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Maybe this is because I don't have kids but...
I can't imagine someone willing to have sex with someone named Clarence, but not willing to give that same name to their own child.
Do you pretend your man has a different name when you sleep with him at night? Did you pretend he had a different name when you conceived your son?
I think it's shameful that you have such disdain for the name of the man you love. If the name was THAT offensive to you that you'd insult your mate, then you never should have opened your bed for the man who bears that name in the first place.
It would be a much tougher call if there hadn't been an agreement. Then I think a compromise involving middle names would be very appropriate.
In this situation though I can see why he's standing his ground. Apparently he is normally very open to compromise so it's not that he's some controlling d'bag.
Perhaps he feels if he doesn't stick up for himself now his fiance's family will walk all over his feelings with regards to everything to do with raising the baby.
This is a good point. I can see why that would be a very real concern. It's important in any marriage/partnership that the husband and wife be a team that works things out on their own, not with parents and family members butting their way in or with the couple trying to rally others to their team whenever there's disagreement. That space between the couple and their families of origin is so critical.
***First, I think it was stupid to say I get the girl, you get the boy. Sorry.
***Second, I wouldn't give 2 CRAPS who hated a name I picked for child, as long as I like it. That goes for my mom and dad. I have 2 boys. If I ever have a girl, I would name her Charlotte. EVERYONE hates that name, on my side AND my husbands. I don't care. Not their kid. However, my husband hates it too, so then I won't be picking that name. WE will compromise.
***Third, a parent CAN'T pick a name where one parent HATES it. That's the bottom line. A parent will have that child's name for the rest of their life (child and parent), will be calling the child that, writing it...it just wouldn't work. If you honestly hate it due to your own opinion (and not Mommy's and Daddy's), then just put your foot down, stop whining to your husband, and just say "I don't like that name, and we are NOT naming the child Clarence. That's it". Really, not too much he can do about it. Besides divorce you.
***Fourth, a marriage takes two. That means a joining of minds. It's an aggreeance of a name, not one's choice.
Still, you shouldn't have made that dumb agreement of you boy, me girl...........but that's in the past. I would just own up that I was stupid, wasn't thinking straight, the pregnancy hormones went to my brain and I absolutely do not like Clarence so we cannot name a child that unless we both like a name. However, I highly suggest to use Clarence as a middle name.
As a wife, you should care about his traditions. So name the child Clarence....as a middle name. As a husband, he should care about your opinions and should compromise on naming Clarence as a middle name.
I liked the name Cameron, and Elijah. When I told my mom about those names a couple of weeks ago. She cringed too and said she didn't like him. I just don't know. :-( I probably just need to stand up to both of them, but whenever I tell her I'm not naming the baby Leland she looks hurt. She also loves to talk to him(through my stomach) and that is what she calls him and tells everyone his name is. I love my mom, and she is been so helpful during the pregnancy--and I guess it just is upsetting that she won't just let me name the baby whatever I choose. Also when she thought I was having a girl, she told me she wanted me to name the baby Dory.
Maybe I'm coming off as weak-minded and that is why everyone feels the need to tell me names?
Your parents are waaaay overstepping their boundaries here. You're going to have to stand up to them and tell them that you and your fiance will be choosing the name and will tell them what it is after the baby is born. Then change the subject if they bring it up again.
The more I think about Clarence as a name, the more I like it. It's strong and traditional and not so "out there" that people will do a double-take when they hear it. And it will be no time at all til it's just your son's name. And, FWIW I think it's a much better name that Jaxxon or Stokely. I like Leland, probably because I have a friend named that, but it doesn't strike me as The Best Name Ever.
I think you should tell you fiance that you've decided it's a good tradition and you want to follow it and then spend some time thinking about good nicknames, if you decide to go that route. Or, just embrace Clarence and be done with it.
Good luck with your pregnancy and delivery! May this be the biggest problem you have....
