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I was out at 18. My dad actually removed the wall making the four bedroom into a 3 bedroom. He broke my plate as he bragged about doing for the previous 18 years. Imagine hearing each day of your life he wanted a dog instead of a son.
How horrible for you. I am sorry you were treated so badly. I'm surprised you waited till you were 18 to leave! Do you two have any relationship now?
No, not that $25K. I used that an example. If the 18 year old moves out with almost nothing in the bank they he/she will struggle for years to come unless he/she has a decent job and is good with budget 101.
Why should the parents make the kids struggle? In the Asian culture, kids take care of their parents instead of throwing them in retirement home.
This is something to consider. We will all hopefully get to a ripe old age one day but what if for some reason our finances dry up, or something terrible happens to our retirement fund like it has for millions of retirees in the U.S. Adult parents moving in with their adult children is on the rise people. Do you want your kids to put you into a state run facility, go homeless when you can't pay your mortgage anymore and you are on social security?
I personally have cried years in advance knowing that day would come that my only child would leave home. No matter what he puts me through, I am still having trouble coming to terms of him moving out and away. I did not know anyone kicked out because they turned 18. 18 was not considered an adult when I was growing up. 21, yes, but not 18. It is just a number and everyone's development is different. Be kind to your kids, you may need them someday.
There are parents who bought their children new cars and 100% college paid and on top of this, they did not have to work too lol
I am trying to understand why you are asking these things and interjecting such provocative comments.
The US of A, which my father faithfully served, for many years, is founded on freedom to live as you would. It is wonderful if generations of families can live together giving the best opportunity to the offspring to excel and have great lives.. We all do it differently.. many or us like "to do our own thing'' I went to college at 16, because I skipped a few grades, I never lived at home again. I was not kicked out.
We bought our son a Volvo with 300 thousand miles on it, we did pay for college, he did work during the summer, but then got a fellowship. So he was lucky to have no school loans to repay.
We do what we can for our kids, families are all different, I would have loved to live near my grandparents, I was a marine corps brat, so we moved all over the globe. I revere my parents and grandparents, all gone except my 88 year old mom who lives by herself and wants it that way.
They can still get a job while staying home and chip with to help you pay the bills. This benefit both parites. So its a win-win situation. I just brought up $25K as an example.
You, poor soul, you do realize you have just engaged in a losing battle with this topic, don't you?
The topic has to do with deep-seated American culture/values...which for most Americans will be outside the realm of criticism simply because it is part of their culture. Not because it is right - because it isn't, on so many different levels - but because this is how it's been done here for quite a while and that's the end of it. Expect knee jerk reactions.
The mindset of "go live on your own, be independent, take student loans or what have you, you're an adult now, you'll figure something out, I did that - why can't you?" has nothing to do with any inherent virtue and everything to do with America's historically easy access to a variety of resources, including physical space and credit.
Children have been sent out to establish "independence" simply because (apparent) independence has been relatively easy to establish. Granted, you're hardly independent when instead of daddy, you are dependent on Daddy Bank - but for better or for worse, Americans have gotten used to the idea that it is not only OK, but also desirable, to send your kids in the arms of lending institutions all while you get ready to enjoy an obligations-free lifestyle.
The idea that other cultures, where multigenerational households are common, allow adult children to "leech off" their parents is, of course, preposterous as those cultures very much expect their adult children to become contributing members of the multi-generational household and not simply stay at home and do nothing. Just because some of them to that does not mean the culture approves of such moves.
Adult children living with parents, or very close to parents, go to school, work, earn and contribute, get married, have children, create a family of their own, become perfectly contributing members of society - except they do all this within the larger extended family household. They receive enormously valuable family support and they often return those favors to their elders later on. It is a very natural cycle of life and historically, it has been the norm - not the exception. (The exception is the American way).
This way you get very strong family bonds and a much more economical and responsible way of living. Hard to argue with that - except that there is little money to be made off of this type of extended family model that relies heavily on reciprocal arrangements.
