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So you say. Having been twenty and not twenty, you look pretty twenty to me.
Meh. You can keep judging me as you wish. Going back and forth and trying to demean my decision isn't going to change my views. If, in six years, I am financially, emotionally, and mentally stable to have and to support and to raise a baby, then I will. I grew up in time where women were encouraged to be independent and not to rely or wait on a man for anything, parenting included. Sure, something might happen that may cause me to want a partner or to skip out on parenthood altogether, but I feel very strongly about this.
I respect that a lot of people have problems with single mothers, especially ones who went out of their way to become a single mother. I just wish that certain maturity and respect for differing opinions could have been reciprocated.
Meh. You can keep judging me as you wish. Going back and forth and trying to demean my decision isn't going to change my views.
Are you talking to me? I find your logic a bit unsupportable. I think you are young and invincible. I was young, knew everything and was invincible when I was 20 too. But nowhere did I demean anything.
Yeah...they did choose to single parent by kicking their sorry husbands to the curb. My grandmother could have stayed in her abusive marriage. My mom could have to choose why with her useless husband but they didn't. It was better for them to single parent than to be beaten or cheated on on a daily basis.
Moderator cut: snip They OBVIOUSLY didn't choose to start out that way. THAT'S what I meant. How did you manage to misinterpret that?
Last edited by JustJulia; 12-09-2011 at 02:23 PM..
I also realize this responsibility. I fully plan to take care of my mom when she gets in her late fifties and up. I want to be able to have her retire and travel the world while she still can enjoy it. I don't want her in a Nursing home. I've seen those places and I would never put my mother in one.
Well. I am a single parent - not by choice but with no regrets looking back.
I understand your desire for a child and hope that you look to the future with more in mind than just being a single parent. You are young with lots of life to live ~ good things can still happen and that great guy could come along.
If not, you could become a single parent. Yes, you certainly could.
But I don't think I can fully describe just how difficult it is. YOU earn all the money; YOU pay all the bills; YOU change all the diapers;YOU stay up all night with the newborn and then go to work; YOU do all the grocery shopping;YOU shovel all the snow; mow the grass; arrange transportation to and from school; attend PTA meetings; convince your boss to leave early so you can volunteer at least once a week; miss work if your child is sick; make every decision; buy all the clothes; clean the house and OH yes ~ spend lots of quality time with your child. I listed only a fraction of your responsibilities as a single parent. It is hard; it would break many people.
I did it. I have no regrets; love my son and he is a scholar-athlete and a fine and handsome young man. I love him with all my heart.
So I'll be the last to say that it can't be done. But I will be the first to say that any kind of normal life will be over. There is just no time for that. In order for a single parent to raise a successful child and to do the work of what two people are normally sharing ~ you must have a single-minded focus on the best interest of your child. At all times. Nothing else matters - not friends, job promotions, rest, sleep, dinner out; reading a book; and dating? Ha! Not so easy.
And socially? All your friend are either married - or still living the childfree life. You will not fit into either of those categories. It can be very isolating.
Can I honestly tell someone to choose to be a single parent? I don't know. I just don't know.
Relinquishing parental rights isn't as easy in some states as it sounds. In some cases, a man's parental rights can only be terminated for adoption purposes. So if you were getting married and your new husband wanted to adopt your child, THEN the child's biological father's rights could be terminated. You could have a verbal agreement that the guy would just disappear and you would never ask him for child support, but how do you know he won't change his mind someday? Papa showing up on your doorstep after 5,10, 12, or 15 years will surely put a big crimp in your plans.
I understand your wanting to have a child, and feeling a little hopeless about the prospects out there. I wouldn't worry about it now if I were you though. You're young, you're in college, now is the time to just focus on YOU. Get good grades, have some fun, enjoy your life. Everything else will fall into place when it is supposed to.
Please, point me to the direction because the ones at my college certainly aren't hard working or intelligent individuals. Most at my school are obnoxious d-bags who don't take life or education seriously.
Right....so they are all like that?
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Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
As for the working shifts, yeah, they are tiring, but you do what you have to do. No, my mom wouldn't be taking care of those kids outside of my working shifts. I'm used to working insane amount of hours because I already work in the hospital setting. Your body gets use to it.
Okay, this really made me laugh. You have not even graduated yet, and think shifts will be a breeze. What about the times you cannot leave work on time? It happens all the time in nursing. Do you realize that most hospitals can mandate shifts? If they are swamped with patients, or if there is a natural or industrial disaster, or an act of terrorism they can mandate that you go to work, and terminate you when you don't? You'd better have a very reliable child care plan.
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Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
I'm more or less amused that people are so preachy and narrow that they feel they should "preach" to me about how I plan or how I should live my life. If people didn't come off as condescending and preachy, I would have taken this a lot better.
People are not preachy, nor are they telling you how to live your life, they are merely telling you their own experiences, and to really know all the pieces of the puzzle before you make such a decison. That is all.
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
I have noticed a great animosity toward single women as well and some anti-feminist undertones as well, and I find that to be more than disturbing. It saddens me that people still cling on to very traditional, 1950s view of the family. The family structure has evolved greatly, and it is time to get with the program!
Oh spare me. I am one of the most liberal feminists out there. I most certainly have nothing against anyone who makes choices for themselves regarding marital or parental status. All I have seen people do on this thread is offer advice based on life experiences. You are really and truly barking up the wrong tree with your accusations.
What if? What if? If everyone lived by "what if", the human race would have died. .
May I observe that I find it odd that someone who values planning so much doesn't seem to see the value in contingency planning? What the people who are parents are trying to communicate to you is that the unexpected happens ALL THE TIME when you have kids. Again, you may have great back up plans for these types of scenarios, but you are communicating "I want what I want and it is going to work out how I think it will and anyone who disagrees is old fashioned or can't read." That may have something to do with the tone of responses you're getting. JMO.
May I observe that I find it odd that someone who values planning so much doesn't seem to see the value in contingency planning? What the people who are parents are trying to communicate to you is that the unexpected happens ALL THE TIME when you have kids. Again, you may have great back up plans for these types of scenarios, but you are communicating "I want what I want and it is going to work out how I think it will and anyone who disagrees is old fashioned or can't read." That may have something to do with the tone of responses you're getting. JMO.
I was just mentioning this thread to a friend of mine. She spent a few years as a stay at home mom after years of being a pretty high powered executive. Her daughter was born with an immune deficiency and couldn't be around other kids for the first two years of her life. It was really tough on my friend financially and they really had to cut back, but finding a nanny willing to deal with a special needs kid is hard and really expensive and that was her only other option. All has turned out well and her daughter is now healthy and she's back at work but it would have been very difficult to handle as a single parent. You just never know...
I would never force a man to relinquish his rights. Never. And if he wanted to be in the child's life, I'm not going to force him out. I'd still be a single woman and the kid would have a father figure. Win-win.
Oh great, the kid will live out of a bag every weekend.
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I am one of the most liberal feminists out there. I most certainly have nothing against anyone who makes choices for themselves regarding marital or parental status. All I have seen people do on this thread is offer advice based on life experiences. You are really and truly barking up the wrong tree with your accusations.
