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I don't know if I'm making a big deal, or if it really is rude, and would like to hear from others.
This is the third time in last year or so that my nephews show up to my mom's and the older one (they are 6 and 18, so really the 6 y/o is excluded from this conversation) has a friend or girlfriend with him. Now I do blame my mother in part because she could put her foot down and say no, but she doesn't.
However, he (18 y/o) calls that morning or night before to say he's bringing a friend and my mom says okay. These friends are obnoxious, and certainly don't bring any money to pay their way anywhere. Today was a perfect example of rudeness, obnoxious, and just plain disrespectful (I'll spare the details for now).
I guess the way I feel, and what really annoys me, is that yes times have changed, but we NEVER brought a friend to our relatives house - when we spent the day with them, it was to see them not to spend all day with a friend. (they were on their phones watching videos while at dinner, then when we got back to to my mom's they took off outside somewhere).
If you are a parent (or even an aunt/uncle/etc.), would you be okay sending your child? Or would you say no, thinking the friend should be spending time with the relative? Also, would you not send money to pay your kid's way?
Of course, we can only guess what my sister-in-law or nephew tells the other parent - for all we know they are saying it's okay and don't worry about dinner cuz it's grandma's treat.
Am I right to feel annoyed?
Last edited by CTGirlNoMore; 02-18-2012 at 06:15 PM..
Reason: spellcheck
My grandmother has an open-door policy. I frequently brought my boyfriend to my Gram's house, as well as his mom to holiday dinners. My husband's sister and his parents have gone several times to Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I knew my friends were always welcome at her house. She was the youngest of five girls, most of whom were married with children as she grew up, so her house was always full. Gram loved having lots of people over and feeding them and fussing over them. When I was little, my uncle's friend lived with them for a while, having nowhere else to go.
I can understand not wanting to be around obnoxious people, but I grew up in a "the more, the merrier" family. My kids know their friends are always, always welcome at my house. Back in California, we frequently brought my eldest's best friend with us camping and on weekend trips. She spends a week or two with us every summer. Where we live now, we had one of her new good friends over for Thanksgiving, along with her divorced dad, a friend of my husband's, that friend's roommate, and the roommate's son. Nothing I like more than cooking for a houseful of people.
I'm sorry your nephew's friends aren't likeable, but the decision is really up to your mom. Has she told you she doesn't want them there?
As to whether I'd let my kids go ... sure, if they are invited. My daughter spent a long weekend at her friend's grandparents' farm and had a blast.
I guess it depends. At 18, the mom isn't really "sending the kid" to grandma's house. He's going and taking his girlfriend. I often took a stray friend or boy friend to family Thanksgiving, and my HS boyfriend was around a lot around age 17-18. Maybe it is their behavior once they are there that upsets you?
I'm fine with the more the merrier, but I guess it just bugs me to have them come over and rough house and act obnoxious. It could just be that I grew up where that was not tolerated - at least not in the house. I grew up with a very quiet mother's side and I was alone on my dad's side as I was the only girl out of 5 grandkids. So I got used to being more quiet/alone.
And this kid never said one thank you. No 'thank you for having me over', no 'thank you for taking me to dinner'. Nothing.
Like I said, times HAVE changed, and yes it's up to my mother. I was just more curious as to how you feel sending your kid to someone's house they never been to, or never even met the people, and expecting that the family will foot the bill for everything.
I don't want people thinking I'm rude and don't welcome company. There's just a difference in gracious company and rude company, and how parents feel about a situation like this.
Foot the bill for what? How long a visit was it? Sounds like the behavior was the problem, not the fact that they had an extra person. Was your mom bothered by the behavior? I would be, from your description. Next time maybe the answer will be no.
I realize I'm more venting as it's all still fresh from just happening.
And I realize that it's a lot to do with how the times have changed. I guess there's a part of me that just can't get over the behavior these days. Playing loud videos on your phone while having dinner in a restaurant with your grandparents, spending all the day on the phone texting.
What it boils down to is, I guess, is that I was raised to have repsect.
I made it clear to my mother (we talked after they left) that I would not tolerate that anymore. She was welcome to, but I wouldn't be spending the day with them if that's the case.
Foot the bill for what? How long a visit was it? Sounds like the behavior was the problem, not the fact that they had an extra person. Was your mom bothered by the behavior? I would be, from your description. Next time maybe the answer will be no.
We went out to lunch/dinner. They were there all day - 11am til about 7ish. We had plans to see a movie also, but not with the extra person, due to the extra cost of that.
Yes, my mom was very bothered by the behavior and was appalled that the kid said not one thank you. She tells me she won't allow it again, but we'll see. Like I said above, *I* won't take it anymore.
I admit, when the girlfriend came along, at least she was respectful and said thank you.
I grew up with my grandmother living literally a block away. We never had particular days to see her any more than I have particular days to see my parents now. I was forever stopping over there with my friends, frequently just because we would see her doing stuff outside while we were running around. OTOH, I was never expected to go out and spend all day being the sole company of my grandparents except holidays and birthdays.
It sucks that they didn't say thank you, but I don't think the rest of the behavior is weird. Kids, gravitate towards kids. Personally, I find it a little odd that an 18 yo is expected to spend lunch, a movie, and additional 8 hours with their grandparent.
I realize I'm more venting as it's all still fresh from just happening.
And I realize that it's a lot to do with how the times have changed. I guess there's a part of me that just can't get over the behavior these days. Playing loud videos on your phone while having dinner in a restaurant with your grandparents, spending all the day on the phone texting.
What it boils down to is, I guess, is that I was raised to have repsect.
I made it clear to my mother (we talked after they left) that I would not tolerate that anymore. She was welcome to, but I wouldn't be spending the day with them if that's the case.
He's 18, do you really expect him to put the phone down for ANY amount of time. He still lives at home right? So yes he IS being sent to visit.
I remember being that age and going on trips, I wasn't quite as bad as they sound to be but I sure wasn't 100% social.
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Nothing I like more than cooking for a houseful of people.
