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... I said I sure hoped I had learned from my parents' mistakes, rather than repeating mistakes. That is when I was told about this after school ritual he had to endure.
Quote:
Originally Posted by anifani821
I know the mom in this case - she is very rigid about everything in her life. And what is so bad about it . . . she is critical about everyone else's life, as well. I referred to her as being "anal retentive" and that is when one of her sons revealed this story.
Confusing.
I sure hope that man doesn't frequent City Data. I would be absolutely humiliated had a 'friend' posted something like this about me that I told in confidence.
Parents do the best they can. I'm sure this mother did as well. Since the children grew up to be responsible adults, raising their own children, I'm sure she did some things right. My wager would be that EVERY, or nearly EVERY adult can relate a horror story from when they were young. It shapes us as adults and gives us something to talk about.
Doesn't it make you wonder how in the world some children survive their parents' ignorance? Good grief, the first thing that went through my mind when I found undie skid marks was, "Hey, somebody better take a little more time cleaning their backside!" Yes, my concern was certainly more toward the chafing than the laundry. Depending on how bad it was, I might also be concerned with dear child having the squirty girties...and be prompted to ask them if they were feeling okay. It's sad that your friend's mom was clueless and caused her son so much grief. Sad.
I sure hope that man doesn't frequent City Data. I would be absolutely humiliated had a 'friend' posted something like this about me that I told in confidence.
Parents do the best they can. I'm sure this mother did as well. Since the children grew up to be responsible adults, raising their own children, I'm sure she did some things right. My wager would be that EVERY, or nearly EVERY adult can relate a horror story from when they were young. It shapes us as adults and gives us something to talk about.
I don't know what you are so confused about or I would offer some suggestion to clear your addled brain. Guess you will just have to stay confused.
So your point was . . . ? You are worried my friend's mom will read this? Or my friend? What if I told you my friend is a regular poster here and he has already actually posted on this thread?
Hope your confusion clears up. If not, just quit reading this thread.
Doesn't it make you wonder how in the world some children survive their parents' ignorance? Good grief, the first thing that went through my mind when I found undie skid marks was, "Hey, somebody better take a little more time cleaning their backside!" Yes, my concern was certainly more toward the chafing than the laundry. Depending on how bad it was, I might also be concerned with dear child having the squirty girties...and be prompted to ask them if they were feeling okay. It's sad that your friend's mom was clueless and caused her son so much grief. Sad.
That is EXACTLY what it made me wonder. Oh, I have more stories . . . it is the Oprah effect . . . just open the topic in any group of folks and once someone reveals some god awful thing their parents did - everyone else will have a story to add, lol.
My dad once told me that in looking back, he realizes now just how young he was at the time I was born (21) and that he feels we "grew up together." Soooo true. I wondered at some of the ignorant (and I mean - ignorant as in - lack of knowledge) things my mother did - until I had children of my own and it hit me - she had led a sheltered life, didn't know squat about raising kids . . . no wonder she did some of the dumb stuff she did. She just didn't know better.
Nevertheless, it does amaze me at the really bonkers stuff parents do - even with good intentions. I mean - the poster who revealed that she knows a mom that makes her daughter wear pull-ups . . . dear me. Ya just never know what goes on behind closed doors.
That is EXACTLY what it made me wonder. Oh, I have more stories . . . it is the Oprah effect . . . just open the topic in any group of folks and once someone reveals some god awful thing their parents did - everyone else will have a story to add, lol.
My dad once told me that in looking back, he realizes now just how young he was at the time I was born (21) and that he feels we "grew up together." Soooo true. I wondered at some of the ignorant (and I mean - ignorant as in - lack of knowledge) things my mother did - until I had children of my own and it hit me - she had led a sheltered life, didn't know squat about raising kids . . . no wonder she did some of the dumb stuff she did. She just didn't know better.
Nevertheless, it does amaze me at the really bonkers stuff parents do - even with good intentions. I mean - the poster who revealed that she knows a mom that makes her daughter wear pull-ups . . . dear me. Ya just never know what goes on behind closed doors.
Oh gosh, yeah....I was 22 when I had my first, was the youngest of 9 kids (so no younger siblings to learn with), and frankly, even though I babysat here and there, was pretty ignorant myself, when I started having kids! LOL My oldest siblings have shared things about my mom that I couldn't BELIEVE!...of course, by the time I came along, the woman had a lot more experience. They had a bit more of that old "cause/effect" knowledge.
Being an A type personality, I did read book after book and pick the brains of other parents like crazy, in an attempt to not screw my children up, but we're always ignorant, to a degree, aren't we, when learning how to do something on our own. Some things though...yes, like the pull ups (OMG!), to me, that sounds like someone with some serious problems. I mean.....um, go to the bathroom WITH her!!?? Make a 12 y/o wear pullups. Beyond weird! To me, that's as abusive as taking your kid outside and spraying them down with a garden hose at the age of 4, because they wet their pants. Yeah....I knew someone who did that. To the best of my knowledge, after she told ME she did it...it was the LAST time she did it.
I sure hope that man doesn't frequent City Data. I would be absolutely humiliated had a 'friend' posted something like this about me that I told in confidence.
