men who never have sex with their wives. Our people are taught to view sex as this dirty, nasty awful thing you only succumb to with someone you love. Men think that they should want a pure woman. Then they carry them over the threshold and are surprised that they have no idea what sex is, how to enjoy it and find it distasteful and scary. (Side note. A funny comedian was talking about the folly of religion. He was talking about Islam and the promise of 40 virgins upon being martyred for the cause. That is not a reward! That is a punishment! Give me 3 fire breathing whores! Tee hee.)
Anyway sex is a really important part of a romantic relationship. But it is also a reasonably complex activity with a bunch of history and feelings and biology all associated with it. And our young people are supposed to just KNOW all this on their wedding day? Seems kinda silly to me.
How do you allow or not allow someone to have sex? It is their body. This is actually cogent to many conversations about discipline across any age. There are things that are wise to recognize you cannot control as a parent, that are the responsibility of the child. You may be able to *influence*, but you cannot control. That recognition can go a long way to a strategy that builds trust.
Good comment.
As a practical matter, parents cannot actually prevent their kids having sex if they are set on it. The best you can do is to guide/influence them in such a way that they do not end up pregnant or with an STD.
I stand corrected. I asked my daughter tonight about the time she was dating J. She was.15. Not 16 yet. He was 21, not 22. So, regardless......of this bashing that has been had at my behest, she was not having sex with him.
I am sorry you feel bashed at my hands. That was not my intent. My intent was to point out a possible problem with your logic. You claim to be operating on an enthusiastic belief that you raised your girls up on a moral code. That moral code involves the notion that young sex is REALLY REALLY bad. But threatening to beat up a young person is just fine.
That you did this is irrelevant. I wish it was someone talking about someone else so that you would not feel bashed. But the truth of the matter is your logic is absurd. And it speaks to what I believe this society has. A shrilly, Puritan throw back of ridiculous uptightness about sexuality that is wildly unhealthy and is a real and significant life long burden on romantic relationships for many people.
My father was a US Marine. He kept a very close eye on his 3 daughters who were born in 1953, 1960, and 1965. We were taught to respect ourselves, or no man would. I believe I can quote my mom. "No man wants a woman who has been tossed around like a dirty wash cloth."
Disrespecting the house is a big no no in my book...its very sad that she did that...at the sametime, is it better in the back of a car, behind the school, etc? As a parent that was challenged too with an out of control teenage daughter, I screamed and yelled. Then, over the next months, I educated her on diseases, baby costs (birth too) and she's paying the bill, raising kids, cost of living...w/ a baby, rate of success for teenager parents and I made her watch movies/shows on teenager pregancy. Did it work? I don't know, who really knows what helps them during this phase. My daughter would actually get mad at me for the constant education, but I told her that my job as a Dad is to ensure that "my" daughter gets "my" message, not advice from some foolish friend...my goal was to outlast her friends. That parent has a tough road, but dont give up!
I just don't agree that the majority of teenagers WANT to have sex or are thinking about sex. I am telling you, in my high school, my very large & diverse group of friends were not having sex. We just weren't and it was rarely a topic of conversation among us.
( I went to hs in the mid 8o's). There were boys & girls in my circle of friends but we hung out with all different groups of kids.
I dated the same guy from 10th grade -my 1st year of college and the pressure wasn't there.
We went to all night parties after our proms and of course kids were " making out" but no one was sneaking off anywhere to have sex....
Maybe we were the minority and just didn't know it, Lol!!
I don't know, what I do know is that it just isn't and shouldn't be important for teenagers to think about it...
It is important that they are educated about it and important for them to have the confidence to say "no" , even if ALL of their other friends are doing it.,. ( which I still highly doubt).
If I caught one of my kids having sex as a teenager, I would be very disappointed and there would be some type of punishment, what that would be, I really don't know. Obviously, one can't control what their kids do and I would never say that my kids won't be having sex as teenagers, but I will use as much influence as I can to be sure it doesn't happen.
I hope I never have to cross that road....
I just don't agree that the majority of teenagers WANT to have sex or are thinking about sex. I am telling you, in my high school, my very large & diverse group of friends were not having sex. We just weren't and it was rarely a topic of conversation among us.
( I went to hs in the mid 8o's). There were boys & girls in my circle of friends but we hung out with all different groups of kids.
I dated the same guy from 10th grade -my 1st year of college and the pressure wasn't there.
We went to all night parties after our proms and of course kids were " making out" but no one was sneaking off anywhere to have sex....
Maybe we were the minority and just didn't know it, Lol!!
I don't know, what I do know is that it just isn't and shouldn't be important for teenagers to think about it...
It is important that they are educated about it and important for them to have the confidence to say "no" , even if ALL of their other friends are doing it.,. ( which I still highly doubt).
If I caught one of my kids having sex as a teenager, I would be very disappointed and there would be some type of punishment, what that would be, I really don't know. Obviously, one can't control what their kids do and I would never say that my kids won't be having sex as teenagers, but I will use as much influence as I can to be sure it doesn't happen.
I hope I never have to cross that road....
You are the polar opposite of my parents. I graduated high school in 2002, and most of us were thinking about and having sex. When my dad found out I wasn't a virgin, his comment was "He finally got some, huh?". His lecture to me was bag it and don't use store brand condoms. I never caught an STD, never got anyone pregnant. Sex was never a taboo subject in my family and my parents were fine with it. I'll admit it, if my parents told me "you can't have sex and we'll punish you if you do", I'd have probably told them where they could stuff it and just not gotten caught.
When two 16 year olds have sex there is no statutory rape.
You are right but when a 26 year old school teacher has sex with a 18 years old varisty football player it's get ready for the handcuffs time.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
