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Funny quirks about him...
His food cannot touch. Silverware cannot touch the food unless he is eating with them. Cannot put things in other foods (no peas in macaroni, chicken with cheese, etc). Food cannot be hot. Chicken can only be white meat (no sauce, no rib meat, no coloring of any kind). He will only eat macaroni and cheese with black pepper. Ice cream can only be one flavor (no Neapolitan).
Me: Would you like to help me cook dinner tonight?
Him: No
Me: Okay
(I now cook dinner)
Me: Come get your step stool...its dinner time
(he didn't like eating at the table so he eats on a step stool. His decision not mine but not worth the fight. He has great table manners when we eat out)
Him: Ugh...Gross! This isn't what I wanted.
You let him talk to you that way??!!?? With nothing but...
Quote:
Me: Oh well. This is dinner, and you like (blank).
Him: Fine, but I'm not eating anything else!
Me: That's fine. You know the rules. Taste everything on the plate and you get dessert.
Ugh. Put the plate down and BE QUIET. No eat everything on your plate. No dessert discussions. As a matter of fact, dessert can take a total hiatus from your house for the forseeable future. It has become a bribery tool.
This is dinner, eat it or don't. NO MORE TALKING.
Quote:
Him: There I ate. What's for dessert? (bear in mind he ate one food item only)
Me: Did you taste everything?
Him: No. Where's my dessert!
(You can guess where this is going)
Me: No taste...no dessert. Rules haven't changed in the past 2 years.
Him: Fine. (he takes 1 bite of everything else on the plate minus veggies)
Me: Okay. You can have a granola bar or "special milkshake" for dessert. (his special milkshake is an instant breakfast in ice cream.)
You are fixating. This is classic power struggle. One you desperately want to win. You won't. Don't fight. Get out of the game.
That is a common, my kids were the same way. It is almost OCD. It is not a pathology though, until it actually starts to affect functioning.
That is why they have those plates with the dividers. My husband was the same way, even when we were married, the meat could not touch the veggies, or the potatoes...quirky.
Funny quirks about him...
His food cannot touch. Silverware cannot touch the food unless he is eating with them. Cannot put things in other foods (no peas in macaroni, chicken with cheese, etc). Food cannot be hot. Chicken can only be white meat (no sauce, no rib meat, no coloring of any kind). He will only eat macaroni and cheese with black pepper. Ice cream can only be one flavor (no Neapolitan).
I will bet my last dollar that all of these can'ts and won'ts have been catered too or cajoled and discussed at length as part of one big play. Looking from a dispassionate outside view, this problem was made not born.
Me: Would you like to help me cook dinner tonight?
Him: No
Me: Okay
(I now cook dinner)
Me: Come get your step stool...its dinner time
(he didn't like eating at the table so he eats on a step stool. His decision not mine but not worth the fight. He has great table manners when we eat out)
Him: Ugh...Gross! This isn't what I wanted.
Me: Oh well. This is dinner, and you like (blank).
Him: Fine, but I'm not eating anything else!
Me: That's fine. You know the rules. Taste everything on the plate and you get dessert.
Him: There I ate. What's for dessert? (bear in mind he ate one food item only)
Me: Did you taste everything?
Him: No. Where's my dessert!
(You can guess where this is going)
Me: No taste...no dessert. Rules haven't changed in the past 2 years.
Him: Fine. (he takes 1 bite of everything else on the plate minus veggies)
Me: Okay. You can have a granola bar or "special milkshake" for dessert. (his special milkshake is an instant breakfast in ice cream.)
I would end the taste everything on your plate and you get dessert. Either he eats what's there or he doesn't. If he has a small appetite and he knows he will get dessert no matter what he does he will save his appetite for dessert.
I would change the rules on him. The rules are that dinner is what it is. He can eat it or not. If he does not want what is for dinner he can fix himself some cereal. Limit dessert to once a week. No fighting. No talking about what he has to eat, how many bites, etc. He either eats or not.
So this is the kind of thing I would do before I actually had a picky eater. My son would rather skip an entire days worth of dinner than eat something he doesn't like. And on top of that if you force him (ie you can't get up from the table unless you try the asparagus) he'd gag on it and throw up all over the table...
I never said I made them eat a food they did not like. I would, however, ask them to eat a fruit or veggie that they did like, before a treat like ice cream.
Me: Would you like to help me cook dinner tonight?
Him: No
Me: Okay
(I now cook dinner)
Me: Come get your step stool...its dinner time
(he didn't like eating at the table so he eats on a step stool. His decision not mine but not worth the fight. He has great table manners when we eat out)
Him: Ugh...Gross! This isn't what I wanted.
Me: Oh well. This is dinner, and you like (blank).
Him: Fine, but I'm not eating anything else!
Me: That's fine. You know the rules. Taste everything on the plate and you get dessert.
Him: There I ate. What's for dessert? (bear in mind he ate one food item only)
Me: Did you taste everything?
