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Something doesn't have to be a "need" to be beneficial.
Prove it's beneficial. Where's the benefit of extra time with kids? How has this time improved outcomes? If it was needed, it should be very easy to show improved outcomes because of this extra time.
Seriously, as a teacher, I see kids, every day, who lack the self confidence to even turn a paper in to me for grading without someone's approval. I've started asking my students "Would you like me to pregrade this?" when they try to get me to pre-read and comment on their reports. THEY need to learn to do things on their own. I see them as, almost, crippled by the need for someone elses approval. And Lord help them if they get a low grade. Self esteem crashes. Our kids are so stressed out. They've been competing in this sport and that sport and for grades with their parents pushing them pretty much from the cradle! They need breathing room. I wish kids were like my dd. She'll come to me and tell me she got a bad grade and she'll tell me her plan for pulling her grade up. It's a problem to be fixed but she doesn't stress out over it because she knows I'm not looking over her shoulder. She doesn't need me to pregrade things for her or even help her as she's been doing them on her own for years. My students, obviously, have not been. I see all of this time as resulting in kids needing approval to function. IMO, there is something to be said for kicking the kids out of the house and letting them figure out on their own that jumping off of the monkey bars lands you in the hospital on their own.... Let them skin their knees and figure out how to get up on their own. Don't coach them to get good grades. Don't fix it for them when they have a problem. Let them fix it.
Prove it's beneficial. Where's the benefit of extra time with kids? How has this time improved outcomes? If it was needed, it should be very easy to show improved outcomes because of this extra time.
Seriously, as a teacher, I see kids, every day, who lack the self confidence to even turn a paper in to me for grading without someone's approval. I've started asking my students "Would you like me to pregrade this?" when they try to get me to pre-read and comment on their reports. THEY need to learn to do things on their own. I see them as, almost, crippled by the need for someone elses approval. And Lord help them if they get a low grade. Self esteem crashes. Our kids are so stressed out. They've been competing in this sport and that sport and for grades with their parents pushing them pretty much from the cradle! They need breathing room. I wish kids were like my dd. She'll come to me and tell me she got a bad grade and she'll tell me her plan for pulling her grade up. It's a problem to be fixed but she doesn't stress out over it because she knows I'm not looking over her shoulder. She doesn't need me to pregrade things for her or even help her as she's been doing them on her own for years. My students, obviously, have not been.
spending 47 more minutes doesn't have to equate to hovering!
I'm glad you take so much pride in spending so little time with your kids. Again, mother of the year. In case you didn't get that, it's sarcasm!!!!
Actually, we don't have data on the 2011's...the year is not done...The comparison I've seen is through the 1990's. We seem to be making more and more time for our kids with each passing decade. If the trend were to hold, I'd think that the 2000's will show that we're spending even more than we did in the 1990's. The $50,000 question is do any of our kids need this time?
Well, maybe your daughter did. (See "Boy Crazy" thread.) One of the number one reasons teenaged girls seek inappropriate attention from boys is because they're lacking attention at home. Not that I want to retort to your methods of debate, but it's food for thought.
Prove it's beneficial. Where's the benefit of extra time with kids? How has this time improved outcomes? If it was needed, it should be very easy to show improved outcomes because of this extra time.
Seriously, as a teacher, I see kids, every day, who lack the self confidence to even turn a paper in to me for grading without someone's approval. I've started asking my students "Would you like me to pregrade this?" when they try to get me to pre-read and comment on their reports. THEY need to learn to do things on their own. I see them as, almost, crippled by the need for someone elses approval. And Lord help them if they get a low grade. Self esteem crashes. Our kids are so stressed out. They've been competing in this sport and that sport and for grades with their parents pushing them pretty much from the cradle! They need breathing room. I wish kids were like my dd. She'll come to me and tell me she got a bad grade and she'll tell me her plan for pulling her grade up. It's a problem to be fixed but she doesn't stress out over it because she knows I'm not looking over her shoulder. She doesn't need me to pregrade things for her or even help her as she's been doing them on her own for years. My students, obviously, have not been. I see all of this time as resulting in kids needing approval to function. IMO, there is something to be said for kicking the kids out of the house and letting them figure out on their own that jumping off of the monkey bars lands you in the hospital....
You mean your students actually have the NERVE to ask their teacher for guidance? Imagine that!
Ivory, why does something NEED to be beneficial? I am going to take DD to get her hair done in an hour for her homecoming dance tonight... sure, in the long run it won't "matter". But I'm doing it because I know it will make her feel beautiful. I had kids for a reason- because I wanted to spend time with them and yes, occasionally make them feel special. Is there something wrong with that?
Sorry, but I don't see how kicking your kids out the door at 8am and telling them not to come back until dinner makes you mother of the year...
Prove it's beneficial. Where's the benefit of extra time with kids? How has this time improved outcomes? I
All you seem to care about is outcomes and how well kids do in school. What about relationships?
Quote:
Seriously, as a teacher, I see kids, every day, who lack the self confidence to even turn a paper in to me for grading without someone's approval. I've started asking my students "Would you like me to pregrade this?" when they try to get me to pre-read and comment on their reports. THEY need to learn to do things on their own. I see them as, almost, crippled by the need for someone elses approval. And Lord help them if they get a low grade. Self esteem crashes. Our kids are so stressed out. They've been competing in this sport and that sport and for grades with their parents pushing them pretty much from the cradle! They need breathing room.
I think that has more to do with being in school and being used to working for grades, competing for grades, following directions, etc. then it does with whether or not their Mom was sahm or a wohm. SOME parents push their kids from one activity to another, MOST do not.
Quote:
I wish kids were like my dd. She'll come to me and tell me she got a bad grade and she'll tell me her plan for pulling her grade up. It's a problem to be fixed but she doesn't stress out over it because she knows I'm not looking over her shoulder. She doesn't need me to pregrade things for her or even help her as she's been doing them on her own for years. My students, obviously, have not been. I see all of this time as resulting in kids needing approval to function. IMO, there is something to be said for kicking the kids out of the house and letting them figure out on their own that jumping off of the monkey bars lands you in the hospital on their own.... Let them skin their knees and figure out how to get up on their own. Don't coach them to get good grades. Don't fix it for them when they have a problem. Let them fix it.
So you raised on daughter who is very independent and one who is not. Did you parent them differently or would you say that their dependence is due to inborn personality temperament? What makes you think that other parents don't let their kids make their own mistakes. I honestly don't see the hover parent representing the majority, nor do I see it as pervasive of a problem as you seem to believe it is.
My DD6 is growing up in a neighborhood like that too. Why? Because I put myself out there and got to know my neighbors. Now, my neighborhood is very similar to the one I grew up in even though I am living in a much poorer neighborhood than I grew up in. I was shocked when I first came to C-D and saw what people were writing about my area because they only saw a brief glimpse of the area as they were driving through. They don't know about the neighbors who look out for each other and their kids.
Most of the kids I know (including family members who live in other areas of my state and even out of state) live the same kind of life. I really don't see this big overprotective bubble that some people insist is everywhere. In my life, the overprotected kids are the exception not the rule.
I agree. I think both ends of the extreme are not the rule. Most parents don't hover or neglect.
There are many many factors that determine how a child will "turn out". It simply can't be simplified into how much time a parent spends, or whether or not a parent works. It is completely ridiculous that this argument has gone on this long. There is no "right" answer. No one is going to "win."
Prove it's beneficial. Where's the benefit of extra time with kids? How has this time improved outcomes? If it was needed, it should be very easy to show improved outcomes because of this extra time.
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Again, mother of the year. In case you didn't get that, it's sarcasm!!!!
