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Yes, it was in the book I linked to in an earlier post. The author got it from a survey Dr. Phil did, which I believe was anonymous. I will try to find a link. If I do, I will add it to the bottom of this post.
Yes, it would be interesting to see whether any empirical studies have uncovered this little "secret".
I would love to see the research! It will always be a challenge, though, because if interviews are conducted face to face, they're will always be a tendency to deny one's true feelings due to the perception of societal pressures. Still, I would love to see it!
Just speaking for myself here, but I didn't go into parenting thinking it would be easy.
Neither did our parents, grandparents or most people for that matter.
All people grow up knowing that children are part of life and that it is not easy being a parent.
What people are missing though is that the "not easy" of yesterday was 100 times easier than the "not easy" of today; and no, the argument about "washing clothes by hand" and "not having vaccines" is not going to fly.
In farm life, parents used to GAIN advantages from having children, so choosing NOT to have them would have been even harder - let alone it wasn't possible.
In the first part of the 20th century, all H was yet to break lose - population explosion, globalization, consumption gone wild, machines replacing humans in just about everything...these were only about to happen but hadn't happen yet.
In the US, the 50's moms stayed at home to make the home a "Heaven in a Heartless World". Nice. And they made it at a sweet, slow pace.
Yes, it may have been boring for some of them but it wasn't killing them, that's for sure.
Then things started happening and more and more people are now coming to their senses. If not rationally, then instinctively. "Why procreate?"
So yes, parenting has always been HARD - but it has gotten a whole lot hard-er, lonelier, stressful and longer today for most parents. Children also face an increasingly competitive world simply because there are lots of them and little need for human labor.
It is at least part of the explanation for the increasing number of individuals who CHOOSE not to have children at all.
I would love to see the research! It will always be a challenge, though, because if interviews are conducted face to face, they're will always be a tendency to deny one's true feelings due to the perception of societal pressures. Still, I would love to see it!
You're absolutely right; that's why you can't find it anywhere.
I mean, come on, people feel guilty even if they are to admit such a thing to THEMSELVES, in their own heads - let alone to check "yes" in a questionnaire, be it guaranteed anonymous.
And then again, like others have pointed here, it's also the nice moments (aka "hugs, kisses and pride" or as I call it "I want to eat you all up, snot and all). Then you say "naaah, clearly no regrets" - even though you're still stressed out to the bone, slavery is about to recommence in 10 minutes and your kid will be reminded when he is 25 that the "Universe doesn't owe him a living". The Universe will also be a whole lot tighter then.
Oh, well. In the end, it is clear that more and more people are choosing NOT to have kids; and I, for one, think they deserve more than just having their choice "tolerated" with self-righteous libertarianism.
Their choice is going to mean a slightly higher chance for my own kid to live a decent life.
It was no surprise to my parents--I've been telling them I never want to have kids ever since I was old enough to talk. They've always known they would only get grandchildren through my sister.
Ann Landers had a similar survey that yielded a result of 30%. Perhaps the same people or types of people are taking the surveys. Still, interesting.
Oh, I agree, definitely interesting. Same problems as with the other survey, but still interesting. I wish there was some way to know about the respondents.
Right. She talked to HERSELF. She makes quite an impressive and representative sample.
What I am arguing is not based on how I and only I feel.
I have no way of knowing who she has talked to or what she has read. Do you?
Quote:
Originally Posted by syracusa
Neither did our parents, grandparents or most people for that matter.
All people grow up knowing that children are part of life and that it is not easy being a parent.
What people are missing though is that the "not easy" of yesterday was 100 times easier than the "not easy" of today; and no, the argument about "washing clothes by hand" and "not having vaccines" is not going to fly.
In farm life, parents used to GAIN advantages from having children, so choosing NOT to have them would have been even harder - let alone it wasn't possible.
In the first part of the 20th century, all H was yet to break lose - population explosion, globalization, consumption gone wild, machines replacing humans in just about everything...these were only about to happen but hadn't happen yet.
In the US, the 50's moms stayed at home to make the home a "Heaven in a Heartless World". Nice. And they made it at a sweet, slow pace.
Yes, it may have been boring for some of them but it wasn't killing them, that's for sure.
Then things started happening and more and more people are now coming to their senses. If not rationally, then instinctively. "Why procreate?"
So yes, parenting has always been HARD - but it has gotten a whole lot hard-er, lonelier, stressful and longer today for most parents. Children also face an increasingly competitive world simply because there are lots of them and little need for human labor.
It is at least part of the explanation for the increasing number of individuals who CHOOSE not to have children at all.
Well, my comment about not thinking parenting was going to be easy was made relative to now, the time in which I live, not relative to any other period in history. I am not prepared to argue with you about your theory, but I am also not prepared to jump on the "things are so much harder now" pity party wagon. I will agree that times have changed. I have no idea how you would quantify things being so much more difficult in present time. Do you have stats on that?
I fully support folks who decide to be CBC, just like I fully support those who choose to raise children they are able to support. That's not being PC - I think choosing not to have kids is a perfectly valid choice. Where I won't go is the lauding the child-free as being noble or selfless for not overpopulating the planet (FTR, I don't think choosing to have children is noble and selfless either).
Get over your shock and go out there and talk to first generation immigrant parents about how they see the US educational system. There are quite a few studies out there. Bother to research and read.
My husband and his eight sisters are all first generation immigrants. None of them (including the ones who have children, including grown children) agree with anything in your analysis.
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- even though you're still stressed out to the bone, slavery is about to recommence in 10 minutes and your kid will be reminded when he is 25 that the "Universe doesn't owe him a living". The Universe will also be a whole lot tighter then. 
