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Hello everyone.
Just an update. My fiance and I finally talked about the name thing today. He told me not to ever talk badly about his grandfathers name again. He said, he knows I don't like the name, and he understands that, but that I need to keep my opinions to myself about it. He said that the only reason he wanted to give his son that name, is because his grandfather was one of the greatest men that he's known. I actually found an article online about all the things his grandfather did--so understandbly I can see why my boyfriend was upset. He thought it was inappropriate that I said the name was "ugly" and that I was so mean about it. And basically said he doesn't want to ever hear me say anything like that again.
That being said, he said yes he wanted to give his son his grandfather's name, but if I am that against it, then I can just name the baby whatever I want. Now I feel too guilty though. Gah.I feel like really bad for insulting his grandfathers name. And it was also inappropriate when I brought it up--he was at a funeral repass when I called him and told we needed a new name. I don't know why I did that--now that I think about it. I feel like so guilty that now I just feel like maybe I should just let him name his son Clarence. He told me doesn't want us to fight over this issue, and just to name the baby whatever I want, but I feel like it isn't really fair to him. You know?
I think you need to respect your fiance's feelings and quit worrying about what your family thinks. I don't blame him for being hurt and upset. You said that the name didn't bother you until other people started commenting on it. I can understand you being a little hurt about their reactions, but you also know the meaning behind that name, and as previous posters mentioned, you should have stood up for it. It sounds like you have a very loving and kind fiance for him to say you can name the baby whatever you want, and put his own feelings aside. But don't think that he's not going to carry some resentment over that. It might go a long way in the future of your marriage if you could put your FAMILY'S feelings aside and do what would make him the happiest, as he would do for you.
Hello everyone.
Just an update. My fiance and I finally talked about the name thing today. He told me not to ever talk badly about his grandfathers name again. He said, he knows I don't like the name, and he understands that, but that I need to keep my opinions to myself about it. He said that the only reason he wanted to give his son that name, is because his grandfather was one of the greatest men that he's known. I actually found an article online about all the things his grandfather did--so understandbly I can see why my boyfriend was upset. He thought it was inappropriate that I said the name was "ugly" and that I was so mean about it. And basically said he doesn't want to ever hear me say anything like that again.
That being said, he said yes he wanted to give his son his grandfather's name, but if I am that against it, then I can just name the baby whatever I want. Now I feel too guilty though. Gah.I feel like really bad for insulting his grandfathers name. And it was also inappropriate when I brought it up--he was at a funeral repass when I called him and told we needed a new name. I don't know why I did that--now that I think about it. I feel like so guilty that now I just feel like maybe I should just let him name his son Clarence. He told me doesn't want us to fight over this issue, and just to name the baby whatever I want, but I feel like it isn't really fair to him. You know?
I don't think you need to decide yet about the name. Just let it be for a while. But:
1. Apologize to your fiance. You said some humble things here, so go tell him! It won't be the last time you have to make amends ... we all have to do it once in a while.
2. Remember this lesson and don't let anybody come between you again. This is what forsaking all others is. It's hard sometimes but it's worth it.
3. When you figure out your baby's name, let us know! But like I said, let it go for now. You will decide on a name when you decide on a name.
We call him "Lee" not clarence. and the name did NOT bother me at all, until my parents told me it wasn't a good name. Up until then I was indifferent to it.
I would try to be a LOT more worried about your fiancee. He's the one you're having a baby with, and he's the one you're supposed to be getting ready to share your life with! Your parents feelings should not be your first priority in this instance.
I think you two should seriously reconsider getting married--but that is another thread.
Use Clarence as a middle name and give the kid a different first name or reverse the names to Lee Clarence?
Or at least take a long, hard look at your actions here. The way you've handled this hasn't been very mature, or respectful toward your future spouse. You've allowed your family's opinions to sway your own, created a great deal of drama where none was necessary, and insulted your husband's name and in doing so his grandfather. You made a deal you didn't want to keep, and then demanded 'compromise' when you lost- when the deal itself WAS a form of compromise.
And again, this is how it starts- this is the foundation of your marriage. Do you want it to be based on mutual support and respect, or drama and cowing to the in-laws?
Hello everyone.
Just an update. My fiance and I finally talked about the name thing today. He told me not to ever talk badly about his grandfathers name again. He said, he knows I don't like the name, and he understands that, but that I need to keep my opinions to myself about it. He said that the only reason he wanted to give his son that name, is because his grandfather was one of the greatest men that he's known. I actually found an article online about all the things his grandfather did--so understandbly I can see why my boyfriend was upset. He thought it was inappropriate that I said the name was "ugly" and that I was so mean about it. And basically said he doesn't want to ever hear me say anything like that again.
That being said, he said yes he wanted to give his son his grandfather's name, but if I am that against it, then I can just name the baby whatever I want. Now I feel too guilty though. Gah.I feel like really bad for insulting his grandfathers name. And it was also inappropriate when I brought it up--he was at a funeral repass when I called him and told we needed a new name. I don't know why I did that--now that I think about it. I feel like so guilty that now I just feel like maybe I should just let him name his son Clarence. He told me doesn't want us to fight over this issue, and just to name the baby whatever I want, but I feel like it isn't really fair to him. You know?
