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When I first started to SAH my husband came home and told me "I make enough money so that you don't have to wear ripped clothes." He told me that I still had credit cards and that the next day I should go to the mall and get myself something pretty. I felt funny spending money when I wasn't working.
I have adjusted but it was weird at first.
I think I might puke if my husband told me to go to the mall and buy something pretty.
... as long as you are only speaking from your experience and not lumping all SAHM's in with your lazy friends.
I did know one person once who got married and pregnant right out of college so she wouldn't have to go get a job. Yes, there are people like that out there, but they are the exception, not the rule
(in my world, at least).
People like that drive me crazy. In my world they are called "princesses".
Thank you for this. I wanted to post a similar question the other day, but got caught up in all of the drama. Thank you for reminding me about this point.
You are most welcome dear Num.... I think this is a point that a lot of people forget. You know, my daughter was talking to an old school friend whose family moved to Florida. She said the friend's dad is retired from the Coast Guard, draws a really nice retirement pension, his wife works full time, together they make 6-figures per year. The reason this subject came up was that the father asked his son to put in a word for him at Walmart, because he wants to go back to work, making some extra money. Clearly, they need a new tricked-out golf cart.
Where in my post did I associate the women I know with you or anyone on this board? Quit putting words in my mouth.
Why are you taking my posts personally? I wasn't and I am not talking about you or directing my posts at you.
And why do you feel the need to justify your life story and your choices?
Like I said, I was speaking from experience; from knowing women who have quit their jobs because they were lazy to work but blamed it on wanting to be a stay at home parents or housewives. They have admitted to not wanting to work because it was easier to just quit their jobs and stay home.
I still stand by what I said: that all women should have an education before getting out of the workforce, even if they are only taking a year or two off. Having an education is important.
When you come on a parenting board, and post your OP, what are people who stay at home supposed to think? You use words like they, and these women, etc. I would have thought more highly of you if you had said, I know a few women...
There may be one or two women, who stay at home, because it's "easier", that's their right. If they are happy, why are your panties in a wad? Why do you, and so many before you care what other people do? I'm not that bored to be involved and pissed off that someone decided to stay at home. It's not my business if people have legitimate reasons for staying home and/or working. As long as they treat me with respect, I will be respectful of their decision. The minute you insult, imply, or insinuate, you are going to get an earful.
And I still stand by that it's a personal decision that women need to make without condescending comments from the peanut gallery.
I stayed home for 11.5 years. Due to economics, I now have to work full time. We're making less than we were a year ago, but more together than he was for more than 8 years of my SAH time. Our bills are considerably more, because of our 'downturn' - though we're working hard to get those down so that we can go back to our previous, better life - when we were broke, but I didn't work outside the home.
None of us like this - our lives are more hectic, our time off is spent doing chores and running errands. Our kids go to bed later and ask for more one on one time. We have more money and a whole lot less family time.
I always felt that there was significant value on my staying at home. I always knew in my heart that it was better for all of us. Working now has proven that true. I can't imagine having done this when my children were smaller. Having now had the experiences of both, I KNOW what I would've missed. I know what I'm missing now. Those who have not done both, just don't know what they missed.
The BEST part of me working is the time I still put in volunteering for my kids at and with their schools. I haven't cut that down at all. The second best is when I hear other mothers complain at various things that they 'wished they had the time, but they WORK' - and I pipe in, "Yea, me too. 45 hours a week, it's rough to do it all - your daughter mentioned in art last week that you're working part time at Such and Such" - and their faces fall.
our lives are more hectic, our time off is spent doing chores and running errands. Our kids go to bed later and ask for more one on one time. We have more money and a whole lot less family time.