Him: No. Where's my dessert!
(You can guess where this is going)
Me: No taste...no dessert. Rules haven't changed in the past 2 years.
Him: Fine. (he takes 1 bite of everything else on the plate minus veggies)
Me: Okay. You can have a granola bar or "special milkshake" for dessert. (his special milkshake is an instant breakfast in ice cream.)
Sorry, but you are in a power struggle with him and he's winning. He's also found a way to get you to focus on what he wants.
You've given into him and let him eat on his step stool.
You let him have his special milkshake. (Why should he eat dinner when he's going to get a shake with ice cream in it? NO kid is going to pick rhubarb over ice cream.)
He's walking all over you and one way he's doing it is by saying, "Nope. Not gonna eat." (Because he knows you WANT him to eat.)
He comes out and shows you his ribs? Because he knows you don't like it. So he wins again.
Put out his dinner, on the table, and ignore him. He's getting a TON of attention because you are cajoling him. He gets attention when you take him to the doctor and the therapist and the nutritionist.
Dinner conversation should be:
"Here you go. Supper. Eat up because that's all there is."
(The food not touching and all of that isn't connected. Plenty of hearty eaters out there who don't like their food to touch.)
Sorry. He's walking all over you, bossing you around AND getting you to pay attention to him as an extra added bonus. The GOOD news is you can change this.
Please save all the speech about how he wouldn't be a picky eater if I didn't let him...
My son is 7 and a half and has always had issues with being underweight since he was about a year old. When he was born he was at 50% and has remained on his weight line ever since but that leaves him well underweight. He weighs 41 pounds right now.
He has been a picky eater since he left baby food. It got worse when he realized that he had the power to control if that food went in his mouth or not. I have pictures to prove that he used to eat eggs but he won't touch them now.
He will eat: macaroni and cheese, spaghetti (with butter only), nuts, popcorn (plain hot air popped), grilled cheese, milk, juice (depending on flavor), cheese, chicken (about 1-2 ounces is all), applesauce, mandarin oranges, oven fries, hash browns, cereal, yogurt, granola bars (chewy only) and a selection of sweets (1-2 pieces a day is my limit).
The list of foods he won't eat grows by the day. He refuses to try new foods or flavors. Even when you point out that he loves the flavor he won't eat the real thing. For instance he loves strawberry yogurt but refuses to try a strawberry. He loves applesauce but not apples. Don't even get me started on meats. His definition of "eating chicken" is about 3 bites.
The doctor says he should see the nutritionist, the nutritionist says he should see a therapist, the therapist said he should see the doctor. The doctor said "he'll grow out of it". But in the meantime he is still so thin.
Any advice on how to "cure" picky eating or put on weight?
And just to get this out now...anyone who says "eat or starve" is just mean. I have to think about this from his perspective and say as long as their is food in the house that he'll eat he should get it. I don't always fix separate meals but I will make him try what is on his plate or go without. Then before bed he will get an instant breakfast and a bowl of cereal.
Do not make him a separate meal. EVER. Make balanced meals, that include veggies and don't let him leave the table until he's eaten at least a bite or 2 of everything. If he refuses to eat a decent amount of dinner, DO NOT give him cereal and instant breakfast before bed. you are rewarding his pickiness and doing nothing to change it.
Some kids do have texture issues with foods. An occupational therapist might be able to help. If you think that's what it could be, check with your local children's hospital. They might be able to diagnose the problem, if there is one. I don't think there is, though.
I don't understand why you said the 50th percentile is underweight. Unless he is extremely tall, 50th percentile is right in the middle, average, not under weight.
Sorry, but you are in a power struggle with him and he's winning. He's also found a way to get you to focus on what he wants.
You've given into him and let him eat on his step stool.
You let him have his special milkshake. (Why should he eat dinner when he's going to get a shake with ice cream in it? NO kid is going to pick rhubarb over ice cream.)
He's walking all over you and one way he's doing it is by saying, "Nope. Not gonna eat." (Because he knows you WANT him to eat.)
He comes out and shows you his ribs? Because he knows you don't like it. So he wins again.
Put out his dinner, on the table, and ignore him. He's getting a TON of attention because you are cajoling him. He gets attention when you take him to the doctor and the therapist and the nutritionist.
Dinner conversation should be:
"Here you go. Supper. Eat up because that's all there is."
This.
Quote:
(The food not touching and all of that isn't connected. Plenty of hearty eaters out there who don't like their food to touch.)
True enough though it may also be just another bit of the drama around dinner time.
Quote:
Sorry. He's walking all over you, bossing you around AND getting you to pay attention to him as an extra added bonus.
To the point where a conversation about manners is not even possible.
Do not make him a separate meal. EVER. Make balanced meals, that include veggies and don't let him leave the table until he's eaten at least a bite or 2 of everything.
This might be doable if there was not already an entrenched power struggle. But in my opinions, at this juncture, this is a big mistake. Put the plate down. Here's dinner. DONE.
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