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Yeah I was all on your team rooting for you and when you made the black comment it through me off.
Most woman raise their children alone because they HAVE to not because they CHOSE to. Children without fathers in those type of enviroments end up in drugs and gangs.
OMG. It's a cultural issue! That's so sad. The plight of the AA community is the absense of fathers. It's not something to celebrate.
Oh, I wish you would step outside of your small world for a moment and really consider what you're saying and planning.
Seriously. Are you not even aware of WHY fathers are absent in the AA community?
Hopefully after you've finished your higher education, your view will change.
In the thread about the idea time to have a child, I mentioned how younger parents are more physically fit, but they have a tendency to be more self-centered and not see their child as a separate person. What lessons are you, as a parent, teaching that child? The most important lesson you teach is what kind of person that child should grow up to be. If you teach a child lessons such as, "Men can't be trusted" and "Fathers are unnecessary," what kind of person are you shaping? A girl who believes that men can't be trusted--what kind of woman will she grow up to be? What about a boy? What choices will he make as a man if he believes that men cannot be trusted and fathers are unnecessary? Who will teach him how to be a man?
A spouse is not just there to ooh and ahh over the happy times and help clean up the poop. A spouse is your most trusted advisor, your best friend who will back you up. Someone asked, "What if you're a terrible mother?" A spouse is there to help you make good decisions, just like you are there to help your spouse. Sometimes you need to hear, "No, that is a bad idea," and "What if we do it this way instead?" That's why you pick someone you trust and you take care of that person, and you have someone who trusts you and takes care of you too.
Teaching children that marriage (heck, even meaningful long-term commitment) is a useless relic and that men are dogs does them a grave disservice, I feel.
1) Children are a blessing and a huge responsibilty.
2) You take one post and tarnish everyone with the same brush?
3) You said that should something happen to you you would leave your child with members of your family and this is the same family you would leave them to? Your own mother has enough on her plate raising her son with autism then willing to provide free daycare for her grandchild? That is alot to take in and what if your mother gets ill. What if she got cancer? You seem to have this crystal ball that predicts everything will work in your favor when that is not life nor does anything ever work out to anyone's favor.
5) Raising babies single isn't new for the Black community. As a minority I truly take offense to it. Not only do I take offense to it but you just set minorities back by even saying this statement. You out of all people know how far minorities have come and how we want the world to view us as women who are hardworking, can raise families in two parent households and not be viewed as single possibly on assistance with baby daddy/mama drama, yet because your Black its ok to do it on your own? I truly believe in my heart that single parent Black women will look at you sideways for that comment. Raising babies single isn't new for ANY community. Its how you raise them, how you provide for them and who you are as a parent that speaks volumes and nothing to do with race.
Absolutely! As a single Black parent, that comment rubbed me the wrong way as well. There are wonderful, cultural aspects of being African American, but THAT definitely is NOT one of them! Too many of our children are being raised without their fathers, and I believe that is the root of most of the problems with our youth. Sure, YOU might not need a man in your life, but if you think your child will never want a father or feel a void in his or her life without one, you are sadly delusional.
The only children, I believe, who DON'T miss having a father are the ones who have experienced abusive or neglectful ones. For the child that never knew his or her father, they will idealize, fantasize, and wish for one. They will want to know why the "sperm donor" didn't care enough to be a real parent to them. Every Father's Day, birthday, Donuts with Dad day or any other special day they will want their daddy there. They will have interests and hobbies that didn't come from you, and they will want the parent that they can enjoy them with. Every special day in their lives, they will wonder what their dad would have thought if he were there. They will wish he was there. To me, it is heartbreaking to see your child go through this, ESPECIALLY as a Black woman. More of our little girls need to know what it's like to be Daddy's girls, for their daddy to love them and treat them like a princess, so they know what to expect from every other man in their lives. More of our little boys need a man in their lives they can look up to, admire, respect, and emulate, so they don't wander down the wrong path. Sure, a lot of single women have raised wonderful kids on their own, who didn't end up in prison or in the projects, but even those kids who beat the odds still have to live with that awful void in their lives, and it is hard for them. To deliberately set your own child up for that kind of pain because YOU don't want to be bothered with a man is plain selfish imho, and too bad if you don't like it. You wanted opinions, you got them.
Meh. You have no idea what you are talking about. Once I have that job, my mom will retire. She is just as excited about a grandma and has told me that if I provide, she will have no problem providing for free daycare for me and my brother. I plan to live with my mom and help her so she isn't working in her sixties. She loves babies and says she wants to be a grandma by fifty five.
So you can shove it.
No little girl, YOU shove it. you are not doing anything FOR this child. You are doing something all for YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU. And who are YOU to inflict a less than ideal situation for this baby?
Also, You shouldn't be inflicting this on your mother. Her position as a grandmother is not to be the de facto parent. You won't be, you won't be around for most of the day-to-day activity. Chances are your won't be the one to see the baby take its first step, say its first word. What you will be doing is consigning the WORK of raising a kid to YOUR MOTHER, while still calling yourself a parent.
Yes, it is very sad. Instead of perpetuating it on purpose, it should be her goal to change it instead of being another statistic.
The problem that I have with this is that there is an assumption that single parenting in the black community is a CAUSE of deterioration of said community. I don't think that causation has been demonstrated. Correlation only. I would almost wonder if deterioration of said community might not be the cause of the single parenting.
The percent of black people living in poverty is much higher than white. Poverty is definitely a risk of negative outcomes for kids.
I am thinking back to Manchild in the Promised Land which I read a while back. I think the issues facing the black community are varied and complex and cannot be layed at the feet of single parenting. ALL of these factors contribute to the negative outcomes for those children.
No offense to you but I do recall you were the person who did disclose your mental health issues in not just one but two threads which is available for the public to see.
So how can one not take that into consideration when you are considering to be a single parent by choice?
It amazes me how hostile your posts become when one does not agree with what you are doing or just provides friendly advice.
Well, well, well. I missed this info. Explains a lot. Also explains why it would be a stupid thing to do.
The problem that I have with this is that there is an assumption that single parenting in the black community is a CAUSE of deterioration of said community. I don't think that causation has been demonstrated. Correlation only. I would almost wonder if deterioration of said community might not be the cause of the single parenting.
The percent of black people living in poverty is much higher than white. Poverty is definitely a risk of negative outcomes for kids.
I am thinking back to Manchild in the Promised Land which I read a while back. I think the issues facing the black community are varied and complex and cannot be layed at the feet of single parenting. ALL of these factors contribute to the negative outcomes for those children.
Either way, she has completely the wrong attitude about it, and it is painfully obvious that her experience with her own father has turned her away from all men. With her supposed education and determination for success, she wouldn't have a problem finding an educated upstanding man to be with. It is a shame she doesn't see the point in that.
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