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I was at a popular sit down pizza joint at the mall today. It was packed---every table taken.
The table near us had two mothers with three young children. One mother had a four year old. The other had a six year old and a three year old. Dressed super cute in Christmas sweater dresses. Stunningly beautiful children, not just due to their outfits.
These kids were all over the place. I really didn't care until one mother yelled at her child. It was so loud. Right in my ear. The tables are packed in this restaurant. She was only 18" away from me. Her yell was ineffective. The kid didn't stop. As a matter of fact, the children got worse. Fortunately, the mother didn't continue yelling. But she didn't do anything.
Then the kids start grabbing empty chairs, their empty chairs from their table and empty chairs from neighboring tables, and pushing them around the floor and around their table, between that 18" space between the mother's seat and our table. One chair gets stuck. The kid is pushing it. Our table is rocking. The mother never even turns around to stop the child. She had to have known---her chair was being pushed too! And the chairs dragging on the tile floor were loud, sounded like nails on a chaulk board. The whole restaurant could hear these chairs but the parents were oblivous.
I know people have posted in previous "restaurant" threads that we should expect these things in family style or informal restaurants. BUT WHY do people think this is acceptable? This restaurant was PACKED with families and parents who had well-behaved children. Every other child in this restaurant managed to sit in their seats quietly!
I didn't say a word. When they left, my son (who had been grabbing spare chairs from the children and pushing them behind where he was sitting) commented on how aweful their behavior was and their mothers' not saying anything. I told him that was why we required him to sit at the dinner table until everyone was done eating when he was younger. Young children don't learn how to behave in public at restaurants if they are not taught at home.
I wanted to go to each of the tables with well behaved children and thank those parents for having taught their children! All too often, we only notice that parents with misbehaving children. I think all of the parents who have children who behave should be commended!
So, my "restaruant rant" thread is a tribute to all parents out there who taught their children how to behave in public!
You are in the majority and you deserve recognition!
I was at a popular sit down pizza joint at the mall today. It was packed---every table taken.
The table near us had two mothers with three young children. One mother had a four year old. The other had a six year old and a three year old. Dressed super cute in Christmas sweater dresses. Stunningly beautiful children, not just due to their outfits.
These kids were all over the place. I really didn't care until one mother yelled at her child. It was so loud. Right in my ear. The tables are packed in this restaurant. She was only 18" away from me. Her yell was ineffective. The kid didn't stop. As a matter of fact, the children got worse. Fortunately, the mother didn't continue yelling. But she didn't do anything.
Then the kids start grabbing empty chairs, their empty chairs from their table and empty chairs from neighboring tables, and pushing them around the floor and around their table, between that 18" space between the mother's seat and our table. The chair gets stuck. The kid is pushing it. Our table is rocking. The mother never even turns around to stop the child. She had to have known---her chair was being pushed too! And the chairs dragging on the tile floor were loud, sounded like nails on a chaulk board. The whole restaurant could hear these chairs but the parents were oblivous.
I know people have posted in previous "restaurant" threads that we should expect these things in family style or informal restaurants. BUT WHY do people think this is acceptable? This restaurant was PACKED with families and parents who had well-behaved children. Every other child in this restaurant managed to sit in their seats quietly!
I didn't say a word. When they left, my son (who had been grabbing spare chairs from the children and pushing them behind where he was sitting) commented on how aweful their behavior was and their mothers' not saying anything. I told him that was why we required him to sit at the dinner table until everyone was done eating when he was younger. Young children don't learn how to behave in public at restaurants if they are not taught at home.
I wanted to go to each of the tables with well behaved children and thank those parents for having taught their children! All too often, we only notice that parents with misbehaving children. I think all of the parents who have children who behave should be commended!
So, my "restaruant rant" thread is a tribute to all parents out there who taught their children how to behave in public!
You are in the majority and you deserve recognition!
I'm sure they weren't oblivious - they just didn't care!
