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So, I'm helping a homeless teenager get his life together.
For whatever reason, he had not managed to find employment during the two months he has been homeless. I guess it didn't seem like a pressing issue to him even though I told him everytime I talked to him that he needed to find a job ASAP. To him, finding a job meant putting in an application a week. That's being too kind. In the past 8 weeks, he has only applied to two places. He has 'picked up' applications but failed to return them.
So, I scheduled yesterday as an all day job search event. I drove him around, pulled up in front of places, and waited while he went inside. We spent the entire afternoon doing it. Afterwards, I told him that this should be his full-time job. He should be doing this--putting this many hours into finding a job--every single day.
Well, if that isn't common sense enough, I'm about to get into my rant about common sense stuff parents should be teaching their children.
Before we left, he texted me to ask if his girlfriend could come along because she wanted to find a new job. I said fine. (I sent them into different businesses. I didn't let them apply to the same places.)
When I picked them up, this is what I saw coming down the stairs to my car.
HIM: dressed somewhat gangster. baggy jeans that looked like the crotch was halfway to his knees. big oversized hoody. lots of necklaces. high top shoes that weren't buckled---the velcro thingies at the ankles were flapping around. clean cut haircut but some strange beared all along the jaw line.
HER: dressed in jeans that had a huge hole in the knee. t-shirt. thin grey sweat hoody. hair in a loose knot that looked all messy and stringy.
I sent her back into the house to put on a different pair of pants. I told him to secure his shoes, take of the jewlery and tighten his belt. I should have made them both go back inside and completely change, but I knew his clothes weren't at her house. (The belt kept failing him. Everytime he pulled up his pants before entering a business, they would fall back down almost immediately. I know because I watched this happen 20 times in a row!)
When we arrived at the shopping area, I noticed that his pants were splatted with speckles of mud on the side. I gave him napkins and instructed him to go to the snow and wet the napkins and try to clean his pants. Instead of walking to the snow that's near where we were parked at the back of the parking lot, he starts walking towards the restaurant. I tried to re-direct him but failed. He stood right in front of the restaurant windows and cleaned his pants with the napkins and the snow---right there immediately before walking inside!
I could go on and on with the antics of the day.
Anyways, they are both very attractive. They're super nice too!
But they have no basic life skills whatsoever! How could this happen? How is this possible?
Oh man, I've seen this, and I don't get it. Some people are just RAISED to be clueless. Did the girlfriend AT LEAST wear a bra? Some of the young "ladies" that come into the lobby at my job don't.
Hopes, you have a very kind heart. But it's misguided and you're burning yourself out on people who are taking advantage of your kindness - probably out of boredom.
You are doing nothing to help them get a job, by driving them around. What happens if they GET these jobs? How will they get there? Will you be their personal chauffeuer? You already HAD your kids. These kids need to succeed or fail on their own merits - not because someone else's mom reminded them to fill out job applications and personally escorted them to the door of businesses to apply.
They will continue to take advantage, until you stop letting them. They're getting a free ride all over town, and doing nothing to earn it. They aren't even showing you enough decency to *pretend* to be interested in actually getting work. If they did, they would be asking about appropriate attire - they'd make some attempt to be clean and neat appearing. These kids are not stupid. They know damned well that ghetto getups don't get good jobs. They don't care.
Let them go. As hard as it might be, you need to do it for yourself and for YOUR family. If they end up in the gutter, it's because of their own doing, not because of any lack, or because of any responsibility, on your part.
Oh, stop it. They will not need me to drive them to work. They own their own cars.
The girl has a job. She has had the same job for two years. She has been promoted twice. She claimed she wanted to apply for other jobs because she's ready for a change. It's more likely she came along because she didn't want to be bored while he was looking for work.
The boy has a job but he needs a job with more hours because he is supporting himself. He has finally hit rock bottom. He is absolutely desperate now. He isn't disinterested. He's clueless. He truly is. He's utterly and completely clueless. He has never been very bright. But he is a super sweet kid.
And trust me, I am not bored. I'm super busy. I wish I were bored. I do this because someone needs to have the heart to do it. This is not a fruitless effort. I've helped two other teenagers over the past year and both of them are supporting themselves now.
I simply needed to rant because parents who kick their children out make my blood boil. He should have been taught these basic skills by his own parents.
I keep thinking about the way they were dressed. It seems like kids have their trendy clothes and that is it. Nothing dressy, nothing for a special occasion. A couple years ago at a grandparent's funeral, my 14 year old nephew was wearing jeans and even my 9 year old nephew had a fit because he was told to wear khakis. I don't remember what he ended up wearing. Not having teens yet, I didn't want to be too judgmental, but I was thinking my boys will never wear jeans to a funeral. I hope I don't eat my words.
Oh, stop it. They will not need me to drive them to work. They own their own cars.
The girl has a job. She has had the same job for two years. She has been promoted twice. She claimed she wanted to apply for other jobs because she's ready for a change. It's more likely she came along because she didn't want to be bored while he was looking for work.
The boy has a job but he needs a job with more hours because he is supporting himself. He has finally hit rock bottom. He is absolutely desperate now. He isn't disinterested. He's clueless. He truly is. He's utterly and completely clueless. He has never been very bright. But he is a super sweet kid.
And trust me, I am not bored. I'm super busy. I wish I were bored. I do this because someone needs to have the heart to do it. This is not a fruitless effort. I've helped two other teenagers over the past year and both of them are supporting themselves now.
I simply needed to rant because parents who kick their children out make my blood boil. He should have been taught these basic skills by his own parents.
Why couldn't he have driven himself around to look for a job?
It seems pretty obvious, if Hopes wasn't going to take him around to do it, he wouldn't go looking for jobs on his own.
I give you a lot of credit Hopes. Later in life, this kid is going to come back and show you much love and respect for how much time and love you are showing him now. We need more people like you in this world.
I simply needed to rant because parents who kick their children out make my blood boil. He should have been taught these basic skills by his own parents.
I'm guessing that this kids parents couldn't pass these basic skills down to him because they were lacking these basics themselves. Unfortunately there are many people who are completely clueless as how to dress and act when looking for employment and on the job. Just try and understand that the life and environment that he came from is very likely a completely different world from what you are used to and what you see as the norm. I used to work in social work with very poor families and it was an eye opening experience as to the barriers that many people face simply from growing up within a culture of poverty. I think it's great that you are trying to help him out. Simple things like showing him how to dress properly and how to act when he goes in to ask for an application and how to fill out an application correctly will go a long way. I hope he takes your advice and help seriously.
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