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I prefer not to sink to the level of physical violence.
1. I won't win, especially against an enraged 18 or 19 year old
2. Hitting someone isn't a great consequence; what if they hit you back harder?
3. Maintaining parental control means settling limits and enforcing consequences. Hitting or slapping an adult child isn't the best way to do that.
If my son ever laid a hand on me, I'd call the police.
(But I don't mean to derail this thread! Carry on, everyone...)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TiltheEndofTime
My ex called his mother a ***** once. She slapped him.
If we give them 30 days notice and they don't find a place to live, then what? Are we supposed to let our boys be homeless on the streets? They are smart kids, just extremely lazy, disrepectful, mean spirited, spiteful, and aggressive. They have a lot of potential and we just want to bring it out of them.
My wife and I have been debating over whether or not to rent them an apartment. Maybe we will go through with that plan. That way we can live in a safe, peaceful household and they can go on with their lives. We are not going to be confrontational as we want to be involved in weddings and other future events. They are good guys, they just have a lot of incredibly stomach wrenching tendencies. It's time for them to go. We will find a way to make this happen. Thank you all for your help. Most of it wasn't one bit useful, but by seeing how not to handle this situation has sparked some ideas about how to handle this situation.
You are in complete denial. They are not likely to literally be sleeping on the streets. If they make money playing poker, they can get a hotel room temporarily, or rent a room. They'll likely crash on a friend's couch for a while. That friend will not be the pushover that you have been and won't let them stay forever.
What do you think of the fact that every single poster has had the same advice for you, yet you alone think the advice is awful? Are you wrong or are we ALL wrong?
If we give them 30 days notice and they don't find a place to live, then what? Are we supposed to let our boys be homeless on the streets? They are smart kids, just extremely lazy, disrepectful, mean spirited, spiteful, and aggressive. They have a lot of potential and we just want to bring it out of them.
My wife and I have been debating over whether or not to rent them an apartment. Maybe we will go through with that plan. That way we can live in a safe, peaceful household and they can go on with their lives. We are not going to be confrontational as we want to be involved in weddings and other future events. They are good guys, they just have a lot of incredibly stomach wrenching tendencies. It's time for them to go. We will find a way to make this happen. Thank you all for your help. Most of it wasn't one bit useful, but by seeing how not to handle this situation has sparked some ideas about how to handle this situation.
OHMYGOSH, don't you get it??
If they are as smart as you claim there is NO WAY they would ever be homeless
And even if they ended up on the streets a few days it would be the best thing that could ever happen to them - why can't you see that??
They are NOT little kids!! THEY ARE GROWN MEN - treat them like it.
Or are you too emotionally invested in crippling them to be able to let them stand and fall?
if you have not brought out their potential by now----it ain't gonna happen. they have to bring it out themselves. You would be doing them a BIG FAVOR by showing them how much you love them and how much confidence you have in their ability to be on their own. by continuing to let them mooch off you, you are telling them that is as far as you think they can achieve.
Please step back from this and realize, while some have been mean spirited, most of us sincerely know what we are saying is right and you are only crippling them further by letting them not stand on their own two feet. Are you deep down afraid they may not actually need you and your money? Are you afraid they might actually be grown men?
This may very well be the one thing you can do to show you really care and have confidence in their capabilities. Things may be strained for a while but they will get over it.
If you pay for them to have an apartment---just to ge t started--I guarantee you will be paying their rent from here on out. They will manipulate you till only you stop them. They certainly will not stop taking and taking. Why can't you see that?
Only if you have them on a lease otherwise legally they are not entitled to that protection.
Wrong. Had a similar situation, last year. A freind allowed a total loser to move in with him. The loser lived in the friend's place for 4 months. (He was not on the lease) The dude was a heavy drinker & all around scumbag. When he set the place on fire, while high, the friend kicked him out. Guess who the cops sided with?? Yep- the loser who wasn't even on the lease. The law is that if you allow anyone to live with you that person must have 3 months notice if you want them out -even if they are not on a lease. Even if you were living there first. Doesn't matter.
Don't do favors for anyone- it doesn't pay
Wrong. Had a similar situation, last year. A freind allowed a total loser to move in with him. The loser lived in the friend's place for 4 months. (He was not on the lease) The dude was a heavy drinker & all around scumbag. When he set the place on fire, while high, the friend kicked him out. Guess who the cops sided with?? Yep- the loser who wasn't even on the lease. The law is that if you allow anyone to live with you that person must have 3 months notice if you want them out -even if they are not on a lease. Even if you were living there first. Doesn't matter.
Don't do favors for anyone- it doesn't pay
Back to the OP- kick 'em out A.S.A.P.
But that's illegal, for he doesn't exist.
Anyway, I am not buying this thread. You see how the man's talking in circles. He's possibly pleasuring himself annoying parents. I enjoyed doing that 15 years ago
Anyway, I am not buying this thread. You see how the man's talking in circles. He's possibly pleasuring himself annoying parents. I enjoyed doing that 15 years ago
Some here would say you STILL enjoy doing it
Seriously though, I think this dad is for real - which is really really sad.
If we give them 30 days notice and they don't find a place to live, then what? Are we supposed to let our boys be homeless on the streets? They are smart kids, just extremely lazy, disrepectful, mean spirited, spiteful, and aggressive. They have a lot of potential and we just want to bring it out of them.
My wife and I have been debating over whether or not to rent them an apartment. Maybe we will go through with that plan. That way we can live in a safe, peaceful household and they can go on with their lives. We are not going to be confrontational as we want to be involved in weddings and other future events. They are good guys, they just have a lot of incredibly stomach wrenching tendencies. It's time for them to go. We will find a way to make this happen. Thank you all for your help. Most of it wasn't one bit useful, but by seeing how not to handle this situation has sparked some ideas about how to handle this situation.
I'm sorry you did not get what you needed ... or maybe you did.
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