Personal Problem: Any advice?

[Strel]

Originally Posted by confused&pained

I am an 18 year old girl living with her parents, but doesn't know how to handle it anymore.

My parents, while they aren't horrible, are very rude and mean to me.

When I was 16 I made the mistake of losing my virginity. I thought the guy was trustworthy, but he wasn't. In fact the next day he tried to sleep with
my best friend. He also didn't tell me about a "little" problem he had.

About six months later I had a pretty bad sinus infection and cold. After I was recovering I noticed a little bump on my bikini line. It worried me because at the time I didn't shave. I went to my gynecologist a few weeks later and she informed me that I had HPV. It was hard hitting news and I knew I had to tell my parents. That same day I told them. They were both angry and disappointed. I understood that.

Welcome to a club that includes a bazillion other people who caught it the same way you did: their partner either didn't know or didn't care to be honest about it.

There are worse things to catch.

What I don't understand is that my mom will rub it in my face many times.

That's abusive.

A few weeks after, she was mad at me and yelling that I was lazy and spent all my time on my backside.

So is that.

She also has asked me at least fives times, "Who would want you?"......

...and THAT is CLEARLY over the line.

Recently I have gotten a new boyfriend, who knows about it. We spent the weekend together while my parents were away, and they found out. They were very angry, which I understand, but my moms has started her scathing comments again. About how I "need to get tested because who knows what that boy has", "you need to go to the health department"....and many other unnecessary and hurtful remarks.

Slap the **** out of her next time she does that.

While I realize I made a mistake then, I don't understand why she feels the right to degrade me and use that against me when i do something wrong. It really breaks me a little inside every time she says something like this.

I'm the one who has to live with this condition and the one who is living with it. I don't ***** my self about and act or dress sluttily.

There are also times when she just acts so hateful. She'll yell. Take my cell phone and laptop when she says I "talk back". Which I really don't do.

I just don't know what to do?

I can't move out because I don't have a job and even if I did I couldn't afford an apartment. I can't move in with anyone else like family because they wouldn't take me in and think my parents are just so nice and caring.

I'm just tired and would really like some advice, can anyone help?

Move out. Yes you can and you really should...your mother has some serious boundary issues and I would limit her role as a parent if I were you.

[Strel]

Originally Posted by confused&pained

Well your wording seems kind of harsh.

My parents will not let me get a job.

You are 18. They can't stop you.

My parents are strict. They never ever gave me any kind of sex talk.

And now they complain about the results? Get the hell out of there.

They don't let me do anything. Period. They didn't let me do anything before I got into trouble or after. I don't spend the night at friends house like normal teenagers do because I've never been allowed to.

You are 18. You are an adult. Be one and take charge of your own life.

Having an STD, albeit a more innocuous one, is its own punishment. You don't deserve further punishment for a mistake that you cannot go back in time and undo. It's pointless and cruel.

Number me among those here that are not fans of your parents.

[NJGOAT]

The situation sucks. You learned a hard lesson at a young age, hopefully it will stick. Your parents, more precisely your mom, aren't helping the situation at all and the best thing you could do is get out of there. I'll pass on a little advice about life...it's all about YOU.

YOU are the only one who has the power to change your circumstances and improve your situation. YOU will never change your mom and things will never get better until YOU decide to make them better. There is nothing anyone else can say or do to make YOUR life better.

With that in mind, take responsibility and come up with a plan of action. Assuming you have graduated high school there is nothing holding you back. You are 18, a legal adult and can do what you feel is necessary to improve your life. Maybe that means going to college, maybe that means getting a job, maybe that means joining the military, maybe that means joining the Peace Corp., who knows, it's YOUR decision.

You aren't stuck, the only power other people have over you is the power you allow them to have over you. Think about your options, do your research and make the decision that is best for you and move on with your life.

[OhioChic]

Dont feel bad about having HPV.

Nearly three out of four Americans between the ages of 15 and 49 have been infected with genital HPV in their lifetime.


Most people have it and dont even know it. Dont let anyone put you down.

