News, School district bans father-daughter, mother-son events (appropriate, student, college)
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Everyone keeps harping on the single parent scenario and ignoring the FACT that the death of a parent if a far different case.
And who does it farm to call it French Toast with the Fam?
Oh yeah NO ONE.
If the name doesn't matter than why not make it inclusive instead of EXCLUSIVE and expecting children, some of which are not yet capable yet developmentally to truly understand the rationalization being put forth?
IMO, there is a difference between the adults in children's lives being sensitive to these types of things and teaching coping and the adults being over-sensitive to these types of things and trying to impose sameness. Again IMO, I find it overly dramatic to refer to the name of an event as a stake through the heart. Kids who have one or no parent-figure, whether through divorce or death or deployment or incarceration, etc. cope with their living situation every single day, probably a lot better than some adults give them credit for. Before I am accused of being insensitive, I have known and been friends with many people who have/had complicated family situations as children, some losing a parent to death. I imagine kids in general are going to have responses as varied as they are, at least that has been my experience. I don't think it actually matters what you call an event, but claiming the emotional sensitivity high ground is inaccurate and unhelpful, IMO.
Children are not nearly as sensitive as adults would believe. From what I have seen, they are more straight forward, pragmatic and strong then many adults I've encountered.
I again bring up the point of children who DO have both parents but whose parents are not interested in participating. Is that not too "driving a stake through the heart" of these kids to see other parents participating but not their own?
Having been on the other side of this issue....being the child care center who put on these events, here is my experience. Granted these are younger children than elementary age, and a privately owned business, however it would still be affected by parents filing complaints because they feel slighted.
We had muffins for mom, donuts for dad and grandparents day. The idea is based on the fact that most moms, dads and grandparents love to do things with these kids and are proud to be part of their everyday lives. They enjoy seeing where the kids spend hours everyday WHILE they are actually there instead of after hours. They enjoy meeting and chatting with other adults and the children while they are there.
More importantly it gives the kids the opportunity to have something special for each person separate from the others and basically on their own turf - child care/school and that comes from THEM. Most of the kids have great pride in doing this, worked hard to be prepared, often looked forward to it for weeks and took ownership of the event.
Now, we did work hard to ensure that the children who didn't have someone to attend one of the events never felt excluded. They were paired up with other children and their guest, they helped serve the food and/or they greeted everyone.
Sure, sometimes the guest was not the intended person which was always ok with us, but somehow it just didn't give the same satisfaction to the child. Actually the children who were paired up with others or helped were usually far more excited about the whole thing than those who brought someone different. Perhaps that was due to our diligence in building up their important participation in contrast to what they understood from the parent/family member in being second choice.
Ironically, some moms felt they spent enough time with their kids and didn't need the special event but the dads did everything in their power to take the time and make the effort to attend and attendance was amazing. Plus many grandparents scheduled their vacation just so they could come, no matter where they lived.
The child who was embarrassed, lost, confused, resentful, depressed or angry was an extremely rare case. It certainly wasn't because they were the only ones without a parent/grandparent as we had a huge variety of family situations. It was almost always because their parents/family members made such a big deal out of them NOT having the person asked to come and was a direct reflection of their attitude.
There are plenty of ways to celebrate differences without exclusion however changing the name won't change the intent of such events. Celebrating moms around mother's day in May, dad's around father's day in June and grandparents around their day in Sept. which is when most of these events are scheduled wont be affected by a name change. Everyone knows the reason. Changing the name won't change the intent of a dance or a ball game. However, it very well may change the event from special to ordinary.
Having been on the other side of this issue....being the child care center who put on these events, here is my experience. Granted these are younger children than elementary age, and a privately owned business, however it would still be affected by parents filing complaints because they feel slighted.
We had muffins for mom, donuts for dad and grandparents day. The idea is based on the fact that most moms, dads and grandparents love to do things with these kids and are proud to be part of their everyday lives. They enjoy seeing where the kids spend hours everyday WHILE they are actually there instead of after hours. They enjoy meeting and chatting with other adults and the children while they are there.
More importantly it gives the kids the opportunity to have something special for each person separate from the others and basically on their own turf - child care/school and that comes from THEM. Most of the kids have great pride in doing this, worked hard to be prepared, often looked forward to it for weeks and took ownership of the event.
