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My Brothers kids are a bit wild when they vist me also..
They however do not break things nor flush things down the toilet.
They are at a different house there are new things for them to touch and see, so they do.
I close all the doors in the house and they dont go into any rooms but the bathroom.
My brother is a bit of a hard butt on them and i'm more laid back.
I dont think my Brother remembers what it was like to be a kid, on the other hand i'm kind of a big kid at heart.
If and when they start breaking thing's or try to flush the cat down the toilet..there will be issues.
Kids will be kids and while i'm not condoning their actions.. Maybe they see you and your husband like my Neice and Nephew see me..
As an Uncle and Aunt that they are going to push things with a little more..
They also respect me and I have noticed I never have to raise my voice to them like their Parents do..
While you all keep piling on this poor woman, I would like to tell her that it is NOT as easy as the people in this forum make it sound to essentially tell a family member that their kids are animals and their parenting skills are lacking. Most of the parents I know would take this kind of comment VERY personally. Basically you are all asking the OP to choose her husband over her brother. NOT THAT EASY to make this decision. Guess what is going to happen when she confronts the brother? He will never come visit again and possibly never speak to her again. Otherwise don't you think she would have said something by now?
The only people to blame or excoriate here are parents who don't properly teach their children how to behave, and then create these kinds of huge family dramas/problems. A no-win and very sad situation with no happy solution.
While you all keep piling on this poor woman, I would like to tell her that it is NOT as easy as the people in this forum make it sound to essentially tell a family member that their kids are animals and their parenting skills are lacking. Most of the parents I know would take this kind of comment VERY personally. Basically you are all asking the OP to choose her husband over her brother. NOT THAT EASY to make this decision. Guess what is going to happen when she confronts the brother? He will never come visit again and possibly never speak to her again. Otherwise don't you think she would have said something by now?
The only people to blame or excoriate here are parents who don't properly teach their children how to behave, and then create these kinds of huge family dramas/problems. A no-win and very sad situation with no happy solution.
part of the problem is that the behavior has been allowed up to this point. Now when it is addressed it could cause some hard feeling. It should have been nipped in the bud a long time ago, so the visiting family would know what kind of behavior would be tolerated at future visits.
I can't believe the OP isn't bothered by the behavior in the first place. Who wouldn't be bothered by someone coming and and breaking your stuff and throwing things around. I wonder if the OP is bothered by it, but lets it slide to avoid confrontation with her brother. Up until now she's essentially chosen her brother over her husband, to use your words. That is not ok either.
She doesn't have to say "your kids behave like animals, and you suck as parents for allowing it." She simply needs to lay down some house rules
1) food stays in the kitchen
2) don't slam doors
3) no running in the house
And maybe some breakables could be put away before they come visit.
I think the best way to approach the brother about the kids would be in private. That will go over much better than waiting until something breaks and that finally drives you over the edge and makes you start yelling. I would say that you should take your brother aside and tell him that not only are the kids acting in an unacceptable manner, but that it is causing a strain in your marriage. If you are completely open about how this behavior is affecting you and asking for his help, he is more likely to really see how serious it is than if you or your husband suddenly snap and yell at one of the kids.
Status:
"It's WARY, or LEERY (weary means tired)"
(set 6 days ago)
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
16,101 posts, read 21,235,803 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by chapter119
we don't have kids...
it seems like the first day or 2 the kids are fine, polite, etc. then they let their guard down and start acting like animals...
those kids NEVER EVER behave like they do at our house in their own house.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Penguin_ie
I could understand that behaviour in toddlers- especially running and smearing food- but not in a 5 and 8 year old. That being said, sounds like they are bored. Maybe next time they come, suggest some child friendly outings?
I agree it sounds like some of the behavior might be caused by boredom. Not that it makes their behavior acceptable, but maybe if you can alleviate some of the boredom you might alleviate some of the bad behavior?
They have their own toys and familiar activities at their house to keep them busy and out of mischief. Do you have toys and games, maybe an area set aside for them specifically to play in when they come to visit?
Maybe I'm just remembering my own childhood and visiting the relatives for extended visits.
Going to Grandma B's was torture, "don't touch, be quiet, don't turn the channel, go play outside (where the only thing to do was chase squirrels), behave like little ladies". A couple of days of that and my siblings and I were little holy terrors, fighting, arguing, whining, etc.
Going to Grandma R's was like heaven in comparison. She had a spare bedroom that was 'ours' when we were there. Nothing breakable to watch out for and we had a toy box full of old toys that were new to us, and a shelf of kiddie games. It was okay if we flopped all over the bed or pulled the covers off and made a fort. We were allowed to be kids instead of guests.
We were busy and happy, we left the grownups alone, they were happy.
^ this is true. I wonder if the families are together inside the house all weekend with nothing for the kids to do. If that's the case, of course they'll misbehave. But that is when their parents should intervene and suggest an outing or a walk to the park, or something.
The "smearing food on the furniture" is what eliminated boredom in my mind. I don't care how bored you are. Smearing food on the furniture isn't a sign of "Wish we had something better to do." (And smearing food isn't a few crumbs in the cushion. That I totally understand. Smearing food is a lack of respect for property. Especially when combined with the rest of the mis-behavior.)
I'd love to know how they behave in their own home. My gut says not much better. OP? Any idea?
While you all keep piling on this poor woman, I would like to tell her that it is NOT as easy as the people in this forum make it sound to essentially tell a family member that their kids are animals and their parenting skills are lacking. Most of the parents I know would take this kind of comment VERY personally. Basically you are all asking the OP to choose her husband over her brother. NOT THAT EASY to make this decision. Guess what is going to happen when she confronts the brother? He will never come visit again and possibly never speak to her again. Otherwise don't you think she would have said something by now?
The only people to blame or excoriate here are parents who don't properly teach their children how to behave, and then create these kinds of huge family dramas/problems. A no-win and very sad situation with no happy solution.
Her husband should come before her brother. Its also good not to denegrate a man in his own home.
Her husband should come before her brother. Its also good not to denegrate a man in his own home.
I totally agree....it's not only the kids (who are old enough to know better regardless) but the brother/sister in law (who are allowing it to happen). They are completely disrespecting the OP and her husband.
I'll tell you what.... if this was my home, none of them would be welcome until they learned to respect me, my husband, and my property.
A previous poster said "it's not that easy" or something similar. Bull-dinky! If these 2 children are destroying your property and their parents are just sitting there zoned out, it's very easy. Get up, tell the kids to STOP IT NOW. Then, tell brother and sister in law that you'll have to see them another time and to please leave.
I cannot believe the OP has let it go on this long! Ridiculous!
Like another poster said, I think it is important to put down some ground rules before the visit. If the kids start behaving like animals, something should be said like, "Let's go over the rules again guys."
I'm curious to know how the kids act in the brother's house. Is their house a hovel filled with broken items, food smeared on the furniture, holes in the walls? I know some folks can live this way. Sorry but I can't. While the kids are in my house, they can respect my property.
(One aside: accidents can happen, drinks getting spilled, a door accidently slammed. I'm understanding....to a point)
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