So, the thing that is key for me is actually a post a few after this where you said that you didn't even dislike the name until your parents started getting involved. You were okay with it before. That's really important. Your parents don't get a vote. Period. They don't get a vote in anything you do with your child. That is between you and your child's father. All your parents get to do is be informed of your decisions after they're made. If you have pushy parents (it sounds like it), then this will be more of a challenge. You'll have to work very hard to set up appropriate boundaries with them so they can't elbow their way in. It may mean keeping some things closer to your chest if you know they like to exploit any weakness.
It sounds to me like this has been a very painful thing for your fiance. He has spelled out why he is hurt. He loved and respected his grandfather and the things you said and the timing of them (when he was at the funeral) really hurt him. He is willing to let you do as you want, but really, I think you are being tested here, in a way. He is not forcing your hand. He is saying if you really hate it, you can do something else. But if you choose to go with what your parents pressured you into (not even your own opinion) instead of honoring the feelings of the man who you are marrying and who is the father of this child, that would send a very hurtful message--perhaps even the message that you two should not get married because he would never have a voice and your parents would always control your lives like you were puppets on a string. No man wants to marry into that situation. Show him you are ready to be a wife and mother, not just a daughter.
I think it's time to heal this. I would apologize to your fiance and move forward with the future you have together. Your parents are part of your past and will always be a part of your life, but he is your future and this is your baby together. That must take priority.
He isn't willing to make a compromise at all. He said that I could give the baby a nickname and call him that nickname, but that's it. I sort of knew that he might name the baby this name--but also figured that it was a girl. I also didn't think that many people would think the name is ugly. I'm just embarrassed. We already call my fiance Lee... So at this point not sure what to call the baby, beyond a nickname. I don't know what to do, because my mom and dad both told me not to name the baby this name. They don't think he'll be able to get jobs, or anything because it sounds country. And they said they feel sorry for the baby for being named that name. I mean I don't know. The name is bad to me, but not that bad. But everyone just cringes when I mention that name.
He might be able to get a job. There's a guy named Clarence on the Supreme Court.
I didn't honestly think about the "naming" part when I thought about babies, because as naive as it sounds I always assumed my first baby would be a girl(to which I had several names picked out, and so did he). We both thought this baby was going to be a girl.
Now on hindsight I do realize that the name discussion was probably more important than I thought. We had always covered parenting, our philosophies, etc, etc, prior to the pregnancy. we never talked about names.
Hmmm, I'm not sure what I would have done had he been against the name I chose for the girl. But knowing me I'm sure I would have tried my best to compromise. Usually he compromises as well, but for some reason with this name he is not willing to. It's bizarre really.
TBH I never thought Clarence was a horrible name. We actually call him Lee, since he is a third. So I never really called him by Clarence or thought about Clarence. It's always been "Lee". It wasn't until I started telling people that Clarence Lee would be the name, and got negative reactions that I started feeling embarrassed and yucky about the name. I mean not a one person I know likes this name. I just feel like I'm not getting support. It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character."
And then I have my mom on the other hand, telling EVERYONE she knows, "The baby's name is Leland. Leland is going places." She tells this to everybody, even though I've told her several times that this may not be the baby's name.
My sister in law cringed and said, "Name the baby Jace, or Jaxxon. Clarence isn't a cute name"
Maybe that's the real problem? It's not necessarily the name that I'm bothered by, but the lack of support, and feeling as if people are saying that Clarence won't go places, or that Clarence is not a good enough name. And maybe that's why I feel that way about the name now?
Ummm, and you think goofy names like THAT are going to make favorable impressions on resumes????
Hello everyone.
Just an update. My fiance and I finally talked about the name thing today. He told me not to ever talk badly about his grandfathers name again. He said, he knows I don't like the name, and he understands that, but that I need to keep my opinions to myself about it. He said that the only reason he wanted to give his son that name, is because his grandfather was one of the greatest men that he's known. I actually found an article online about all the things his grandfather did--so understandbly I can see why my boyfriend was upset. He thought it was inappropriate that I said the name was "ugly" and that I was so mean about it. And basically said he doesn't want to ever hear me say anything like that again.
That being said, he said yes he wanted to give his son his grandfather's name, but if I am that against it, then I can just name the baby whatever I want. Now I feel too guilty though. Gah.I feel like really bad for insulting his grandfathers name. And it was also inappropriate when I brought it up--he was at a funeral repass when I called him and told we needed a new name. I don't know why I did that--now that I think about it. I feel like so guilty that now I just feel like maybe I should just let him name his son Clarence. He told me doesn't want us to fight over this issue, and just to name the baby whatever I want, but I feel like it isn't really fair to him. You know?
You already know what needs to be done. Apologize and accept that your son will be named after a person very dear to your future husband.
A few months after the baby is born and you've gotten to know the baby by a nickname it really won't matter what name is on his birth certificate.
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They don't think he'll be able to get jobs, or anything because it sounds country. And they said they feel sorry for the baby for being named that name. I mean I don't know. The name is bad to me, but not that bad. But everyone just cringes when I mention that name.
It doesn't help that tonight right before I talked to my fiance, my dad told me "Please don't name your baby Clarence. He will not be able to get a job. It's country. And it's not a good name. Name him Stokley. Stokley has character." 