Now, we did work hard to ensure that the children who didn't have someone to attend one of the events never felt excluded. They were paired up with other children and their guest, they helped serve the food and/or they greeted everyone.
Sure, sometimes the guest was not the intended person which was always ok with us, but somehow it just didn't give the same satisfaction to the child. Actually the children who were paired up with others or helped were usually far more excited about the whole thing than those who brought someone different. Perhaps that was due to our diligence in building up their important participation in contrast to what they understood from the parent/family member in being second choice.
Ironically, some moms felt they spent enough time with their kids and didn't need the special event but the dads did everything in their power to take the time and make the effort to attend and attendance was amazing. Plus many grandparents scheduled their vacation just so they could come, no matter where they lived.
The child who was embarrassed, lost, confused, resentful, depressed or angry was an extremely rare case. It certainly wasn't because they were the only ones without a parent/grandparent as we had a huge variety of family situations. It was almost always because their parents/family members made such a big deal out of them NOT having the person asked to come and was a direct reflection of their attitude.
There are plenty of ways to celebrate differences without exclusion however changing the name won't change the intent of such events. Celebrating moms around mother's day in May, dad's around father's day in June and grandparents around their day in Sept. which is when most of these events are scheduled wont be affected by a name change. Everyone knows the reason. Changing the name won't change the intent of a dance or a ball game. However, it very well may change the event from special to ordinary.
Yet, you are the one who has nothing to lose by a NAME change except alleviate others pain. No one loses out by going to "Family Field Day" instead of Mother/Son ball game at a PUBLIC school. But your want of a name to pretend a bond exists outweighs the lose of a parent. I literally cannot fathom the sheer lack of kindness.
Quote:
Originally Posted by lkb0714
Everyone keeps harping on the single parent scenario and ignoring the FACT that the death of a parent if a far different case.
And who does it farm to call it French Toast with the Fam?
Oh yeah NO ONE.
If the name doesn't matter than why not make it inclusive instead of EXCLUSIVE and expecting children, some of which are not yet capable yet developmentally to truly understand the rationalization being put forth?
What about the kid that doesn't have a family, how does that not affect them? Under your reasoning, they are even MORE scarred, and why should we not extend kindness to THEIR circumstances, but only to the circumstances that affect YOU?? Where does it end then... We have to stop using all references to any relationship, as anybody's feelings might be hurt. Let's not stop there, let's start to censor all books with any reference to a nuclear family, as that might cause you grief. Advertising should not include these relationships either, they should only contain ambiguous shadows. And lets do away with valentines day, mothers day, fathers day, etc, as not all people can celebrate.
Children are not nearly as sensitive as adults would believe. From what I have seen, they are more straight forward, pragmatic and strong then many adults I've encountered.
I again bring up the point of children who DO have both parents but whose parents are not interested in participating. Is that not too "driving a stake through the heart" of these kids to see other parents participating but not their own?
So the people I this thread who stated they were personally hurt by these things are lying?
And you keep ignoring my question, if its only a name then why not pick an INCLUSIVE name?
What about the kid that doesn't have a family, how does that not affect them?
What child has NO family? are you talking about children living in orphanages? This doesn't make sense.
Quote:
Under your reasoning, they are even MORE scarred, and why should we not extend kindness to THEIR circumstances, but only to the circumstances that affect YOU?? Where does it end then... We have to stop using all references to any relationship, as anybody's feelings might be hurt. Let's not stop there, let's start to censor all books with any reference to a nuclear family, as that might cause you grief. Advertising should not include these relationships either, they should only contain ambiguous shadows. And lets do away with valentines day, mothers day, fathers day, etc, as not all people can celebrate.
Where we stop with things at a PUBLIC SCHOOL. Public schools should be INCLUSIVE at every level as a PUBLIC institution.
And FYI, it doesn't effect me personally, I made it well past school age with both parents. But I have seen kids disengage due to things like this.
And once more who does it harm to make and call these events by inclusive names?
What about the kids who have parents who don't care, and would never dream of attending these kids of events? Should we cancel all family events at school so those kids don't feel hurt? Or should we stop Mothers' and Fathers' day because some don't have a mother or father?
FWIW, my husband died suddenly when my children were rather young. It hurts both them and me when they don't have a dad to bring to donuts with dad, father/daughter, etc. but I also know the world shouldn't bend over backwards to accommodate us.
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