This. To the poster who said SAH was insignificant and all that matters is the SES. How about time? How about stress in a household where everyone is rushed and stressed out and all the chores have to be done after work and on weekends, and time with kids has to be fitted in the 2-3 hours after work along with chores, meals, homework, etc.? How about the fact that babies and toddlers will keep getting sick in daycare, like a previous poster mentioned, never mind then getting the parents sick, who will then have to deal with limited sick days, pissed employers, and possibly having to send a sick child to daycare? To me, that's a huge reason why I wouldn't want to work with a preschooler. Our son is 21 months and, knock on wood, he's only had a handful of minor colds so far, all caught from me or DH. Friends' kids who are in daycare are always in and out of endless flus, ear infections, pneumonia, pinkeye, household bouts of stomach flu, you name it. I've heard of a 6 month old in exclusive daycare who kept constantly getting sick with pneumonia, bronchitis, etc., and has been on numerous cycles of antibiotics - at 6 months old! IMO, protecting a child from that is also an investment in his future and health, perhaps much more so than some amount of savings each month. I'd rather have less money but live a happy and comfortable relaxed life than one that's hectic and stressed. Some people like it and thrive on that kind of adrenaline; I'm not one of them.
This. To the poster who said SAH was insignificant and all that matters is the SES. How about time? How about stress in a household where everyone is rushed and stressed out and all the chores have to be done after work and on weekends, and time with kids has to be fitted in the 2-3 hours after work along with chores, meals, homework, etc.? How about the fact that babies and toddlers will keep getting sick in daycare, like a previous poster mentioned, never mind then getting the parents sick, who will then have to deal with limited sick days, pissed employers, and possibly having to send a sick child to daycare? To me, that's a huge reason why I wouldn't want to work with a preschooler. Our son is 21 months and, knock on wood, he's only had a handful of minor colds so far, all caught from me or DH. Friends' kids who are in daycare are always in and out of endless flus, ear infections, pneumonia, pinkeye, household bouts of stomach flu, you name it. I've heard of a 6 month old in exclusive daycare who kept constantly getting sick with pneumonia, bronchitis, etc., and has been on numerous cycles of antibiotics - at 6 months old! IMO, protecting a child from that is also an investment in his future and health, perhaps much more so than some amount of savings each month. I'd rather have less money but live a happy and comfortable relaxed life than one that's hectic and stressed. Some people like it and thrive on that kind of adrenaline; I'm not one of them.
Do you think it's possible for both parents to work and still have a relaxed, happy, stress free life? Do you assume that parents who work live in dirty houses, eat junk, and have sick kids?
Do you think it's possible for both parents to work and still have a relaxed, happy, stress free life? Do you assume that parents who work live in dirty houses, eat junk, and have sick kids?
Of course it's possible. But I know for myself it wouldn't be possible for me and my family. I know it would stress me out to try to fit in so much into so little time. Generally, if the woman wants to work and is happier doing so, then of course everyone can be happy. But someone who really wants to be a SAHM will likely be stressed if she has to work.
And where did I say working parents live in dirty houses and eat junk?
I said it's more stressful and hectic trying to get everything done crammed into the few evening and weekend hours. Doesn't mean it doesn't get done, just means everyone may be more exhausted by the end of it and have less time for relaxation than when the sahm gets everything done during the week and the weekend is free for family fun time. As to the sick kids, yea, in general, unless the kid is really lucky, they will get sick way way more in daycare, esp. the younger they are, that's just a fact. Of course for parents who can afford a full-time nanny that's not an issue.
Of course it's possible. But I know for myself it wouldn't be possible for me and my family. I know it would stress me out to try to fit in so much into so little time. Generally, if the woman wants to work and is happier doing so, then of course everyone can be happy. But someone who really wants to be a SAHM will likely be stressed if she has to work.
And where did I say working parents live in dirty houses and eat junk?
I said it's more stressful and hectic trying to get everything done crammed into the few evening and weekend hours. Doesn't mean it doesn't get done, just means everyone may be more exhausted by the end of it and have less time for relaxation than when the sahm gets everything done during the week and the weekend is free for family fun time. As to the sick kids, yea, in general, unless the kid is really lucky, they will get sick way way more in daycare, esp. the younger they are, that's just a fact. Of course for parents who can afford a full-time nanny that's not an issue.
Ok, thank you for clarifying that for YOUR family, YOU would be find it more stressful, hectic, and exhausting. Not all families where both parents work find working to have such an effect on their home lives. Lots of families where both parents work share housekeeping or pay someone to do it and enjoy weekends. All kids get sick, unless they're bubble kids. I definitely agree with you- parents who want to stay home should definitely stay home, and those who want to work, should- no guilt for either.
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Clearly, they need a new tricked-out golf cart. 
