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Since my bro and sis-in-law take everything personally, whether I say it or other relatives, and they think that their kids should not follow other peoples' rules, I don't tell them anything. Instead, at the start of their visit, I tell my neices the house rules. I say that I am very particular, but that is how it it. When they start to misbehave, I don't rely on my brother and sister-in-law, because as I said, they have screwy views about "rules." Instead, I try to nicely discipline them.
This was the norm as I was growing up. When did people get so afraid to take control in their own homes? people have become so wussy.
I have kids and know how they can get. If my kids started behaving like that at someone else's home, we would get up and leave. If people's children were visiting my home and behaved like that and the parents wouldn't intervene to put an end to it, I'd show them the door. Disrespecting my home is disrespecting me. Not to say that I would bust my cork and boot people out the front door over every little thing their kids might do, but you know when you've crossed the line from "kids will be kids" to downright disrespect.
I have kids and know how they can get. If my kids started behaving like that at someone else's home, we would get up and leave. If people's children were visiting my home and behaved like that and the parents wouldn't intervene to put an end to it, I'd show them the door. Disrespecting my home is disrespecting me. Not to say that I would bust my cork and boot people out the front door over every little thing their kids might do, but you know when you've crossed the line from "kids will be kids" to downright disrespect.
I completely agree. A have a friend who was complaining about her niece and nephew coming over and running around messing up her furniture and curtains and pulling out her toddler's toys and leaving them all over the place. These children are 7 and 9, maybe? Old enough to know better. The parents are her husband's brother and his wife. They aren't super-close and they only see them a few times a year, so she says she doesn't want to rock the boat. Whatever. Yu can say "Hey Tommy and Sue, can you help pick up the toys before you leave?" or "Hey guys, don't run between the coach and the curtains. You might hurt yourself. Do you want to go outside?" I'm a very non-confrontational person, but there is no way I would let kids run all over my house making a mess.
NOT NORMAL!!! No one needs to entertain these children! I can't believe one poster even suggested that!
kids who act like this either have - homes where they are not permitted to do anything so they go wild in other people's homes
OR Parents who let them go wild everywhere, because NOT PARENTING is easier than parenting.
I would tell them that the fun is over. If they can't behave the way young guests should behave, see them in a neutral place or at their home. Not yours.
You husband is right and you need to understand that this is his home. You should have respect for your own home and not permit this nonsense to continue.
Yeah! They made it sound like they were ENTITLED to being entertained!! Why didn't the kids bring a Nintendo DS or something to keep themselves entertained!? Nobody is entitled to having their kids entertained!!
Mind you the OP said the kids start out fine and their behavior deteriorates the longer they are at the house. Maybe the kids aren't entitled to being entertained, but OTOH sticking a couple of young kids in a strange environment for days without giving them any way to keep busy is likely to cause the kids to get bored and get into mischief.
Quote:
Originally Posted by chapter119
it seems like the first day or 2 the kids are fine, polite, etc. then they let their guard down and start acting like animals.
Some toys or games so the kids could keep themselves entertained would be a good idea. If the parents are too clueless to provide them then OP might want to keep a few on hand for their visits.
I'm sorry but I really do think the length of the visit makes a difference. It's tough for the average kid to stay on their best behavior for an extended length of time. They need something to keep themselves occupied.
Mind you the OP said the kids start out fine and their behavior deteriorates the longer they are at the house. Maybe the kids aren't entitled to being entertained, but OTOH sticking a couple of young kids in a strange environment for days without giving them any way to keep busy is likely to cause the kids to get bored and get into mischief.
Some toys or games so the kids could keep themselves entertained would be a good idea. If the parents are too clueless to provide them then OP might want to keep a few on hand for their visits.
I'm sorry but I really do think the length of the visit makes a difference. It's tough for the average kid to stay on their best behavior for an extended length of time. They need something to keep themselves occupied.
Agreed however - again, that is the parents' responsibility. It is nice when the host has something or thinks of it but ultimately, the responsiblity falls to the parents to understand their kids' limitations and interests. As well as correcting their behavior when necessary and remembering upon the next visit to prepare for that ahead of time.
