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OP, this is not going to help you (sorry), but I really, really do not like family names.
A baby is a new person starting his or her own unique life and shouldn't have to go around saddled with Great Aunt Matilda's name or Great Grandpa Eugene's name. (or whatever).
When I was pregnant with my DD I was pressured IMMENSELY by my MIL to name DD after her.
The name itself was OK (I didn't hate it or anything), but no way in God's Green Earth was I going to name my daughter after my MIL. Never mind that my MIL's own daughter didn't name HER DD after the MIL. Half way through the pregnancy I told MIL it was not going to be the name. I heard about it for two years after DD was born! I finally told her that it was going to alienate my mother, and then I didn't hear about it anymore.
OP, if it were me, I couldn't bear to name my child a name I really had an aversion just to honor that bargain. (Which was not the smartest bargain to make).
When you are in the hospital, and the social security person calls you to get the name of your baby, it is the mother who gives that information, not the father. Until you are married to the father, I think it is legally your right to name the baby. (Someone please correct that if I am mistaken). However, to go against your fiancee like that is probably not a smart move either.
As far as a name on a resume, Clarence is a lot better than Jace.
I feel the EXACT same way as you. No one in my extended family does this... It wasn't until I met my fiance, did I meet a group of men that do this. I too want the child to have his own legacy and I think naming the child after the father, takes away of the creativity and fun of naming the baby. I feel sort of robbed of that experience. I've thought about just putting the name I want on the birth certificate but it would cause HUGE issues between us and I don't think it would be forgivable. There is a lot of history behind his grandfathers name. And his grandfather passed away a few years ago, and my fiance did not take that well. I guess he just wants to keep the legacy going.
If you knew up front that his family traditionally names first born boys after the dads, and that your fiance-his dad-grandad and so on all have the same name, then this exact discussion should have been held long before you ever got pregnant.
By becoming engaged and then getting pregnant without protesting about continuing the traditions, you tacitly agreed to continuing that tradition. Had you brought that up before either of those things occurred, then you could have had a rational discussion about how to choose a name. It's not like he just up and said the other day...oh by the way we all have the same name and my son will too.
What if this baby had been a girl and the name you were determined to choose was vehemently opposed by your fiance? Would you stand firm and say that YOU were choosing the name? Would you argue that it was YOUR right to name a girl whatever you wanted whether or not he agreed? Or would you back off the name of your dreams and compromise by choosing an altogether different name?
Having said that while Clarence is an old fashioned name it is the name of many outstanding men.
Ever heard of Clarence Darrow, a famous lawyer who was a big part of the ACLU?
Or Clarence Thomas, Assistant Justice of the Supreme Court?
Or Clarence Weatherspoon, NBA player?
Or Clarence Clemons, musician and actor?
There are numerous athletes with the name of Clarence, along with many other famous men within their realms of being.
One link that lists many celebrities named Clarence is here: BabyNameFacts.com - famous people with the name CLARENCE
Personally I just can't imagine loving a man so much that I want to marry him and have a child with him, yet hold such disgust for his name.
This is a good point. I think my dad is just saying that to get me to name the kid something else. My dad has been telling me for the longest to name the baby Stokley. Which is an uglier to me than Clarence. But he told that Stokley sounds better?
My mom wants me to name the baby Leland.
So it could be that they both just have their own agendas and really just want me to name the baby what they want. My mom is insistent that I name the baby Leland. That is completely different story though.
I feel pulled in several different directions.
I like Clarence a million times better then Leland or Stokley.
By becoming engaged and then getting pregnant without protesting about continuing the traditions, you tacitly agreed to continuing that tradition. Had you brought that up before either of those things occurred, then you could have had a rational discussion about how to choose a name. It's not like he just up and said the other day...oh by the way we all have the same name and my son will too.
Excellent post, really excellent. Love the examples of the famous Clarences.
However, you seem to be forgetting that rational discussions can go out the window when you are dealing with baby mama hormones and all of that.
My DH and I agreed on a boy name before we got pregnant. Once I was actually pregnant with DS, though, I absolutely refused to use that name and we went with the name I chose.
Fortunately DH is an easy going man....
Sometimes there is no reasoning with a pregnant woman!
If you knew up front that his family traditionally names first born boys after the dads, and that your fiance-his dad-grandad and so on all have the same name, then this exact discussion should have been held long before you ever got pregnant.
By becoming engaged and then getting pregnant without protesting about continuing the traditions, you tacitly agreed to continuing that tradition. Had you brought that up before either of those things occurred, then you could have had a rational discussion about how to choose a name. It's not like he just up and said the other day...oh by the way we all have the same name and my son will too.
What if this baby had been a girl and the name you were determined to choose was vehemently opposed by your fiance? Would you stand firm and say that YOU were choosing the name? Would you argue that it was YOUR right to name a girl whatever you wanted whether or not he agreed? Or would you back off the name of your dreams and compromise by choosing an altogether different name?
Having said that while Clarence is an old fashioned name it is the name of many outstanding men.
Ever heard of Clarence Darrow, a famous lawyer who was a big part of the ACLU?
Or Clarence Thomas, Assistant Justice of the Supreme Court?
Or Clarence Weatherspoon, NBA player?
Or Clarence Clemons, musician and actor?
There are numerous athletes with the name of Clarence, along with many other famous men within their realms of being.
One link that lists many celebrities named Clarence is here: BabyNameFacts.com - famous people with the name CLARENCE
Personally I just can't imagine loving a man so much that I want to marry him and have a child with him, yet hold such disgust for his name.
