Parents of high school seniors...what would YOU do? (BF, boy, activity)
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So...I'm curious...I don't understand a parent who would allow their kid to be a part of this with no parental participation...and I'm wondering how other parents feel. And oh yeah...there are guys and girls going - a mixed group. So parents, what would your response be?
1) No go period...even WITH a parent. Too many kids with too much room for disaster.
2) No go. Without a parent on the premises, no way.
3) Kid can go, but he/she pays, with the understanding that at any time, you (the parent) are free to drop in and hang around.
4) No problem. Go and have a great time. Here's some money. See you in a week.
5) Something else (explain below)
I answered "Something else" before reading that scenario. I was thinking it all depended on the situation - not coed for one, maybe siblings and cousin for example.
This is one of those times parenting isn't easy, it's not always supposed to be just easy and under these circumstances, I would not be afraid to tell my kid no. They know the rules anyhow, they would know I would have to say no to this.
Really? You obviously have not read the post. If by controlling him financially, you mean that I pay for his car, his insurance, his phone, his school expenses, his college applications, AND his $200 senior portraits, (and yep all that since he turned 18), then yea, I guess I control him financially.
Obviously discipline becomes less of an issue at 18. This isn't about discipline, dude. It's about whether or not I should let him go to an unsupervised week-long party with a busload of teenagers for a week.
I don't consider myself overbearing, but yes, I AM a strict parent, and always have been. I consider that a good thing, personally, but thanks for your perspective. I appreciate it. He is actually very mature...I am extremely proud of him, even with the episode we had last fall. He has a GPA of 4.34 - the kid is smart. I am not really so concerned with HIS behavior....but I know peer pressure is a *****. I really am only trying to do what is right. Really I am. I just wanted some other opinions from PARENTS if they were in my shoes.
As far as his age - that's still your decision to make. Not all people are kids at 17 and then instantly wise beyond their years the day they turn 18. The parent knows their own kid better than anyone, and if he's still in high school, more than likely you're still supporting him financially like you did when he was 15.
And the going off to the military isn't the same thing as a party at all. They also have rules when in the military.
I have a kid that age still in high school and I don't think twice about telling him to be home by a certain time or telling him he can go over to a friends for a while. He still asks permission. He can still come home and ask what's going to be for dinner and assume I'm paying his car insurance and other parental things.
No no no no he's an adult if he does something stupid HE has to pay for it....what's mommy punishing him going to do besides just further this horrid trend of treating and punishing young adults like children.
Why do you think I'm so screwed up? My mom STILL treats me like a child, just months ago threatened to take away my cell phone, I went in my own plan....
But sure go ahead and ground an adult and take away his privileges like he's 13 again...treating people 18+ like children does nothing but prohibit them from maturing properly.
Please don’t try to compare yourself and your relationship with your mother to Chessie and her son. You're nothing alike from what I can tell, and Chessie and her son seem to enjoy a strong bond. One size does not fit all in parenting. My parents were pretty strict with me and I turned out to be an okay human being.
As far as his age - that's still your decision to make. Not all people are kids at 17 and then instantly wise beyond their years the day they turn 18. The parent knows their own kid better than anyone, and if he's still in high school, more than likely you're still supporting him financially like you did when he was 15.
And the going off to the military isn't the same thing as a party at all. They also have rules when in the military.
I have a kid that age still in high school and I don't think twice about telling him to be home by a certain time or telling him he can go over to a friends for a while. He still asks permission.He can still come home and ask what's going to be for dinner and assume I'm paying his car insurance and other parental things.
Maybe it's because I'm from a different country and a different era. I was out of the house and living in a different city by the time I was 18. It's hard for me to fathom asking permission to go to a friend's for a while at that age.
I understand the anxiety attached to it (letting the kid go), but does financial control have to equate to control over all aspects of an 18 year old's life?
And I also understand that the military has rules. But if we trust 18 year olds to be mature enough to kill people, then we should trust them to go away with their friends for a week. Otherwise, why don't we raise the formal age of adulthood to 21 and stop pretending like 18 year olds have any autonomy at all?
Maybe it's because I'm from a different country and a different era. I was out of the house and living in a different city by the time I was 18. It's hard for me to fathom asking permission to go to a friend's for a while at that age.
I understand the anxiety attached to it (letting the kid go), but does financial control have to equate to control over all aspects of an 18 year old's life?
And I also understand that the military has rules. But if we trust 18 year olds to be mature enough to kill people, then we should trust them to go away with their friends for a week. Otherwise, why don't we raise the formal age of adulthood to 21 and stop pretending like 18 year olds have any autonomy at all?
Understood, and it's something I grapple with too (what we expect from 18-year-olds). Most of the older generations in my family were married by 17 or 18. I understand asking permission, though, and I think it's just a function of still living at home. If you live at home, especially if you never left (as opposed to moving out then back), it's just too hard to break that parent-child dynamic.
Chessie, Joe84323 may not be a parent, but he gave you some of the best advice here. You don't need to be a parent to understand human nature, relationships between parents and their kids and what it feels like to be 18. I am a parent, and I am reminded of my days at college living in a dorm. I think this trip is a great experiment/experience before your son is out on his own. You said that you have been strict. Well, many kids of super strict parents go hogwild when they get to college. Time to start stepping back now. Give him space to succeed or screw up.
Time to START stepping back? Sorry...you're a bit late on that. I started that about 2 years ago.
I'm not a hoverer nor am I trying to control my son. If that is the impression you have gotten, then I must not have been clear. I am concerned about peer pressure mostly...we've all been there done that. It's a *****.
He's 18 enough said. He's an adult, make him go and spend his own money on the trip, no one needs to be supervising a bunch of legal adults...
Let him go have fun and trust in your 18 years of parenting that he'll be just fine.
No , they won't ALL be 18. My son will be, but not all the kids will. And as far as "no one needs to be supervising a bunch of legal adults"...gee....I wonder why the rental agencies won't rent to these groups of "legal adults"?
Seriously.....he's 18 years old and you are asking this question? What next, he won't be allowed togo away to college? I did this stuff when i was 15
If your parents let you go and stay in a houseful of teens for a week, with no parents present, at the age of 15, I'm surprised your parents didn't get charged with something somewhere down the line. That's just plain stupid.
No no no no he's an adult if he does something stupid HE has to pay for it....what's mommy punishing him going to do besides just further this horrid trend of treating and punishing young adults like children.
Why do you think I'm so screwed up? My mom STILL treats me like a child, just months ago threatened to take away my cell phone, I went in my own plan....
But sure go ahead and ground an adult and take away his privileges like he's 13 again...treating people 18+ like children does nothing but prohibit them from maturing properly.
You are not a parent of a teenager...your post vividly illustrates that.
Good luck with your life.
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This isn't about discipline, dude. It's about whether or not I should let him go to an unsupervised week-long party with a busload of teenagers for a week. 
It's hard for me to fathom asking permission to go to a friend's for a while at that age. 
I started that about 2 years ago.
