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The thread on lonely onlies made me think about this. Some children are friends with their siblings, some not. Why?
When I was a kid, we fought and bled and screamed and threatened and cursed each other. However minutes before mom and dad were supposed to be home, we suddenly teamed together and cleaned up the blood, broken things and coordinated a story to cover up what we could not cover up. We fought like mad all the way through middle teens. My sister gifted me with two trips to the hospital. My brother knocked me cold once (when I cut him with a knife). We plastered each othr with rocks, apples, boards, horse manure, weapons, you name it. If Mom and Dad left for a while, one of us ofent ended up seriousl bleeding. I remember my sister chasing me around the yard in her car trying to run me over while I was chucking shurikens at her and running away. I climbed a tree, she ran the tree down. I finally escaped by running out into a swamp. I was out of shurikens by then so she was safe too.
The resulting damage took some explaining to cover up.
By the time I was in high school we were all very close. We looked out for each other. When I was in HS, my sisters apartment was our favorite hang out (she was graduated and working). My brother took me and my friends with him and his friends to movies, or other adventures. After we moved apart we all grew closer together. Now we are somewhat close. At least we stay in touch and help each other out when needed.
When we were not fighting we sometimes played together, but mostly we fought. It seemd like the playing always led to fighting and the fighting always led to bleeding. I am not sure if we liked or hated each other, but we were not lonely
However most of our kids are best friends with each other. Even the two who do not get along all that well, look out for each other at school and elsewhere. She makes sure he eats between workouts, he makes sure no one messes with her. They cover for each other when they are in trouble. The others are super close. They have rarely fought and really enjoy being together. Part of that may be because we used to live in a neighborhood where our kids were almost the only ones who spoke english. They played together and relied on each other because that was their option.
Our oldest are twins. When you have twins, you get to know lots of other twins. We met quite a few twins who hate each other passionately and always have and more who have always been inseperable.
So what is it that makes some families War of the Roses while others are the Waltons? Coming from a family where we battled each other bloody, how did I end up with kids who love and support each other?
Yes, both my girls are friends with each other and are very close. Closer to each other than even to me. :-( I miss my girls company but I'm glad they have each other. They are 2 1/2 years apart and are grownups now!
I have a boy and a girl about 3 1/2 yrs apart and they are not particularly close. They played together when they were little but their interests and distance don't allow for a lot of interaction as young adults. They don't dislike each other so you never know what may happen in the future. Life has a way of bringing people together sometimes.
There have been one or two instances in the last few years where they did turn to each other instead of me or their dad when something really bad was happening to them so I suppose that's a good sign.
My younger brother and I are separated by 4 yrs. We had both good times and not so good times growing up. Unfortunately, his wife controls him quite well and I hardly get to see him when I travel home to Michigan for the holidays.
My daughter, 14, and Stepdaughter, also 14 (6 mos separates them in age) can't stand each other. Daughter is articulate, intelligent and mature. SD is the polar opposite so they have zero in common. One good thing is that they don't have to live together all the time! The arguing would drive me insane as I'm sure my brother and I did to my parents!
My oldest is very much like my DH, emotional and easily stressed. My youngest is just like me, much more easy-going. The two boys are great friends, proving opposites attract? Middle son is probably closer to his younger brother, as they are 17 months apart in age, and shared a room until middle school age. But, in general, I'd say yes, my kids are close.
My sister and I had a relationship like you describe with your siblings. We were in our mid 20's before we decided to get along. I think some of why we didn't get along is that there was never enough of anything...clothes, food, parental affection, medical care, supervision. My parents made a decent amount of money, they just had odd priorities. I don't remember having more than 3 outfits at a time until I was old enough to work, and those 3 outfits came from garage sales usually. We were very competitive...if I got something, it meant she went without, and vice versa. My mom also had us on a diet of about 1000 calories a day for as long as I could remember. My dad was on the same diet for the meals he had to eat at home, and he hid food in his bedroom and shared with us. But again, if I got more of something, my sister got less. So any time I had anything, it was time to beat me up, take it, and say that I had given it to her, which my mom always believed. Also, because I was the older one, once I got to a certain age I was supposed to just let my sister beat on me, and my parents were going to call the police if I defended myself. (My sister was 5" taller and a bit heavier at the time).
My kids are the absolute opposite. We make about a third of what my parents did, and I'm a full-time mother, but my kids have everything they need and most things that they want. They never have physical fights with each other...sometimes I will overhear my younger daughter telling her sister off, but it never goes beyond verbal and never seems to last more than a few minutes. If I ask about it, they always say that it was their dolls having an argument, not them. They're 3 years apart, but the little one is an old soul...she's been able to communicate as well as most adults since she was two. She's the tougher of the two, even though her sister is very tall for her age and she's very small for hers.
Well I am one of the ones with an only child however I have nieces and nephews that are adults now. They are friends and very close. Both sets did fight like cats and dogs growing up. One set of siblings live in different states but they communicate often. They are very fond of each other.
The other two went to the same college, shared an apt. and ended up spending time together with their significant others on double dates and so forth. They are now graduated, started their careers and so forth. They both recently purchased their first homes and chose to live by each other. I think they get along fairly well however I see some issues. My niece often complains about her brother's new life style. The last time I saw her she made some cutting remarks that raised an eyebrow. My nephew's wife comes from a family with money and they were given a VERY sizable down payment for their first house. So my niece and her husband have their first starter home, small, needs some work, pretty much typical of a first time homeowner. My nephew and his wife have a 4 bed McMansion. I heard the animosity is running rampant. Rut roh.
So what is it that makes some families War of the Roses while others are the Waltons? Coming from a family where we battled each other bloody, how did I end up with kids who love and support each other?
I come from a battleground family like yours. And like you, I'm extremely blessed to have children who are good friends and truly devoted to each other. I credit four things:
They are homeschooled. So there isn't as much peer-competition.
They are all musicians and they need each other for their music.
They share a common Catholic faith and try to live up to it.
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