I didn't honestly think about the "naming" part when I thought about babies, because as naive as it sounds I always assumed my first baby would be a girl(to which I had several names picked out, and so did he). We both thought this baby was going to be a girl.
Now on hindsight I do realize that the name discussion was probably more important than I thought. We had always covered parenting, our philosophies, etc, etc, prior to the pregnancy. we never talked about names.
Hmmm, I'm not sure what I would have done had he been against the name I chose for the girl. But knowing me I'm sure I would have tried my best to compromise. Usually he compromises as well, but for some reason with this name he is not willing to. It's bizarre really.
TBH I never thought Clarence was a horrible name. We actually call him Lee, since he is a third. So I never really called him by Clarence or thought about Clarence. It's always been "Lee". It wasn't until I started telling people that Clarence Lee would be the name, and got negative reactions that I started feeling embarrassed and yucky about the name. I mean not a one person I know likes this name. I just feel like I'm not getting support. It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character."
And then I have my mom on the other hand, telling EVERYONE she knows, "The baby's name is Leland. Leland is going places." She tells this to everybody, even though I've told her several times that this may not be the baby's name.
My sister in law cringed and said, "Name the baby Jace, or Jaxxon. Clarence isn't a cute name"
Maybe that's the real problem? It's not necessarily the name that I'm bothered by, but the lack of support, and feeling as if people are saying that Clarence won't go places, or that Clarence is not a good enough name. And maybe that's why I feel that way about the name now?
I didn't honestly think about the "naming" part when I thought about babies, because as naive as it sounds I always assumed my first baby would be a girl(to which I had several names picked out, and so did he). We both thought this baby was going to be a girl.
Now on hindsight I do realize that the name discussion was probably more important than I thought. We had always covered parenting, our philosophies, etc, etc, prior to the pregnancy. we never talked about names.
Hmmm, I'm not sure what I would have done had he been against the name I chose for the girl. But knowing me I'm sure I would have tried my best to compromise. Usually he compromises as well, but for some reason with this name he is not willing to. It's bizarre really.
TBH I never thought Clarence was a horrible name. We actually call him Lee, since he is a third. So I never really called him by Clarence or thought about Clarence. It's always been "Lee". It wasn't until I started telling people that Clarence Lee would be the name, and got negative reactions that I started feeling embarrassed and yucky about the name. I mean not a one person I know likes this name. I just feel like I'm not getting support. It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character."
And then I have my mom on the other hand, telling EVERYONE she knows, "The baby's name is Leland. Leland is going places." She tells this to everybody, even though I've told her several times that this may not be the baby's name.
My sister in law cringed and said, "Name the baby Jace, or Jaxxon. Clarence isn't a cute name"
Maybe that's the real problem? It's not necessarily the name that I'm bothered by, but the lack of support, and feeling as if people are saying that Clarence won't go places, or that Clarence is not a good enough name. And maybe that's why I feel that way about the name now?
I didn't honestly think about the "naming" part when I thought about babies, because as naive as it sounds I always assumed my first baby would be a girl(to which I had several names picked out, and so did he). We both thought this baby was going to be a girl.
Now on hindsight I do realize that the name discussion was probably more important than I thought. We had always covered parenting, our philosophies, etc, etc, prior to the pregnancy. we never talked about names.
Hmmm, I'm not sure what I would have done had he been against the name I chose for the girl. But knowing me I'm sure I would have tried my best to compromise. Usually he compromises as well, but for some reason with this name he is not willing to. It's bizarre really.
TBH I never thought Clarence was a horrible name. We actually call him Lee, since he is a third. So I never really called him by Clarence or thought about Clarence. It's always been "Lee". It wasn't until I started telling people that Clarence Lee would be the name, and got negative reactions that I started feeling embarrassed and yucky about the name. I mean not a one person I know likes this name. I just feel like I'm not getting support. It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character."
And then I have my mom on the other hand, telling EVERYONE she knows, "The baby's name is Leland. Leland is going places." She tells this to everybody, even though I've told her several times that this may not be the baby's name.
My sister in law cringed and said, "Name the baby Jace, or Jaxxon. Clarence isn't a cute name"
Maybe that's the real problem? It's not necessarily the name that I'm bothered by, but the lack of support, and feeling as if people are saying that Clarence won't go places, or that Clarence is not a good enough name. And maybe that's why I feel that way about the name now?
Ahhhh, your hormones are just flowing. Don't discuss it with anyone anymore. Who needs the stress. If your family and friends are doing this over the name they are going to drive you insane when the baby arrives. They are going to critique every move you make with your child and tell you that you're doing it wrong.
This baby is your and your fiance's, not your parents, your SIL's' or your friend's. What I do think is "country" or tacky is to make disparaging remarks about the name other people choose for their baby. Tell people to back off and you'll let them know when you and your fiance have made the decision.
'Cute' isn't what you want on a resume.
Jace, Jaxxon, Stokley aren't all the great. Leland is a bit better. Clarence is a nice solid old fashioned name that will look just fine on a resume, makes me think of a CPA or a banker, something studious.
---------------------------------------------------------
Clarence Sr.
Clarence Jr.
Clarence II
Clarence III - your son would be the one entitled to the Tres, Trey, or Trip nickname. Does that sound a little more trendy to you?
Depending on how and where your BF grew up, dropping the family naming tradition is a huge deal.
Last edited by DubbleT; 07-19-2011 at 10:40 PM..
Reason: lost a C
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It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character." 
