Do you expect help from your parents? (childcare, baby, wife)

[NYMD67]

I am sure this must have been covered at one time or another on this parenting thread... I haven't seen it though.

At pick up at our children's school, there are many opportunities for parents to have idle chit-chat before the kids are dismissed and I hear many different things...
This time of year of course with Summer coming & school ending, many people are talking about Summer plans,etc....
After a conversation (well, me listening mainly ), it got me thinking about something that I hear quite often.

I am so surprised by the amount of "help" that grown people receive from their parents and more so surprised that it seems to be kind of expected.
We do not live near any family, so I am very use to doing most things on my own. We don't have "date" nights by our own fault of not getting a babysitter, but obviously don't have a "free" one available and we never do anything pretty much w/out our daughters.
We were talking about Summer camps the other day, and quite a few of the parents (mom's) remarked that their children were going to this camp or that camp, but that their parents were paying for it for them, as a "end of the school year congrats gift!". Wow. Has anyone checked out the prices of Summer Camps lately? not inexpensive and certainly not if you are doing it for more than 1 child.
More & more I hear about parents who help pay for their grandchildren's pre-school or buying them their "back to school wardrobe" or paying for this activity or that activity and I am amazed.
I think maybe more amazed that people actually "let" their parents take on these kind of expenses.
I don't know, maybe if I were closer (meaning distance wise) to my parents, I would be more apt to think differently, but I can't imagine my parents ever first of all, OFFERING to pay for Summer camp for our children and secondly, accepting it. I would not be comfortable at all with that , knowing they are on a fixed income,etc... the struggles with social security, things like that.
I don't know that my parents could offer to do such a thing anyway's, but it is shocking the amount of grandparents that seem to do so.
Many people talk about taking big family trips in which their parents are paying for, a gift to the whole family. My parents have never offered to do anything like that, and again, I can't imagine them doing so or us accepting it. (I guess it would be different if I knew that my parents were VERY financially able) but I would always still worry, what if something happened to their health or what happens when they can no longer take care of themselves and long term living is needed, things like that.
Knowing that my parents helped foot the bill for Summer Camp or my kids wardrobes would constantly be in the back of my mind.

One of our neighbors' parents even helped them re-finish their basement so that the kids could have a "nicer" play area in the Winter months? that seems excessive to me.

It is so obvious how people do the things they can do today if more people are getting "help" like that, but I guess I am just shocked that it seems to be a common thing & that the attitude is mainly very nonchalant like it isn't a big deal, kind of, expected?

I am assuming that the grandparents are obviously able to do such things and most are probably doing it because they really want to be. I think that is wonderful I just hope that it is appreciated as it should be.

[lauramc27]

I would never accept anything like that from my parents. They raised us and are not responsible for paying for my child. My feeling is, if you can't afford to pay for it yourself, then you shouldn't do it. I think it all goes to the entitlement attitude a lot of people have these days and living beyond their means.

[Penguin_ie]

When my younger daughter was born, both my mother and my husband's parents offered to help with childcare for the older two (time, not money). If I am completely honest yes, I did expect them to offer, despite none of them living very close by. My mother has also helped financially a couple of times (for example, she bought us a nice grill and patio set when we bought our first home with a yard and didn't feel we could splash on outdoor furniture). I would never expect any of our families to help financially or with non-emergency babysitting though.

[Momma_bear]

I think it really depends on the relative financial situation of both parent and child. I was raised in a middle class family. We had everything we needed and some things that we wanted. We were not poor but we did not have unlimited funds available. My grandparents on both sides were downright poor and would never have been able to give us or our parents extravagant gifts, although we did always get modest gifts at the holidays and our birthdays. My father and MIL give the kids really nice gifts, usually spending $100 or so for each child on birthdays and at the holidays. They do not spend out of obligation, they love to get the kids gifts.

I would not feel comfortable accepting expensive gifts (like summer camp or money for a major home improvement project) from them though. We have much more money than they do. I think that in the case where the parents have more they may prefer to spend it on their kids now while they are still alive then later when they are dead. They get the enjoyment of seeing the family use the money.

I think there is a difference between children who DEMAND expensive gifts and parents who give them freely.

[Marlow]

I know people do that for their grandkids but haven't ever really thought much about it. Not really any of my business.

My parents helped me with things like apartment and utility deposits when I was getting started on my own, and they gave me the down payment for my first house, which was less than $3,000. As I got older and my income increased they helped with less and less, but they were always asking if I/we needed anything. I certainly never expected anything, but I know it made them happy to be able to help and I was always very grateful and made sure they knew I was.

[Caligula1]

My Brother and his wife are famous for this, it's almost seems like they wanted kids yet they still somehow thought they would have a freestyle life.
They are constantly asking my Mother or myself to watch the kids for them.
My SIL actually made plans to go to freeking NY, 1500 miles away with her Mother for a long weekend and expect others to take up the slack.
She bought the airline tickets before she even told my Brother about her plans.
I think my favorite so far from them both was they gave me "permission" to go overboard for Christmas last year.
because they are trying to save money for a downpayment on a house..

[2mares]

I grew up seeing generations helping one another. It is very common in my rural country area. My grandparents were not wealthy at all, but they would help their children and grandkids any way they could. My grandmother also took care of an invalid uncle and when my grandpa got sick, my mother moved in with them to take care of him. Grandparents and children and other family members often lived together for extended periods of time and would help each other out. My parents in one way or another have helped each of their children and grandchildren. These days families are smaller and people seem to have larger disposible incomes so more financial help is seen. Being a grandparent I like to pay for extra things for my grandkids when I can because I love them. I know their parents arent doing as well as I am. Actually, I think it is sad that the close involved extended families are seen as an oddity these days.

[suedonym]

i wish my mom had done... well, anything. she used to live 30 minutes away. then she moved across the country. just as well, i suppose.

im not even entirely sure she knows my kids middle names :/

[NYMD67]

Yes, I too was brought up in a middle class family , my mom a nurse, my dad an engineer. We never "needed" anything, but we didn't live a luxurious lifestyle either.
My parents of course, watch our children when they come to visit, they take them out to do little things like lunch at Friendly's or a movie, something like that.
We don't expect it though, if they offer and say "why don't you go out and do something" that is great! we live 6.5 hours away from them, we don't get those opportunities very often.
I think it is just really surprising to me that some people do seem to expect their parents to do such large expenditures.....

[DewDropInn]

I never expected anything from any member of my family. My parents worked for everything they ever had and I grew up knowing I would have to as well.

My DH, however, had a very well-off step-father. When we got married my parents were pretty curious as to what the wedding present would be so one day my dad asked my DH if they'd gotten us anything yet. DH said, "Yes. A job." Step-father had pulled a few strings and gotten him into the union and an entry level job. VERY entry level. No place to go BUT up, entry level, LOL. Then he told DH he was on his own. Sink or swim. No more help.

My father, BTW, thought it was pretty dang cool and it cemented the friendship he and my FIL shared the rest of their lives. They had the same work ethic: "Teach a man to fish" school of life.

Yes, they bought things for their grandchildren through the years. There were perks that came with my FIL's position, but no one was writing any checks for major gifts. There were no handouts. Neither DH nor I expected a thing.