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I am divorced with a 12 yr old daughter. My ex and I are both local and have joint custody of our daughter with myself as the primary custodial parent. Whenever my daughter is in my ex's care - she gets into trouble. It has become evident that my ex does not spend time with her but lets have free reign to do whatever she wants. It has become a pattern that whenever my daughter is there she gets into trouble. My daughter was recently found exchanging sexual messages with a man on Facebook - the man turned out to be a predator. Then she was caught messaging with a 17 yr old boy on Facebook that she met on a Friday night at the skating rink - my ex lets her go there, I don't agree with it.
After all of this, my ex continues to let her go to skating rink on Friday nights, use Facebook and have a phone that she can use with no rules or supervision. She is also violating the papers in many other ways.
Due to that fact that I inherited the majority of the debt from the marriage, I don't have the approximate $5000 at this time to take the ex back to court for full custody. Does anybody know of anything I can do? If I don't do something, I fear my daughter may end up pregnant, on drugs or kidnapped.
Look for a Fathers Rights Group in your area, attend and get help. See if they have an attorney that they can recommend that will take it Pro Bono. Good luck to you and your daughter. Hopefully your caring, love, discipline and spending time with her will help her set her priorities for the future and stay out of trouble.
Any reason why you can't be at the skating rink on Friday nights, considering what she's up to over there.
Because that makes too much sense?
I'm confused about the custody thing costing $5k. Can't one just go to Family Court and file a petition to change the custody order and plead your case to a judge?
First off, kudos to you for doing something about it! I don't want to be Negative Nancy, but you're absolutely right that your daughter is going down the wrong path.
Your daughter is most likely going to be upset (or she might even say that she "hates"). Explain that you fear that she will be raped, kidnapped, a drug addict, or a teenage mom. You need to be 13 in order to have a Facebook account. So, either change her password for her until she's 13 (or responsible enough) or close the account. Explain to her that you don't want to monitor her like a hawk, but you don't want her to get hurt. Explain to her that the predator and the 17 year-old boy she was talking to only have one thing in mind. The only way I see this working is if she thinks she has power. So, give her options and let her have a say. She can have her FB account back on her 13th birthday if she agrees to not talk to people she doesn't know.
I'm going to assume that you talk to your ex, I'd sit her down and explain that you don't like the road that your daughter is going down. Give her a list of rules that you keep at the house and tell her that you need her to implement those rules when your daughter is in her custody or you'll take her to court. For instance, if she wants to go skating she needs an adult. Contact the phone company and put parental controls on it. You can limit who she calls and texts.
I'm confused about the custody thing costing $5k. Can't one just go to Family Court and file a petition to change the custody order and plead your case to a judge?
Every attorney I have spoken to has stated that this would be the round about fee for custody. I will research for SC custody Pro Se filing for custody though. Thanks.
Being a bad parent is not illegal, so you will want to work with what you can deal with. You'll need to file for contempt (you can do this pro-se) whenever she violates the order.
Unfortunately I see this as a different view on parenting. Your ex is taking the lazy way out, lots of parents do but I personally think you would be hard pressed to prove that Mom was unfit to the point that she cannot have custody (based on the few details here)
I agree with the posters that said to join a Dads group as well as if you feel your DD needs more supervision and based on some of these situations, I would say she probably does then you are going to have to pick up the slack and do it. When DD is with you, you will have to control the phone, the computer etc. When she is with Mom, there is nothing you can do other than have some frank open honest conversations with your DD.
Your DD's behavior comes across to me as openly defiant and desperately trying to get your attention, reward her efforts.
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