[zealousmom]

Don't fret. Life is beautiful. Be happy. I want to share this with you.
Here are some changes you can make now to become a happier person:
Be true to yourself
Look to the present, drop the future worry and the past regret
Focus on positives not negatives
Give yourself permission to move forward
Work on your self confidence and self esteem.
Make a list of everything that you are thankful for now in your life

How about trying to join teen boot camps.

This could be the answer to your question, it may help both you and your parents.

[imcurious]

I feel for you. Try not to take the remarks personally, as difficult as that may be. Don't allow your mother to degrade you and harm your self-esteem.

Try to be as respectful as you can be.

If she makes another degrading remark, say something like, "Mom, that really hurts my feelings," and then leave the room. If she is the kind of person who takes pleasure in hurting your feelings, then say something like, "Mom, please don't put me down," and leave the room (or something else that makes sense in your situation). The point is: Don't take any ABUSE . . .from anyone, including your parents.

When tempers flare, leave the room before any damage is done (and say that you don't wish to argue).

In the meantime, just stay away out of their way while being respectful and helpful.

Enjoy the good times with them and try to focus on the good things . . .

[dr74]

Originally Posted by CharlieLovesCarolina

If it was an honest mistake then I apologize. I just found it strange is all.

The bottom line is that you are living in your parents house, eating their food and running up their bills so you are obligated to obey their rules.

There is no excuse for not respecting your parents. By disobeying their rules you are disrespecting them. If you don't like it, then get a job and move out. It's not that difficult.

You said that you don't have a job. Did you pay for the cell phone & laptop? Do you pay for the cell phone bill? If not, then those items are not yours. Why should you be rewarded with laptop & cell phone if you can't respect your parents & obey their rules? Do you expect life to be handed to you on a silver platter? If so, you are in for a for a shock. Life is not easy for anyone and you are setting yourself up for future failure.

There's no excuse for an 18 year old to not to have a job.Why don't you have a summer job? Are you looking for one? Quite frankly, if you are not responsible enough to have a job, you have no business having a boyfriend. What if you get pregnant? How would you support the child? Will you expect your parents to pay for it?

Instead of blaming others for your problems you need to take a hard look at yourself and grow up and make changes. Everyone makes mistakes but it's just completely foolish to continue to make the same mistakes.

Go get a job and take steps to further your education. sign up at a temp agency if you can't find something permanent. Find a place to volunteer at. Helping others will help you to build your self-esteem and get your mind off your problems.

Change is hard but you must do it if you hope to be successful in life.

Wow...This is very harsh...
First of all as strange as you find it this is an open forum and the mods from what I can see do a good job of sifting and sorting..

Second..yes children need to respect their parents however this is a two way street and being emotionally and verbally abusive to one's child is not respecting your child..you as an adult pave the way and reap what you sow...So splitting hairs and drudging up the past to hurt your child is very abusive and not condusive at all..
In regards to every 18 year old needing a job? This is a personal point of view, call a spade a spade..

*side note* As a 16 year old my father told me he would provide what I needed and I if I wanted more I could get a job and this is what I did but this is not ALL kids and NOT all parents..
My nephew never had a job until he was 19...which was okay...so be careful not to generalize..
As far as the OP not having any business having a BF until she gets a job? WHAT? Again a personal pov..and very judgemental...


Directed towards the OP...

I feel that while you have made bad choices you are a good person..EACH AND EVERY ONE OF US falls and falters at least once in their lives to say otherwise is folly...the important thing to keep in mind is to learn from your mistakes..

You are very young and while you are hurting at this point until you get a job more education and get out on your own you need to play by their rules but you do have the right as a human being to be treated with respect and dignity and you need to try and find a way to speak to your parents about this and how much it hurts when things from your past are thrown in your past...

Other than this be conscience of your words and actions because they still are your parents..

Good luck sweety

[rjm1cc]

Originally Posted by confused&pained

My parents don't believe in counseling unfortunately, so I wouldn't know how to pay.

I would think that if you approach a local church they would not charge you. If you reject all the suggestions you will not solve your problem.