Yeah! They made it sound like they were ENTITLED to being entertained!! Why didn't the kids bring a Nintendo DS or something to keep themselves entertained!? Nobody is entitled to having their kids entertained!!
Quote:
Originally Posted by DubbleT
Mind you the OP said the kids start out fine and their behavior deteriorates the longer they are at the house. Maybe the kids aren't entitled to being entertained, but OTOH sticking a couple of young kids in a strange environment for days without giving them any way to keep busy is likely to cause the kids to get bored and get into mischief.
Some toys or games so the kids could keep themselves entertained would be a good idea. If the parents are too clueless to provide them then OP might want to keep a few on hand for their visits.
I'm sorry but I really do think the length of the visit makes a difference. It's tough for the average kid to stay on their best behavior for an extended length of time. They need something to keep themselves occupied.
The kids were entertaining themselves... by throwing things, breaking things, and slamming doors.
If they visit 3-4 times/year like the OP said, it should be obvious to the OP and to the parents that whatever they're doing is not working. When family comes to visit, I plan outings for us. I don't want all these people cooped up in my house all weekend. If the OP isn't doing that, she should be. The parents should bring some things to entertain the kids, but they need to get outside and run around. Handing them a video game isn't going to last very long. I can't believe this has been going on, but none of the adults bothers to change what they're doing. I'm still curious to know if they are all just hanging around the house all day, or if they get out and do things.
It's pretty hard to bring children into an adult environment and expect them to behave. That said, the parents are responsible for ensuring that their children behave. Throwing things? Running through the house? Unacceptable behavior, and can get them hurt. If the parents don't/won't take responsibility, it is up to you and your husband, as a team, to speak to first the parents, then if they won't do anything, invite them to leave.
We get children of all ages over here all of the time; but we can usually keep them entertained - outside, where the farm and animals are. We have a niece who visits occasionally with her young brood, and she respects our home and us, and won't allow them to misbehave. Other kids come over from the neighborhood, and we play/learn/work outside, so that they can run to their hearts' content without hurting anything or themselves. If the children who come over are "wound up", they need to be taken somewhere - a park, a motel swimming pool, even to a McDonald's with an outside play area - where they can run off that energy without destroying your property. It's about teaching respect for other peoples' boundaries and possessions.
The whole key here from what I'm reading is that your husband wants to tell them to respect him and your property, and you don't want to require that respect. Unless you two are together in laying down the ground rules, and are both willing to face the brother/SIL up front, before the behavior begins, and tell them to respect your home or find a motel, then you are being used - and agreeing to it.
No wonder you have high blood pressure! "The definition of stress - not being able to choke the life out of someone who desperately needs it!"
Guess what is going to happen when she confronts the brother? He will never come visit again and possibly never speak to her again. Otherwise don't you think she would have said something by now?
You say that like it's a bad thing. The brother is clearly in the wrong. Not only is he letting his kids run wild, he then insults the OP's husband by calling him a "jerk" for asking for decent behavior in his own home.
I come from a highly dysfunctional family. One thing I've learned is that if people are going to cut you off for setting and enforcing perfectly reasonable boundaries, the relationship is often not worth it. I'm estranged from my brother because I tried to set some reasonable boundaries with him and my sister-in-law regarding my relationship with my mother. Yes, it hurt and it was painful. It's taken me about 2 years to deal with the pain. But life went on and it turned out to be a good thing for me in the long run because I finally found a good therapist and I've learned a lot about how to set and enforce boundaries. Which has had an excellent ripple effect in other areas of my life. I'm much more assertive and I don't let things fester as much because I deal with conflict in the beginning now, instead of letting it escalate to where I lose my temper. It's not easy and I still struggle with it, but things are much better than they were.
Another thing is that when it comes to pleasing dysfunctional people, we often don't realize just how much time & energy we spend doing so. Another effect of the estrangement is that I'm not constantly walking around on eggshells worrying about what they will think.
Last edited by nokids4me; 07-10-2011 at 06:24 AM..
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The brother is clearly in the wrong. Not only is he letting his kids run wild, he then insults the OP's husband by calling him a "jerk" for asking for decent behavior in his own home.
