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Recently, I went out to dinner with a friend, and an acquaintance of hers. I brought my dd with us. It was a restaurant/bar, where we had dinner and drinks. I ordered myself an amaretto sour and my dd a kiddie cocktail, not thinking anything of it. When out to dinner like this and ordering myself a drink, I have always ordered her a kiddie cocktail--to keep her from wanting to drink out my glass, and because it's a fun little drink in her own glass with a stirrer and cherry, just like mine.
My friend's friend said something like kiddie cocktails teach kids to drink alcohol, and make them think alcohol is the same as juice. I was like, it's not alcohol, it's 7 up and grenadine with a cherry. She brought up candy cigarettes, how they took them off the market because it was a bad influence for kids, and she thinks the same of kiddie cocktails. My friend said she didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't either, but I kind of second guessed myself after that.
I drink occasionally, mostly recreational, but I'm not a heavy drinker, or an every day drinker. I get together with friends or my sisters and have wine or a couple of mixed drinks, but that's about it. I never thought it was a big deal to have alcohol in my house, or for my dd to see me drinking it. She knows that some drinks are not for kids, and she has never seen me drunk, or even tipsy. There isn't an issue of alcoholism in my family. I never thought a thing about it until that lady said that, and I sat there watching my dd sipping her cocktail with us grown folks.
So just wondering, what's your take on this?
When I was a child I grew up looking forward to "umbrella drinks" at special occasions. My husband and I drink moderately. We have 1-2 drinks at a time, 1-2 days a week. We do not hide the liquor in our home and we drink in front of our kids.
I think that providing a healthy model of alcohol consumption over a child's life goes a long way in teaching them to be responsible drinkers. I do not expect my kids to abstain from alcohol forever. I will not be disappointed if they grow up to be moderate drinkers. We do not have any history of alcoholism in our family.
I think and believe you are predisposing your daughter to accept drinking as a normal function. You say you are not a alcoholic, it is typical for an alcoholic to down play and minimize their drinking. Are your parents heavy drinkers, if so you know that alcoholism is genetic and will be carried through the family tree. Be honest now how much do you really drink?
Just as many others have commented, I can remember having Shirley Temples often as a kiddo going out to dinner with my parents. It was a special treat and I have fond memoires of it. I grew up disinterested in alcohol and didn't even have my first drink until well into college. I turned out fine and my parents are not big drinkers.
Your post actually reminded me of Shirley Temples -- haven't thought about them in decades -- and now that I have a kiddo the same age I think I'll order one the next time we're out to dinner , she will be over the moon about it, I'm sure.
I don't believe you have anything to worry about, OP. IMO, alcoholics just are, they aren't "made into" by anybody, not their parents, their spouses, nor their children, as much as one might complain about being driven to drink.
I don't think any of these small influences such as drinking kiddie cocktails or seeing your parents have a glass of wine with dinner have any bearing on whether a person has the biological luck of the draw as far as alcoholism goes. The only influence a parent can really have is to warn a kid if it happens to run in the family, to let them know that if they decide to partake as an adult that they'll be playing a kind of Russian Roulette with a very formidable opponent.
Nobody really knows what makes alcoholics alcoholics, and your friend doesn't know either. I think it's better to be open and have conversations about it rather than make it like some big mysterious adults only tease.
I think and believe you are predisposing your daughter to accept drinking as a normal function. You say you are not a alcoholic, it is typical for an alcoholic to down play and minimize their drinking. Are your parents heavy drinkers, if so you know that alcoholism is genetic and will be carried through the family tree. Be honest now how much do you really drink?
As the child of alcoholics I can tell you that it is not "genetic" meaning it is not a directly inherited trait. A predisposition MAY be passed down but there is no guarantee that a child will become an alcoholic even if they decide to drink.
Additionally, the rush to claim that denial itself is symptom is a logical fallacy. Social drinkers exist, to claim to only be a social drinker can actually mean you are just a social drinker.
Second, it is none of your business how much the OP drinks.
Finally, while I do not like the term kiddie cocktail a Shirley Temple is not a big deal.
My friend's friend said something like kiddie cocktails teach kids to drink alcohol, and make them think alcohol is the same as juice. I was like, it's not alcohol, it's 7 up and grenadine with a cherry. She brought up candy cigarettes, how they took them off the market because it was a bad influence for kids, and she thinks the same of kiddie cocktails.
Did the friend's friend say all of this to you in front of your daughter? If she did, that's just plain old-fashioned rude.
I'd make sure I didn't have to have her as a dining companion again.
It was inappropriate for the friend's friend to have this conversation in front of your daughter. Some opinions should be better left not said and this shows the class of that person.
Do not judge a person unless they want to be judged is what we always say. I guess this friend's
friend did not have any children with them and probably wanted a true girls' meal and found a little girl there and thought they would say something inappropriate to make you feel oh so good. It has happened in a baby shower to me where a person wanted only girl talk and saw another little girl (not mine) and brought up some inappropriate things infront of the girl just to make the mom leave. The mom/daughter left and so did I with them.
By this woman's logic (the one at lunch), girls who play with dolls are going to become teen mothers.
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