This model does require people to know how to live with each other, to accommodate each other, to give an inch, to not see "lack of privacy" as an epic tragedy, etc.
This simply won't cut it in America - which doesn't mean that this culture is exempt of the possibility of learning how this can be done.
Times (and space) are changing here too. Like everywhere else.
Never say never.
I guess then they can't have sex on the bearskin rug in front of the fire.
Most Americans can't either; they are too friggin' exhausted from either working or having the kids on their hair every second of the day.
Rest assured there's more sex going on in traditional cultures and multi-generational households where grandparents routinely take children off of parents' hair so they can go out, breathe, have sex - you name it.
Where I come from and in my era kids wanted to move out, no parent had to "tell" them to. We wanted to stand on our own, as adults. I got zero money after I left; in fact I had to pay interest to my father for college loans he personally advanced me.
You, poor soul, you do realize you have just engaged in a losing battle with this topic, don't you?
The topic has to do with deep-seated American culture/values...which for most Americans will be outside the realm of criticism simply because it is part of their culture. Not because it is right - because it isn't, on so many different levels - but because this is how it's been done here for quite a while and that's the end of it. Expect knee jerk reactions.
The mindset of "go live on your own, be independent, take student loans or what have you, you're an adult now, you'll figure something out, I did that - why can't you?" has nothing to do with any inherent virtue and everything to do with America's historically easy access to a variety of resources, including physical space and credit.
Children have been sent out to establish "independence" simply because (apparent) independence has been relatively easy to establish. Granted, you're hardly independent when instead of daddy, you are dependent on Daddy Bank - but for better or for worse, Americans have gotten used to the idea that it is not only OK, but also desirable, to send your kids in the arms of lending institutions all while you get ready to enjoy an obligations-free lifestyle.
The idea that other cultures, where multigenerational households are common, allow adult children to "leech off" their parents is, of course, preposterous as those cultures very much expect their adult children to become contributing members of the multi-generational household and not simply stay at home and do nothing. Just because some of them to that does not mean the culture approves of such moves.
Adult children living with parents, or very close to parents, go to school, work, earn and contribute, get married, have children, create a family of their own, become perfectly contributing members of society - except they do all this within the larger extended family household. They receive enormously valuable family support and they often return those favors to their elders later on. It is a very natural cycle of life and historically, it has been the norm - not the exception. (The exception is the American way).
This way you get very strong family bonds and a much more economical and responsible way of living. Hard to argue with that - except that there is little money to be made off of this type of extended family model that relies heavily on reciprocal arrangements.
This model does require people to know how to live with each other, to accommodate each other, to give an inch, to not see "lack of privacy" as an epic tragedy, etc.
This simply won't cut it in America - which doesn't mean that this culture is exempt of the possibility of learning how this can be done.
Times (and space) are changing here too. Like everywhere else.
Never say never.
I'm starting to think what you claim to "know" about American culture, from your very myopic view would fit on the head of a thimble. Don't you have some other culture to bash today? Many of us are tired of hearing how horrible we are.
The topic has to do with deep-seated American culture/values...which for most Americans will be outside the realm of criticism simply because it is part of their culture. Not because it is right - because it isn't, on so many different levels - but because this is how it's been done here for quite a while and that's the end of it. Expect knee jerk reactions.
The applies to all cultures. Everyone has a tendency to get defensive when their way is challenged. It's certainly not unique to Americans.
It`s an old anglo thing...kind of a devide and conquer thing - the high and mighty believe they have the right to family and extended family power - and they have brain washed everyone over the last 40 years that one must kick the kid out ...because a united family is a powerful one - This is an agenda that breeds disloyality amoungst blood...You don`t see the super rich giving their kids the boot for economic reasons - They just build an extra wing on the house.. Nawh - after all these years if my parents were alive - I would simply go home - This buisness that giving your kids the boot makes the independent is not about independance - it is about money - and as I mention family disloyality.
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