I liked the name Cameron, and Elijah. When I told my mom about those names a couple of weeks ago. She cringed too and said she didn't like him. I just don't know. :-( I probably just need to stand up to both of them, but whenever I tell her I'm not naming the baby Leland she looks hurt. She also loves to talk to him(through my stomach) and that is what she calls him and tells everyone his name is. I love my mom, and she is been so helpful during the pregnancy--and I guess it just is upsetting that she won't just let me name the baby whatever I choose. Also when she thought I was having a girl, she told me she wanted me to name the baby Dory.
Maybe I'm coming off as weak-minded and that is why everyone feels the need to tell me names?
Your mom doesn't have a choice! You are pregnant, and about to be married - you do not need permission to do what you wish. Your mom doesn't have to "let" you; you can just do it! She can be hurt, and she will survive that. If you're afraid your relationship with her won't survive that... well, it might be time for some distance from mom!
Being a parent means YOU ARE the parent now. Be the parent of your child, not the child of your mom. "The baby's name is NOT Leland. Feel free to get a puppy or baby doll, and name them Leland. This is our child, not yours." OK, that might be a little harsh - but draw that boundary!
Maybe a compromise is in order, i remember having a similar problem when naming our first daughter, my wife wanted to name her after her mom (Janet) and i wanted to name her after my mom (Nelle).
Well Janelle just turned 21 and very much likes the name we gave her..
Hello everyone.
Just an update. My fiance and I finally talked about the name thing today. He told me not to ever talk badly about his grandfathers name again. He said, he knows I don't like the name, and he understands that, but that I need to keep my opinions to myself about it. He said that the only reason he wanted to give his son that name, is because his grandfather was one of the greatest men that he's known. I actually found an article online about all the things his grandfather did--so understandbly I can see why my boyfriend was upset. He thought it was inappropriate that I said the name was "ugly" and that I was so mean about it. And basically said he doesn't want to ever hear me say anything like that again.
That being said, he said yes he wanted to give his son his grandfather's name, but if I am that against it, then I can just name the baby whatever I want. Now I feel too guilty though. Gah.I feel like really bad for insulting his grandfathers name. And it was also inappropriate when I brought it up--he was at a funeral repass when I called him and told we needed a new name. I don't know why I did that--now that I think about it. I feel like so guilty that now I just feel like maybe I should just let him name his son Clarence. He told me doesn't want us to fight over this issue, and just to name the baby whatever I want, but I feel like it isn't really fair to him. You know?
Maybe this is because I don't have kids but...
I can't imagine someone willing to have sex with someone named Clarence, but not willing to give that same name to their own child.
Do you pretend your man has a different name when you sleep with him at night? Did you pretend he had a different name when you conceived your son?
I think it's shameful that you have such disdain for the name of the man you love. If the name was THAT offensive to you that you'd insult your mate, then you never should have opened your bed for the man who bears that name in the first place.
Learn to love the name. That's my advice.
We call him "Lee" not clarence. and the name did NOT bother me at all, until my parents told me it wasn't a good name. Up until then I was indifferent to it.
I guess you'd better decide how important your fiance is to you. If your parent's thoughts on the name of a baby you created with this man are more important than the father of your baby, you are too immature to be married. Or to be a parent to be honest. Sad. I don't know that you should feel guilty...you should feel ashamed though.
We call him "Lee" not clarence. and the name did NOT bother me at all, until my parents told me it wasn't a good name. Up until then I was indifferent to it.
then you should still be indifferent to it. No, not indifferent, you should be proud of it because you know how much it means to your fiance, and why. When your family said they didn't like it, you should have come to your fiance's defense, not sided with your family against him. We can all tell you that a hundred times, but the fact that you didn't automatically do it in the first place is worrisome. I really hope you don't pick some random name now just because he said you could.
ETA my son's middle name is Lee. I never ever thought about it sounding "country" or not being my favorite name. I knew it meant the world to my husband and to his grandfather to use that name, and I never once questioned it.
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