Our son, from a tiny age, was taught how to behave in very nice restaurants. Being an only child he was dragged every where. When we first moved here, we went out to eat at least once a week at nice restaurants with my husband's boss. I always appreciated that he treated our son like a small adult.
Those dinners stopped (I do miss them - although our son is 17 now...) when the boss started dating a woman with a 6 year old that she would allow to wander around restaurants. One time the waiter even came and said her son was in the kitchen! That was the last night we went out together. Kind of sad - it was the beginning of the end of a personal friendship because we couldn't stand her kid (or the sound of her voice - it was grating....).
Thank you for noticing my well behaved children. We actually have had several occasions where people would come up to us to commend us on our kids' behavior. I would always tell our children right then in front of the folks giving the compliments how proud we were of them and how much we enjoyed taking them in public.
We are much older than average parents and I can't help but feel that is why we are so determined to have well behaved children. Both of us were raised by parents of the "kids are to be seen and not heard" generation but we get results without corporal punishment. (unlike our parents who thought nothing of a quick backhand or paddle)
I have been known to stop and compliment parents on their well-behaved children in restaurants. I did this fairly recently. At a salad bar type place - not a fancy place...(for those of you that have Sweet Tomatoes...also called SoupPlantation in some parts of the country). A young couple had an infant and a toddler girl. They were all quite nice and calmly discussing with the older child how to behave and she was very seriously listening and as sweet as anything. I couldn't help myself.
I'm an older parent as well, and learned alot from observing my sister's parenting. Her children were complete angels in restaurants and knew what was expected of them. My brother's were totally opposite. I can remember eating out w/ the entire family w/ both sets of parents and children. My sister's would stay seated at the table and my brother's would play tag around the table. I knew then if I ever had kids what I would not allow in restaurants.
I will be honest. My daughter should not be in restaurants or in eating areas like the mall. She will not sit down for more than 3 minutes most of the time and will start running and pushing chairs around.
So if I am expecting to have lunch outside of the home, I do not give her any snacks before mealtime to be sure she is very hungry. Hopefully this means sitting quietly for 7 minutes. I also bring or buy finger foods for me so I can eat on the go as soon as she is done sitting.
There is no such thing as "Shhh. Sit quietly please." I accepted that, make myself ready to leave and don't make other people suffer.
I did get a compliment once but the mother also said that she didn't take her children out for a long time. This was at a breakfast place in an upper-middle class area. We sat for a total of 10 minutes. Before that we were outside walking around. I usually sit her down a couple of minutes after the food is served so it cools down.
I have seen younger toddlers behave much better than she does, like sitting quietly with a toy for up to 45 minutes.
People claim to teach their children how to behave in restaurants. How do you do this? Do you allow your child to scream in their high chair at home until the "get it" that they stay their until mom says so?
Oh No.
Generally a kid will act in public the same way it does at home. And parents discipline or not in public the same way at home.
I would never let my kid scream in a high chair till they "get it". And I am very careful about food issues since I'm aware this can cause alot more problems later down the road.
There isn't just one thing we do except the general concept that the parents are in charge and not the kids. That permeates into every aspect of parenting.
We aren't bossy and mean. We just carry ourselves and speak to our children letting them know they get privleges as they earn them.
I think alot of younger parents are afraid of their children. They seem to be afraid to exert any control over their kids, afraid they will kill their spirit. Most folks will tell you kids want boundaries. They are testing the waters very early and the sooner you set those boundaries, the better for everybody.
My job as a parent is not to make sure my kids like me every minute of the day but to prepare them for each new challenge as it comes before them with self confidence and self discipline.
Then I suspect that a parent should not take full responsibility for their children behaving well. It is not as easy as getting up, grabbing my child and sitting her fanny down. She will fight me to the bitter end and to me I look ridiculous trying to force her into a chair just to have her come right back out. The only option is to spank her which usually ends up being a screaming child. We, therefore, just leave.
However, lately we have been telling her "sit down so I can eat or we go home." I provide no rewards for behaving. If she wants to go to the train, then mom needs to eat at the mall or mom needs to shop first.
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