Parents do the best they can. I'm sure this mother did as well. Since the children grew up to be responsible adults, raising their own children, I'm sure she did some things right. My wager would be that EVERY, or nearly EVERY adult can relate a horror story from when they were young. It shapes us as adults and gives us something to talk about.
I know kids who grew up to be great parents, successful in professional lives, etc who were raised in bad homes. Just because they turned out ok doesn't mean that (a) their parents did the best they could and (b) that it's ok to be raised like that.
Your feigned humiliation by proxy can be put to bed too.
I am sorry you have had to manage this for your children. Sounds like a serious issue.
No, this situation was nothing to do w/ a physical problem. Son was so terrified that he coudn't go out to play that he would put off pooping at school, when he felt the urge, so he could come home and "present" mom w/ a bowel movement so she would allow him to go outside and play.
Mom felt it took up too much time in the mornings to get ready for school and take out time for a poop, so she felt she could force a change in his habits and have him wait til the evening to have a bowel movement. And she didn't want him pooping at school b/c he might not wipe well and leave skid marks. And if he pooped in the evenings, no skid marks on pants from "holding it in" (her theory) while playing.
She was more concerned w/ rushing kids out the door in the mornings and having to deal with laundry stains than she was his bowels.
No offense, but I think you are this "boy" you are writing about and the mom is your mom. Am I right? You know all these details so well. Something ain't right.
No offense, but I think you are this "boy" you are writing about and the mom is your mom. Am I right? You know all these details so well. Something ain't right.
Listen, Gimme. If you had a clue about me as a poster (take a look at my rep and my # of posts) you would know I have no problem writing about myself - the good, the bad, the ridiculous, the absurd, the embarrassing, the uplifting, the puzzling, the humorous, the informative.
If you don't like this thread, go find another one, k?
Oh gosh, yeah....I was 22 when I had my first, was the youngest of 9 kids (so no younger siblings to learn with), and frankly, even though I babysat here and there, was pretty ignorant myself, when I started having kids! LOL My oldest siblings have shared things about my mom that I couldn't BELIEVE!...of course, by the time I came along, the woman had a lot more experience. They had a bit more of that old "cause/effect" knowledge.
Being an A type personality, I did read book after book and pick the brains of other parents like crazy, in an attempt to not screw my children up, but we're always ignorant, to a degree, aren't we, when learning how to do something on our own. Some things though...yes, like the pull ups (OMG!), to me, that sounds like someone with some serious problems. I mean.....um, go to the bathroom WITH her!!?? Make a 12 y/o wear pullups. Beyond weird! To me, that's as abusive as taking your kid outside and spraying them down with a garden hose at the age of 4, because they wet their pants. Yeah....I knew someone who did that. To the best of my knowledge, after she told ME she did it...it was the LAST time she did it.
I had a next door neighbor whom I adored. She was younger than I - her sis and I had been in college together. I moved back to my home town and to my surprise, she was my neighbor! I had a new baby; she had a toddler. She gave me advice on everything and I was so grateful. I still don't know where she got her vast knowledge - and it was on everything imaginable - from house construction to gardening to babies to recipes.
The only time we had a parting of the ways was when I was attempting to potty train my son. It was summer and she said - just put swimming trunks on him, teach him to pee off the deck or out in the bushes when he is outside, and hose him down several times a day outside.
First of all, that water was always very cold. And my son just wasn't ready for potty training. He TOLD ME he wasn't ready. She had all sorts of "tricks" - put cheerios in the toilet and let him "aim" for them (wh/ he didn't like doing at all - but some kids would love!) . . . give him a piece of chocolate every time he is successful with it (he didn't like candy and I didn't keep candy in the house - he STILL doesn't like candy - so forget that one).
Her son had loved the swimming trunks and water hose down routine. He told my son - come on! it's fun! - but my son was mortified.
Some kids respond to things other kids don't . . . and to me, the water hose stuff was a put off. I don't even wash my dog in the cold water from a hose. Maybe on a really scorching hot day children would like that, but it wasn't a technique I was interested in pursuing.
Potty training becomes a huge issue to so many folks. I decided - when my son was ready, he would figure it out. By two, he was potty trained as far as urinating in the toilet and not his pants . . . but he didn't want to give up the right to poop in his pants, lol. This seemed to really upset everyone around me but I said - leave him alone. His time schedule.
He went to play school the spring b/f he turned 4 in the Fall. He had been going there off and on (I taught - took over for teachers who were on maternity leave or having surgery - and they let him go to their in-school program while I was on site). They had been gently urging him to give up the pullups. One day, his best friend stated he was giving up his pullups, went to the potty on his own . . . and my son decided - yeah, that's a good idea.
From that day on, not even an accident.
All the "techniques" in the world don't matter to some kids. When they are ready, they are ready.
Parents who make a big deal out of potty training (and racing stripes in pants, lol) can set themselves up for the most basic of all control issues - controlling one's bowels. I think Freud was right . . . potty training is the first big control issue in a child's life. We can guide . . . but they need to feel they have made a decision, on their own. Becoming oppositional w/ your child about potty issues sets up a pattern of rebellion, in my opinion.
Of course, I am not a psychologist. Just a mom.
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